The last gasp show: I went to bed about half past ten last night unable to take any more of the so-called tribute to British music. It all seemed to be summed up by the somewhat sad, raddled, over-weight, over-age and over here figure of George Michael. If he's amongst the best that British pop-music talent has to offer then it confirms my belief that the whole industry is following HMV down the toilet. Perhaps it cheered up later but the first few songs were dirge-like, tuneless and seemingly endless. The fact that they saw fit to air a recording of John Lennon moaning the words of the soppiest lyric ever written, Imagine, indicated to me that the organisers were scraping the barrel. Pity because I rather enjoyed the opening show.
A suggestion to improve the games: First, no more sports which require the services of 'judges' to decide the outcome. I exclude fighting games in which judges decide if a hit or a throw has taken place, but no more equivalents of "9.5 for artistic interpretation" and all that sort of thing. Of course, I realise that means excluding gymnastics which I consider to be a true test of courage and skill but it's a price worth paying if we never see synchronised yawning diving or swimming ever again. Second, get rid of handball! I thought basketball was the most boring game ever invented but handball takes takes tedium to torture levels. Gitmo detainees should be forced to watch handball for the remainder of their prison terms.
Personality athlete of the games: For a change I will join the crowd and pick Mo Farah, winner of both the 10k and 5k races, and the new face of New Britannia!
He is Somali by birth and spent the first eight years of his life in Djibouti. I suppose, if fate had twisted the cards differently, he could have ended up crewing a pirate ship off the Somali coast! Instead he came to join his British-born father in London. Sent to his local state school with poor English he struggled but his athletic talents were spotted by his PE teacher, Alan Watkinson, who took him under his wing and encouraged his early efforts. (Let's give that man a Knighthood!) The rest, as they say, is history.
Another suggestion to improve the games: I should charge for all this free advice! In future, beach volleyball should be confined to the Brazilian ladies only. At my first viewing, which featured ladies from 'Godwotaland' playing against the ladies of 'Getmeouttahere', I was, I confess, mildly excited but as time went on it was apparent that in this world there are ladies from Brazil and, er, the rest. They just have the knack, those Brazilian gels, of filling their bikinis to the very brim and one watches with sustained excitement for the first sign of, shall we say, spillage!
(Yes, it may seem sad to you but an old man must take his pleasures where he finds them - and I bet it cheered up your Monday morning, too!)
The biggest winner of the games: No need to name him, really, but for my foreign readers please meet Mr. Boris 'Bonker' Johnson. Currently he is the Mayor of London but shortly he will be taking over the leadership of the Tory party from 'Dim Dave'. I have no idea whether he will be a
good leader but it will be a laugh finding out! Apart from any other consideration, it will be a hoot watching sundry po-faced foreign leaders coming to London and trying to make out if Boris is prime minister or court jester whilst simultaneously trying to keep an eye on their wives and/or daughters.
Final thought: Thank God, the 'footie' season starts next Sunday. More lunacy, I know, but at least it's lunacy I'm familiar with.
Until they introduce synchronised diving on dressage horses, I'll avoid the Olympics.
Posted by: dearieme | Monday, 13 August 2012 at 14:04
How about a rule that lady athletes must have a bust?
Posted by: backofanenvelope | Monday, 13 August 2012 at 14:13
Stick around, DM, it canonly be a matter of time! (By the way, just started Shapiro's 'Contested Will' - superb, and I'm only on page six!
'Envelope', it's an idea - thinking of becoming the photo-finish judge, are you?
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 13 August 2012 at 14:39
Duffers, I found it flagged just a little in the middle since dismissing de Vere isn't much different from dismissing Bacon. Then it picks up again. All in all, it's a smasher.
Posted by: dearieme | Monday, 13 August 2012 at 14:59
I find it a bit worrying that all these politicians are leaping into "sport". As the whole thing seemed to go very well and as we got loads of medals, presumably the way we have been doing it is OK. Why not just carry on as we are? Of course, I know why. There is no situation a government can not make worse.
I would quite like to see our flabby leaders in action though. Imagine Miliband on a large horse or Cameron in Speedos in the beach volley ball arena. Or Cleggy in the boxing with that nice black girl!
Posted by: backofanenvelope | Monday, 13 August 2012 at 16:36
Thanks, DM, I'll persevere.
'Envelope', don't you dare put Cameron into the beach volleyball arena, that's reserved for me. I don't actually own any Speedos but I'm sure my old army PT shorts that reach tastefully to my knees plus my string vest will turn the Brazilian gals into a frenzy. Put Cameron in with the lady judo wrestlers, they'll murder him!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 13 August 2012 at 17:34
Nice erses David the Braz Burds I mean. I would give up my winter fuel allowance for wan.
Posted by: Jimmy | Monday, 13 August 2012 at 22:51
I think even I'd be interested in seeing synchronised diving on horseback.
Where's the suggestion box?
I have no idea what anybody else is talking about.
Posted by: Andra | Tuesday, 14 August 2012 at 00:05
But, I wonder, Jimmy, what they would give up for you? I mean you being a prime bit of Scottish beefcake and all that!
Andra, Jimmy is a Jock and therefore a simultaneous translator is required.
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 14 August 2012 at 08:42
Don't think it was actually Lennon singing Imagine, but I don't want to be a pedant...
I suppose Mo is a shoo-in for the award but personally I'm backing "MDL" to use your standard shorthand Mr. D. No prizes for guessing who I mean.
I went to bed halfway through the closing ceremony - thank heavens I did because apparently the unspeakable cad Brand appeared later. I never want to see, hear, or hear about that man ever again.
The whole fortnight was a blast and I enjoyed it enormously.
Posted by: Andrew Duffin | Tuesday, 14 August 2012 at 12:50
"L"? "L"? "L"? Oh come on, Andrew, I haven't a clue who 'L' is, I mean, I didn't watch it all that closely. Your secret is safe with me!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 14 August 2012 at 14:10
"MDL" is, I believe, only the fourth British woman ever to win two gold medals in one Olympics.
That's enough for you to go on, I'm sure.
Posted by: Andrew Duffin | Wednesday, 15 August 2012 at 10:50
Bloody hell, it took me ages to find out, Andrew, but it was worth it, she's a very pretty young woman, but alas, she's spoken for, I gather:
http://www.standard.co.uk/olympics/olympic-news/after-that-very-public-kiss-laura-trott-and-jason-kenny-admit-were-a-couple-8026114.html
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 15 August 2012 at 14:08
Yes, I know, very disappointing - to me, you, and about five million other guys I would imagine.
Still, good luck to them!
Posted by: Andrew Duffin | Wednesday, 15 August 2012 at 16:12
Ah, the pain of unrequited love - both MDS and MDA are suffering because I simply cannot make up my mind between them - sorry, ladies!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 15 August 2012 at 16:49