DUFF & NONSENSE!

Can David really beat Goliath?

As you will have guessed, this and the previous two posts were entirely for my own benefit as a means of trying to clarify my mind on what is happening, or will happen, in Anglo-EU relations.  It is now clear, following Cameron's performance in the House today, that he is intent on cutting some sort of a new deal with Brussels - I suspect any old deal will do providing it has a couple of 'goodies' in it - before returning in triumph and boldly offering a referendum which will offer a stark choice between his 'new and improved' Euro-pact, or, catastrophic isolation.  Needless to say, once the referendum is duly passed by the British people, the 'goodies' will be cleverly circumvented - with more than a little help from the higher ranks of the British civil service.  And, of course, after that the way is clear for Brussels to pile on more and more regulation and interference.

As it happens, over at The Coffee House there is a very interesting diagram based on a recent poll conducted by the European Commission, itself.  In case it's difficult to read, the UK analysis is at the very bottom:

I have no idea how accurate that poll is but for British readers it offers a very tempting prospect.  Approximately 50% of the population is either 'Very Negative' towards the EU or 'Fairly Negative'.  I am no politician but that seems to me like a fairly good base for operations, so to speak.  The battle will be fought over the (roughly) 35% who are 'Neutral'.  Now you can see why I am so keen to have a referendum as soon as possible - and also you can understand why 'Dave & Co' will be eager to hold off in the hope that they can extract a big enough sweetie to tempt those uncommitted.  Bearing in mind that they will have all the big guns and we will be reduced to fighting a guerilla war the outcome could be "a fine run thing, the finest thing you ever saw" as the 'Duke of Boot' put it on another Anglo-European occasion!  There is, of course, one "known unknown" and that is the precise outcome of the current euro-zone woes.  If, as I suspect and hope, it finally stumbles into a virtual state of collapse then no-one in their right mind is going to want to go anywhere near it.  The collateral damage to us will be considerable but, in my profound belief, it will be worth it.

Here endeth my European meanderings - for the time being!

 

How to get from here to there

Continuing what passes for my thoughts begun in the previous post, I would like to concentrate on the tactics required to achieve our strategic aim and to counter the tactics of those whose aim is the opposite of ours.  Of course, I am assuming that you share my desire to be rid of the European Union and to revert to normal trade agreements with them of the sort we might sign with any other trading nation or bloc in the world.

One thing is absolutely and positively clear - the vast majority of the 'political class', by which I mean the leadership of the three main parliamentary parties, are united in their desire to remain inside the EU.  I would go further and suggest that for most of them they could not care less on what terms they remain, either!  The swivellings, somersaults and back-flips practiced by 'Dim Dave' in recent days on the subject of a referendum indicate with absolute clarity that he wants in and he will 'Prevaricate for Britain' - and himself - in order to put off the day on which he might be forced to seek our opinion.  In the interim he will continue to urge the euro-zone nations to get their finger out and stitch up some sort of deal, it doesn't matter what, and then he will beg them to toss him a trifle or two which he can carry back to the British people in triumph.  On that basis the three party leaderships will combine to urge acceptance, and dire warnings will be issued of the apolalypse which will follow any rejection.  These dread prospects will be re-inforced by the Grand Panjandrums of the Confederation of British Industry, the agit-prop of the BBC and the massed ranks of The Great & The Good.

Thus, it is essential to agitate in support of a referendum - NOW!  And it should be a simple 'in or out' question.  Well, that ain't gonna happen but a man can dream, can't he?  Even so, we must keep up the agitation for a referendum as soon as possible in order to maintain the pressure on 'Dim Dave'.  Those living in the constituencies of  Tory MPs should make their views known by every means possible including a promise to vote UKIP if the MP concerned does not turn the thumbscrews on feeble leader.  Irrespective of whether or not a deal has been cut with Brussels, I think the referendum should be held on the same day as the election to ensure as good a turn out as possible.  Also, if there is no deal finalised it will make it impossible for the 'Ins' to bribe us with whatever 'concessions' Brussels promises, on its honour(!), to bestow on us.

Even so, be honest, I am not sure that the 'Out' vote would win.  I think a lot of Brits will blanche at the prospect of walking out of Europe into a cold, lonely world.  Thus, it is even more important that the 'Outs' offer a suitably exciting and enticing vision for the people to anticipate.  On that subject, I will write more, later.

 

Time to live down to our name - 'Perfidious Albion'!

All sorts of contradictory Euro (and euro) squawking is going on in the media and attempting to find a way through it all to a reasoned conclusion is almost impossible.  It seems to me that we, as individuals, need to go through two seperate but connected thought processes. 

First, we need to decide in our own mind where we, as a nation, should stand in the great scheme of things.  I don't mean just Europe but in the world.  We could, for example, take the decision to sink our individual nationhood and along with our partners help form a new nation called the United States of Europe (USE).  Or, we could take the opposite tack and revoke our existing links with Europe and revert to our previous condition as an independent nation with normal political, commercial and cultural links with our near neighbours in the USE. 

Both those alternatives, of course, pre-suppose that the USE will ever exist because the danger of the entire embryo aborting is all too real.  I cannot stress too strongly that in my view the worst is yet to come in the euro zone.  According to Ernst & Young, as reported in the Telegraph, the amount of toxic debt held by European banks is set to reach record levels in 2013.  Hitherto it has been a game of 'let's pretend' when it comes to banks owning up to the red ink in their ledgers but in the end truth will out.  There is violent disagreement in the media as to whether or not 'The Iron Frau' should be renamed 'The Aluminium Frau' after last week's summit.  The answer appears to be hidden in the small print and there is no font-size tinier than that to be found in EU documents!

Whatever happens over the next year or two, the indisputable fact is that the European project we joined all those years ago is now a totally different entity.  Unlike 37 years ago, no-one today who isn't deaf, dumb, blind and lacking a sense of smell can claim not to have a very clear idea of what the European project is and where it is going.  By and large, one's re-action to it will depend on your position in society.  If you are an ambitious politician, a rising civil servant, a 'captain of industry' or a political idealist, you will find the notion of a USE highly attractive.  For some of the above, the project offers the highly tempting enticements of even greater power and increased personal wealth - the European gravy train is always fully-stocked with the very best personal terms and conditions, you know!  Big Politics with Big Administration, hand in hand with Big Business is moved upwards to an even higher strata and is thus further removed from the irritating lower orders, or me and you, as I like to think of them!

If, like me, you find the whole notion of being a province in a USE totally nauseating then you will have to consider a geo-political alternative which is to revoke all EU agreements and return to independent nationhood.  Euro-fanatics will warn of the disaster certain to hit British industry but they should be reminded of what they already know which is that Europe sells more to us than we do to them.  Any action taken against British trade will be the equivalent of snatching the paella pan away from us and tipping the scorching hot contents into their own laps!  Anyway, you only need glance at Switzerland and Norway to see that life outside the USE is not all bad.  And, to quote an old phrase, 'at a stroke' several volumes, nay, libraries, of rules and regulations which are the bane of our commercial and private lives would be cast away.  Once again, we could rule and regulate ourselves according to our own desires and needs.

All of that is, if you like, the strategic decision which each of us must take in our own minds.  I hardly need to say that a future as a small, independent, off-shore country is never going to be without danger and difficulty but that, when you think about, is our history.

The second thought process we need to go through flows from the decision we take above and is concerned with the tactical manner in which we set about achieving the desired aims.  I will write more on this later - assuming there is still anyone left to read it!

A Monday morning joke

Given that yet more 'global warming' is drizzling from the clouds, as it has done steadily for the last three months of our 'summer', and that it is a Monday morning when you working stiffs have to face another week at the coal-face, I thought you all needed a smile.  This is from a site called The Reagonite Republic and was republished by those rapscallions at IHTM:

 

Look, All I Said to Her Was, 'You Have Three Beautiful Children'

It was an honest mistake- she didn't have to get all mad like that.

Well it made me chuckle and, yes, you're absolutely right, that says so much about me!

 

Stop worrying, even if you weren't worrying to begin with!

Well, some people worry, and they worry over the strangest things.  For example, the 'fact' that the Fimbul Ice Shelf is melting has given some people the screaming abdabs!  If you doubt me you should listen outside the high walls which surround the Deltoid HAF (Hot Air Fanatic) site where-in the hysteria is reaching fever pitch.  And, no, I've never heard of the Fimbul Ice Shelf, either, until just now but I am fairly confident that even if I had, I still would not have tossed and turned in bed.

And nor should you because the 'fact' that it is melting is yet another fairy story dreamt up by the HAFs to frighten the children - that's you, in case you're wondering.  This particular ice shelf is down in Antarctica and you will not drop dead from shock when I tell you that the 'fact' that it was melting was not established by means of actually looking and measuring but by that good old stand-by, beloved in HAF circles, the computer model.  And you all know the old saying about computers, brown stuff in, diarrhea out!  Happily some Norwegian scientists actually went and looked, although it beats me why, as a Norwegian living in a frozen wasteland, you would choose to investigate Antarctica when you could, say, check out the Malvinas - but I digress.

According to The Register and the American Geophysical Union these 'Norskies' actually used:

12 tons of hot-water drilling equipment, bored three holes more than 200m deep through the Fimbul Shelf, which spans an area roughly twice the size of New Jersey. The location of each hole was cunningly chosen so that the various pathways by which water moves beneath the ice shelf could be observed, and instruments were lowered down.

Not satisfied with that, those clever 'Norskies' then rode piggy-back, so to speak, on some giant seals in order to look from the bottom up, as it were:

The boffins also supplemented their data craftily by harvesting info from a biology project, the Marine Mammal Exploration of the Oceans Pole to Pole (MEOP) effort, which had seen sensor packages attached to elephant seals. [...]

Normally, getting sea temperature readings along the shelf in winter would be dangerous if not impossible due to shifting pack ice - but the seals were perfectly at home among the grinding floes.

Anyway, the result of all these efforts was:

Overall, according to the team, their field data shows "steady state mass balance" on the eastern Antarctic coasts - ie, that no ice is being lost from the massive shelves there. The research is published in the journal Geophysical Research Letters.

Pheeeew, that's a relief!  You see now how valuable this blog is to you all, saving you from worries you never had - that's what I call real service!  (There is no direct charge for this service but the usual - and generous - contributions in the usual plain, brown envelope will be gratefully received.)

 

JK comes up trumps

In the past I have had the need to admonish my e-pal, JK, for the seemingly endless supply of links with which he bombards me so regularly but just when my patience is about to snap he produces a corker which is not only fascinating in itself but leads on to yet more enticing matters.  This morning he sent me a copy of a letter written by the late comic genius Spike Milligan.  For the benefit of my foreign readers let me explain that Milligan was the 'Godfather' of the Monty Python gang whose literally lunatic humour was derived from Milligan's earlier Goon Show, a radio show broadcast in the '50s which reduced the entire nation to helpless, howling laughter regularly once a week.  (How difficult it is to remember those days when families gathered round a radio to be entertained!)  Milligan served 'up the sharp end' during WWII and was wounded for his troubles.  He wrote several books on the subject under the general heading of 'Hitler: My Part in his Downfall', or words to that effect.  Apparently one of his books produced a very critical letter of complaint from a reader to whom he replied, thus, and again, for my foreign readers Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers were his compatriots on The Goon Show:

28th February, 1977

Dear Stephen,

Questions, questions, questions. If you are disappointed in my book 'MONTY', so am I. I must be more disappointed than you because I spent a year collecting material for it, and it was a choice of having it made into a suit or a book.

There are lots of one liners in the book, but then when the German Army are throwing bloody great lumps of hot iron at you, one only has time for one liners. In fact, the book should really consist of the following:

"Oh fuck"

"Look out"

"Christ here's another"

"Where did that fall?"

"My lorry's on fire"

"Oh Christ, the cook is dead"

You realise a book just consisting of those would just be the end, so my one liners are extensions of these brevities.

Then you are worried because as yet I have not mentioned my meeting with Secombe and later Sellers. Well by the end of the Monty book I had as yet not met either Secombe or Sellers. I met Secombe in Italy, which will be in vol 4, and I am arranging to meet Peter Sellers on page 78 of vol 5 in London. I'm sorry I can't put back the clock to meet Secombe in 1941, to alleviate your disappointment — hope springs anew with the information I have given you.

Another thing that bothers you is "cowardice in the face of the enemy". Well, the point is I suffered from cowardice in the face of the enemy throughout the war — in the face of the enemy, also in the legs, the elbows, and the wrists; in fact, after two years in the front line a mortar bomb exploded by my head (or was it my head exploded by a mortar bomb), and it so frightened me, I put on a tremendous act of stammering, stuttering, and shivering. This mixed with cries of "mother" and a free flow of dysentery enabled me to be taken out of the line and down-graded to B2. But for that brilliant performance, this letter would be coming to you from a grave in Italy.

Any more questions from you and our friendship is at an end.

Sincerely,

Spike Milligan

Well, that's all very amusing but JK's link goes further, much further, and into a superb new site for me which is now well and truly bookmarked for future pleasures because the Miiligan letter came from a site called:

http://www.lettersofnote.com/

As the title implies, this is simply a site for the collection of private correspondence from anyone who was anybody from any age.  The most recent is a letter from  Anaïs Nin to an anonymous collecter of pornography for whom she and her then husband, Henry Miller, wrote suitably ripe stories.  What a way to earn a living!  But that is just one letter and the whole site is a treasure trove of such obscure trifles in which one may dip and wallow at leisure.

Anyway, I was minded to award the 'Corker of the Month' award to JK for this find but then I remembered that it had already been earned by Andra for her superlative Russian sing-song - which I still play every morning just to cheer myself up.  So, children, you will have to share the prize between you and I don't want any squabbling!