Now here's a 'Cocklecarrot' who knows how to get to the bottom of things!

As regular readers are aware, I have a habit of being fearfully disrespectful to the 'Cocklecarrots' whose usually fat, comfortable backsides fit so snugly into the judicial seats in our High Courts from where they deliberate and then pontificate on the ill-behaviour of so many of us ordinary mortals.  They are not all bad, of course, but the bench of justices being a (just about) human group requires that it contains the normal number of 'stoopids' to be found in any section of the populace and given their propensity to indulge in almost terminal self-importance it is necessary to keep reminding them of it.

However, I have just read of the sad ending to a judicial career of a 'Cocklecarrot' whom I rather like the look of.  I am obliged (as those smoothie barristers always put it in court) to The Daily Mail for reporting the case of Judge Michael 'Cocklecarrot' Wood whose career on the bench has just come to a sad and premature end:

Rather a jovial-looking chap, I think, and as he is a 'Geordie' I suspect that he might be rather good company down at the pub. (I don't care much for northerners but I always make an exception for Geordies even if I can never understand a word they say!)  But alas and alack, His Lordship is also, it appears, a connoisseur of really handsome, well-rounded, pert, female rumps!  So much so, in fact, that as his female clerk passed him by in the corridor he gave her bottom a little pinch, well, as you do!  In France or Italy, of course, he would have been given a medal, or at least the chance of a good night out.  But here, in grim, PC, female-dominated Britain a complaint was made and poor old 'Mikey' found himself hauled up on a reprimand and forced to call an early end to his career.  Lucky for him, the Lord Chancellor to whom the complaint came for consideration was jovial, old Ken Clarke, he of the well-known 'brothel-creeper' suede shoes - if, dread thought, it had been 'Harry Harperson' he would have been in the slammer before he could ask which way to 'D'-wing?  Mind you, apparently 'Mikey' is married with three daughters so 'D'-wing might have been a better, or at least quieter, prospect!

I have only one complaint to make about the Daily Mail story and that is the lack of any picture of the lady concerned.  I realise, of course, that all the hacks are trembling under the massive threat of an even bigger and more dangerous 'Cocklecarrot' called Levenson but they could have skipped neatly round that by photographing the lady from the rear, thus, simultaneously preserving her anonymity and letting us judge how good 'Mikey's taste is!

 

Comments

[Whyaxye]

"'Mikey' is married with three daughters so 'D'-wing might have been a better, or at least quieter, prospect!"

Yes, the poor bloke's punishment is likely to be extra-judicial. Mind you, there are some men (Alan Clark was an example) who breeze through this sort of thing without serious mishap.

One hopes Mikey has salted enough away to tide him over, or has other talents...

[Andra]

Ahem, I will, in the absence of anybody else apparently willing to do so, presume speak on behalf of women everywhere.........

I am guessing that the complaint here was made by the pinchee, as it were, and in this case I can only suppose that the good Mr Wood doesn't know his lady clerk as well as he thought he did.

I can't say that I'm particularly keen on being pinched on the bum; a simple pat on the rump generally suffices. However, I like to think I would have accepted the gesture in the spirit in which it was delivered, which I am assuming was in a jovial manner, and not with any malice aforethought.

Ah well, I once threw a typewriter at a bloke who apparently fancied me and wouldn't go away but that was a hell of a long time ago and I was stronger then. I don't think I could throw a computer at anybody any more.

A mouse maybe, but not a whole damned computer.

Anyway, I am sorry for the Geordie judge's demise and can only suggest he use his nimble fingers in a more productive manner and take up crocheting or tatting.

[David Duff]

'W', that's why I shall vote for Boris when he takes over as leader.

According to the reports, Andra, the lady herself did not complain but mentioned it to her co-workers who did. Oh, and consider yourself well and truly 'patted', er, but not a word to the 'Memsahib'!

[dearieme]

The silly arse: pinching at random females in unwise enough, but pinching an employee over whom you have authority really won't do. He certainly deserved a reprimand. Sacking, however, is too extreme if that was his only misadventure. So I suspect it wasn't: "record long as yer arm, Guv" might be the case here.

[David Duff]

Maybe, DM, and welcome back - I assume you have been on your hols because you never said 'thank you' nicely for the exhibition of Turner paintings I provided especially for you! (Scroll down!)

[dearieme]

Where are my manners? Thank you, Duffers. One good Turner deserves another.

[David Duff]

Oh God, DM, you've been opening your Xmas crackers early again!