A wicked parody

And you can take the word "wicked" in my title either in its traditional meaning of extreme naughtiness or in the contemporary sense, as used by our 'youfs' and 'youfettes', as being really rather admirable.  It will depend on your view of the parody itself.  However, first of all let me give you the object of parody.  This is the famous, and rightly so, poem by Henry Reed written in memory of basic weapon training in the army during WWII.  You have to imagine (or in my case, remember, because nothing much had changed in the 15 or so years when I had to sit through this) a warm Spring afternoon with recruits half listening to a weapons training NCO repeating the same lines he has delivered a thousand times before.  As a poem it stands on its own merits and seems to have remained a favourite even with many people who never experienced that particular situation.  I find it tremendously evocative and moving:

NAMING OF PARTS by Henry Reed

To-day we have naming of parts. Yesterday,
We had daily cleaning. And to-morrow morning,
We shall have what to do after firing. But to-day,
To-day we have naming of parts. Japonica
Glistens like coral in all of the neighboring gardens,
          And to-day we have naming of parts.

This is the lower sling swivel. And this
Is the upper sling swivel, whose use you will see,
When you are given your slings. And this is the piling swivel,
Which in your case you have not got. The branches
Hold in the gardens their silent, eloquent gestures,
          Which in our case we have not got.

This is the safety-catch, which is always released
With an easy flick of the thumb. And please do not let me
See anyone using his finger. You can do it quite easy
If you have any strength in your thumb. The blossoms
Are fragile and motionless, never letting anyone see
          Any of them using their finger.

And this you can see is the bolt. The purpose of this
Is to open the breech, as you see. We can slide it
Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this
Easing the spring. And rapidly backwards and forwards
The early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers:
          They call it easing the Spring.

They call it easing the Spring: it is perfectly easy
If you have any strength in your thumb: like the bolt,
And the breech, and the cocking-piece, and the point of balance,
Which in our case we have not got; and the almond blossom
Silent in all of the gardens and the bees going backwards and forwards,
          For to-day we have naming of parts. 

Well, that's the original poem and now here is the the 'wicked parody' which is sharp, deadly accurate and very, very witty.  My thanks to Bishop Hill for finding it on another blog, and even greater thanks to a commenter called 'Sleepalot' who wrote it:

SCARING THE PROLES by 'Sleepalot'

Today we have scaring the proles. Yesterday,
We had narrative writing. And tomorrow morning,
we will be taxing them into the dirt. But today,
Today we have scaring the proles. CO2 bubbles
harmlessly through coral reefs east of Papua New Guinea,
And today we have scaring the proles.

This is the adjusted temperature data. And this
Is the residual anomaly, whose use you will see,
when you are given your graphs. And this is the raw temperature data,
Which in your case you have not got. The trees
stand unflinching, steadfast against all adversity,
Which in our case we have not got.

Now this is the graph, and you hold it like so,
And you cover this end with your thumb. And please do not let me
See anyone grinning. You can keep a straight face,
if you have enough faith in the Cause. The daisies
shadow the lawn with their leaves, never letting anyone see
Any one of them grinning.

And this you can see is our model result. The pupose of this
is to extend our reach. As you see, We can change these
parameters just as much as we please: we call this
building consensus. And rapidly backwards and forwards,
the advocates are alarming and corrupting MPs:
They call it building consensus.

They call it building consensus: it's easy enough
if you can keep a straight face: like the trend,
and the scale, and the narrative, and the tipping point,
which in our case we have not got; and the skeptics
excluded from every arena, and the advocates going backwards and forwards,
For today we have scaring the proles.

How about that as the very best joke to read on April 1st?!

 

Comments

[Whyaxye]

The original poem is, of course, superb. But the other poem is not very good. Is it a parody? It doesn't derive any virtue from it being a wicked copy of an original which deserves to be satirised. It merely attacks another target, in the style of a much-loved original.

The old Punch used to do a lot like this. A sub-genre which can be diverting, but not particularly fruitful.

[Paul]

Love the original poem, not one I had seen before, but so very neatly describes that officious approach so beloved by the 'officer class' in so many areas of British life. I wouldn't be surprised if the training hasn't moved on too far from them, albeit with added emphasis on being inclusive, caring, healthing and safety'ing.

I also enjoyed the re-interpretation, great find indeed.

[dearieme]

Why not give us "Bloody Orkney" too?

[David Duff]

Yes, 'W', it does indeed attack another target, one which which I like to see attacked- in waves!

Paul, welcome to D&N. What I like about the origianl is the way it captures those tedious times - school, university, army training - when you are forced to listen but the mind keeps wandering.

DM, for you - anything. See above!

[Andrew Duffin]

There is another parody, written by the great John Brignell, of "numberwatch" fame.

It's called "Provision of data".

I'll let you look it up yourself due to his copyright: http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/provision_of_data.htm

[David Duff]

Nice one!