The view from the dugout

As you all know, this blog spares no effort to keep you bang up to date with all the news even, or especially, 'footie' news.  Hence, I can report today from the dugout at Manchester United, which I am sharing with a rather bad-tempered old Scotch git, that there is tremendously bad news for fans of the 'reds'.  As I reported some time ago, Mr. Wayne Rooney, the star of the team, spent several zillion pounds in a vain effort (pun intended!) to hide his premature baldness.  However, today, as I sit here at the edge of the pitch - oh alright then, on the edge of my favourite armchair in my living room - I can report that there are new signs of further baldness appearing.  Emergency applications of 'Growmore' are obviously required.  This sad development could have traumatic effects on both the team as well as Mr. Rooney - and the gum-chewing old Scotsman looks even more ferociously bad-tempered than usual!

What was that?  What about the match, did you ask?  I don't know!  After 20 minutes the ref gave someone a red card so the whole thing was ruined.  And anyway, I'm off out for a late lunch at my favourite pub restaurant which serves the best beef - ever!  And, no, I am not prepared to disclose the name of it even under water-boarding - although a few crisp 'readies' in the usual brown envelope might change my mind.

Comments

[Andra]

David, nobody cares about this.

However, St. Kilda played a game yesterday and I'm sure the boys looked quite wonderful, leaping about in their tight little shorts.

[David Duff]

Andra, control yourself - remember you're British, er, at one remove, so to speak!

[Andra]

ALL my ancestors are Scottish. I am a Macdonald, my mother was a McClure, we would never admit to any Pommie blood.
Do not make this mistake again or you will hear from my solicitors, McCallum, Cohen and Mellick.

[David Duff]

"Cohen"? That's a very fine old Scottish name, my life already!

[Jimmy]

Andra. Cohen will be the clever and thrifty one!