In the past I have had the need to admonish my e-pal, JK, for the seemingly endless supply of links with which he bombards me so regularly but just when my patience is about to snap he produces a corker which is not only fascinating in itself but leads on to yet more enticing matters. This morning he sent me a copy of a letter written by the late comic genius Spike Milligan. For the benefit of my foreign readers let me explain that Milligan was the 'Godfather' of the Monty Python gang whose literally lunatic humour was derived from Milligan's earlier Goon Show, a radio show broadcast in the '50s which reduced the entire nation to helpless, howling laughter regularly once a week. (How difficult it is to remember those days when families gathered round a radio to be entertained!) Milligan served 'up the sharp end' during WWII and was wounded for his troubles. He wrote several books on the subject under the general heading of 'Hitler: My Part in his Downfall', or words to that effect. Apparently one of his books produced a very critical letter of complaint from a reader to whom he replied, thus, and again, for my foreign readers Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers were his compatriots on The Goon Show:
28th February, 1977
Dear Stephen,
Questions, questions, questions. If you are disappointed in my book 'MONTY', so am I. I must be more disappointed than you because I spent a year collecting material for it, and it was a choice of having it made into a suit or a book.
There are lots of one liners in the book, but then when the German Army are throwing bloody great lumps of hot iron at you, one only has time for one liners. In fact, the book should really consist of the following:
"Oh fuck"
"Look out"
"Christ here's another"
"Where did that fall?"
"My lorry's on fire"
"Oh Christ, the cook is dead"
You realise a book just consisting of those would just be the end, so my one liners are extensions of these brevities.
Then you are worried because as yet I have not mentioned my meeting with Secombe and later Sellers. Well by the end of the Monty book I had as yet not met either Secombe or Sellers. I met Secombe in Italy, which will be in vol 4, and I am arranging to meet Peter Sellers on page 78 of vol 5 in London. I'm sorry I can't put back the clock to meet Secombe in 1941, to alleviate your disappointment — hope springs anew with the information I have given you.
Another thing that bothers you is "cowardice in the face of the enemy". Well, the point is I suffered from cowardice in the face of the enemy throughout the war — in the face of the enemy, also in the legs, the elbows, and the wrists; in fact, after two years in the front line a mortar bomb exploded by my head (or was it my head exploded by a mortar bomb), and it so frightened me, I put on a tremendous act of stammering, stuttering, and shivering. This mixed with cries of "mother" and a free flow of dysentery enabled me to be taken out of the line and down-graded to B2. But for that brilliant performance, this letter would be coming to you from a grave in Italy.
Any more questions from you and our friendship is at an end.
Sincerely,
Spike Milligan
Well, that's all very amusing but JK's link goes further, much further, and into a superb new site for me which is now well and truly bookmarked for future pleasures because the Miiligan letter came from a site called:
As the title implies, this is simply a site for the collection of private correspondence from anyone who was anybody from any age. The most recent is a letter from Anaïs Nin to an anonymous collecter of pornography for whom she and her then husband, Henry Miller, wrote suitably ripe stories. What a way to earn a living! But that is just one letter and the whole site is a treasure trove of such obscure trifles in which one may dip and wallow at leisure.
Anyway, I was minded to award the 'Corker of the Month' award to JK for this find but then I remembered that it had already been earned by Andra for her superlative Russian sing-song - which I still play every morning just to cheer myself up. So, children, you will have to share the prize between you and I don't want any squabbling!
Admonish JK! you say David, Bombarded!
Actually, I'm rather like Santa Claus checking my list twice, literally now that Andra has added me to her "funnies forward" just as you yourself did long ago.
Yes fellow D&N readers, I have to check my incoming emails twice because Andra sends to David along with me - then David duly forwards in turn. (I usually delete David's because like Spike above) too much "free flow of dysentery" with my morning's coffee requires two morning showers.
Me being under the legal jurisdiction of Arkansas... well, I hope ya'll understand the risks I take exceeding my water-use limit simply to read my email.
But. I can't simply take a chance deleting them both out of hand because occasionally I receive something ... well, I'm six hours behind GMT and this fellow posts right at 3:30 pm my time - so in case ya'll click below, there's a chance this (South Korea) is from the future, er, the past. Whatever! Post's date is July 1st. Puttin' On The Ritz!
http://gypsyscholarship.blogspot.com/
Posted by: JK | Sunday, 01 July 2012 at 18:39
And thank you for the link. Looks absolutely fascinating. A way to stimulate the mind for people (like me!) who don't get a lot of time. The Miligan letter was brilliant. The man appeals because he had to take his wit and daftness to some of the worst places imaginable.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Sunday, 01 July 2012 at 20:54
Ah, Spike Milligan. My childhood hero. I was and remain an avid Goon Show fan and I happily own several tapes (now converted to CD) of the radio shows, most of Milligan's books and a book of scripts.
I think some of my happiest memories are of sitting around the radio and roaring over every utterance.
"He's fallen in the water!"
"Ah, he's deading me!"
"Eccles, Eccles, where are you?"
..................et al
I also have a book written by his manager Sheila somebody, whom I think he married towards the end. Sheila's book has Milligan's famous letters to and from various notables and sundry whingers, like the one above.
Saw him on stage once in Cairns and was invited by his manager to come and meet the great man and have a cup of tea or something but I felt it might shatter my Milligan illusions if he turned out to be a mere male.
Haven't looked JK's site yet but it sounds like a beaut.
And JK - naughty boy. I DO NOT send anything from David to you or vice versa. Pay attention or I'll cancel you altogether.
Posted by: Andra | Monday, 02 July 2012 at 00:23
Well my Dear Love Andra, you do unnerstan' doncha?
Santa checking lists twice?
"Naughty or Nice"?
No Andra, you don't send "anything from David" --- heh. And yes I recognize that. Before you fell for that other fellow (incitingly...) David'd reminded me of a magazine titled "Mayfair" then...
'N that's the thing, Hong Kong in 1977, or Hong Kong in 2008. All that I recalled was an email. I didn't need David's reminding me JK and Andra pledged ... well, as I recall, those nice young Australian Marines "asking" I support your Duchessness or whatever ... anyway: once I got out of the hospital, I figured you'd move from Australia to Arkansas.
That didn't happen and it turned out David wasn't as he'd claimed, of "Oirish descent" which of course placed me in a quandary.
I don't know Andra. But know this .... well, I suppose it's Santa Clause. One of David's links - "Naughty or Nice" but not Mayfair:
----
Don't know how you did it but I congratulate you Andra. Still I'd admit, you are one fine woman. I would say, I don't care what I look like now, and I recall Andra in her youth, ...
Oh well.
Posted by: JK | Monday, 02 July 2012 at 01:54