I don't have to translate my title because even you lot can understand it, especially if you're English. Last night, Italy brought an end to the national embarrassment that is the England 'footie' team. My only complaint is that they took so long to do it. Why am I so grateful? "Let me count the ways".
First, because throughout the entire tournament England played the most execrable, eye-stabbingly tedious football I have ever watched. I don't entirely blame the manager because it seemed obvious to me that he recognised that most of our players can't pass wind let alone a football. Consequently, he told them that in the unlikely event of them ever actually finding the ball at their feet they should immediately pass it to an opposition player. This they proceded to do although occasionally, and I guess entirely by accident, they did sometimes manage to pass it to a team-mate.
And second, because if God had struck down half the Italian team last night with 'Ukranian belly' thus providing our lumpen lads with a slight chance of winning, then we would all be facing the dread prospect of watching yet another humiliating blitzkrieg next Thursday when we would have had to face the Germans. My dears, simply too, too ghastly to even contemplate!
In the 'great theatre' that is 'footie', we must now all admit that England, at their best, might just manage the part of third messenger!
Sometimes I begin to suspect that you are prone to exaggeration, Duffers. Of course they are a poor team, shrewdly managed by a chap dealing with a thin, thin squad. But the second half against Sweden was good stuff - the low comedy of the Swedish goals, the high drama of the Coming of Walcott. The Carroll goal in the first half was a thing of beauty: the searching cross, the evasion of the defenders, the magnificent leap, the powerful, well-directed header.
Carroll reminds me of Beckham: limited in what he can do, but by golly he does that well. Not as consistent as Beckham, mind.
P.S. They played distinctly better without Rooney than with.
Posted by: dearieme | Monday, 25 June 2012 at 10:16
EXAGGERATE!!! Moi! What ever gave you such an idea, DM?
I missed the Swedish match. As far as I am concerned, the jury is out on the merits or otherwise of Mr. Hodgson. If we get no worse than we managed under that incomprehensible Italian then so be it. If we sink any lower then he's dead man walking!
I noticed in some filmed report the other day that Rooney was heavily muscled - I gather he does boxing training and presumably he's working out with weights. That is not good for an athlete and may explain his lacklustre performance. Carroll does not impress me - yet - but I suspect he needs the right parners around him.
And you cannot deny, DM, that none of them, except Gerrard, can pass a ball, or, perhaps, none of them have the wit and intelligence to move to the right place to reeive a pass. Either way, thank God, we're not facing the Germans!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 25 June 2012 at 16:44
I didn't watch, and the commentaries make me very glad that I didn't. I was hoping that the bonehead contingent among the supporters would do us all a favour by attacking the Ukranian police, so that at least we could be remembered for something, but alas!
The next humiliation is Wimbledon. And then, of course, the really big humiliation.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Monday, 25 June 2012 at 19:17
I'm not sure that putting on unnecessary muscle weight explains his hopeless first touch when he seeks to control the ball. He's the way Gerrard and Lampard used to be - good for his club but poor for his country. (Though his club performances seem to me to be getting erratic). Hodgson, I reckon, is the first England manager to get a sequence of good performances out of Gerrard. Alas, Gerrard is 32 and now injury-prone. Pity they didn't appoint Hodgson last time around.
Posted by: dearieme | Monday, 25 June 2012 at 22:22
I only partially watched. It was painful to see. The only part I took a break to watch were the penalties.
Posted by: missred | Monday, 25 June 2012 at 23:55
I'd rather watch Wimbledon.
Soccer (football to you lot) ha ha ha!!
Posted by: Andra | Tuesday, 26 June 2012 at 00:14
You're right again, 'W', because whilst our footie teams have been total crap for the last few decades there was a time when the world trembled before the mighty force of our fans - shockin', shockin'!
Miss Red, to deliberately watch England (try to) take penalties indicates a profound masochism. Call your Calfornian shrink immediately!
You're obviously not sleeping well, Andra, if you actually watch Wimbledon.
DM, I just think Rooney has lost that basic athleticism which all footballers need. As for Hodgson, we shall see . . . !
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 26 June 2012 at 10:00
I'm not impressed with that Carroll or his goal against the Swedes. Technique really wasn't that good. The ball pinged off his head in the correct direction, luckily, and only after the ball had left his head did he rotate his head and 'punched' it, if you see what I mean. Anyone with ability would have had the neck pointing the head away from the goal and at contact with the ball rotate the head to the desired direction and punch the head through the ball towards the goal to give it pace. The over-rated soccer superstar did all that only after the ball had already left his head. He was lucky. The England team is a load of shite and the Italians did us a favour.
Cheers,
Fatty
Posted by: Captain Fatty | Tuesday, 26 June 2012 at 19:14
Well, cheers to you, Fatty, anyone who agrees with me on this blog is always most welcome!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 26 June 2012 at 20:40