"Britain stops Russian ship carrying attack helicopters for Syria"
Well, that was the headline in The Telegraph and after my first rush of excitement and the thought of 'plucky little Britain' taking on those damned 'Russkies' with two tug-boats and a dredger, I went on to read the actual details. Alas, not quite as glorious as I first thought. In fact it was not so much the sound of swords being drawn from scabbards but more like the scratch of a quill pen on parchment in some office in Lloyds of London. HMG had been tipped off by 'the Cousins' as to the nature of the cargo on this particular Russian boat and had, in turn, warned the insurers of the ship that being party to a business deal forbidden by the High and Mighty Panjandrums of Europe constituted an offence. Instantly, well, as near instantly as you can get in Lloyds of London, some Bob Cratchit was ordered to dip his quill pen in an inkpot and a message was sent to the Russians saying, in effect, sorry, comrade, er, I mean 'mate', all bets are off and you're on your own! The message to Putin & Co was clear - don't mess with Great Britain Inc or we'll cancel your insurance - that'll teach 'em!
I bet the Russians only have third party, fire, and theft. And I bet the helicopters themselves would fail the MOT if they were pulled over.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Tuesday, 19 June 2012 at 15:22
Case for Dixon of Dock Green, I reckon, not the navy after all!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 19 June 2012 at 19:01
David we still have the old Glesga sludge boat that dredges the Clyde. It can be hired by parties to enjoy the smell. The swirling muck buckets could be converted for firing missiles. This just a back up in case our eminent military experts fail us!
Posted by: Jimmy | Tuesday, 19 June 2012 at 23:48
There's worse ways you know, especially since we have so few ships and so many admirals we could probably crew the former with the latter (assuming an admiral even knows the difference between port and sherry).
On consulting the font of all knowledge, Mr Pratchett:
"As a result, although Ankh-Morpork still had many enemies, those enemies had to finance their armies with borrowed money. Most of it was borrowed from Ankh-Morpork, at punitive interest. There hadn't been any really big wars for
years. Ankh-Morpork had made them unprofitable.
Thousands of years ago the old empire had enforced the Pax Morporkia, which had said to the world: 'Do not fight, or we will kill you.' The Pax had arisen again, but this time it said: 'If you fight, we'll call in your mortgages. And incidentally, that's my pike you're pointing at me. I paid for that shield you're holding. And take my helmet off when you speak to me, you horrible little debtor."
[Feet Of Clay]
Now all we need is a benign dictator like Vetinari and we'll be sorted.
Posted by: Able | Wednesday, 20 June 2012 at 08:55
But Jimmy, why would would anyone want to dredge the Clyde? Let it silt up!
Able, I have never been tempted to try one of Mr. Pratchett's tales but if you quote him accurately I might give him a try!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 20 June 2012 at 09:01
David. We are still building ships and boats. The referendum is still to happen.
Posted by: Jimmy | Wednesday, 20 June 2012 at 21:39
Which way will it go, Jimmy?
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 21 June 2012 at 07:10
David. Either way.
Posted by: Jimmy | Friday, 22 June 2012 at 01:21