My somewhat dismal forecasting results during the year have given rise to a certain amount of criticism from different quarters. However, I would remind you all that my forecasts for the year as a whole were absolutely spot on:
Old Duff's Almanack 2011 2012
Trouble!
More trouble!
Even more trouble!
Double trouble!
Trouble in the rubble!
Pretty damn good, I'd say! So now it is time to provide you all with a glimpse into 2013:
Old Duff's Almanack 2011 2012 2013
It will rain!
It will rain some more!
Then some more!
And just when you think it can't rain any more - it will rain!
These particular forecasts are based on the methodology much favoured by climate scientologists, it's called extrapolation. What you do is take a few carefully controlled observations and then extrapolate them into the future. Of course, them being swots and all that they cannot be allowed to fail and so if the predictions don't come up as ordered they simply change a few of the observation points. See, it's dead easy being a climate scientologist. However, this blog works on much tougher criteria. My observations are taken daily, every morning, out of my bedroom window - well, you don't expect me to actually go out and get soaked, do you? It's true that some of the Sunday morning observations are a bit dodgy given my bleary eyes, my thumping headache and the fact that in my confusion I sometimes forget to pull the curtains! Even so, you may place every confidence in my forecasts and my advice to you all is to go long on galoshes!
ADDITIONAL: Um, not a good start! Drew curtains this morning, January 1st, and staggered back under the glare of a pitiless sun - well, we were celebrating last night! - and not a cloud in the sky. Can it be? . . . is it possible? . . . dare one imagine? . . . can I be wrong? Perish the thought! Ah, and now I screw up my eyes against the light and peer through my sun-glasses I detect a few fluffy clouds in the distance - rain before supper, mark my words!
My second forecast concerns our beloved coalition government. It has now passed the halfway mark to the next election and I can absolutely and definitely forecast that:
a: It will split, or
b: It will stick together.
You see, this coalition resembles one of those titchy little particles they're always playing about with at the CERN Centre, you know, those ones that have a tremendous force driving them apart but an equal and opposite force glueing them together. So with our parliamentary 'Gluons' (to give them their scientific name), half the Tory party hates the Lib-Dems and strains to break away but the other half loves them and wants to marry them because they, and their leader, were, are and always will be Lib-Dems at heart but they cannot come out of the closet and say so because they know they will never be elected again and, my dears, they so, so love all those expenses. As for the Lib-Dems, they hate everyone, all the time, everywhere. They even hate each other and would like to break away from themselves. Well, it's what they do!
So, in the immortal words of the late Field Marshal Montgomery, 'I don't want any belly-aching', you have your forecasts for the year and may go forth with every confidence. In doing so, you are accompanied by my very best wishes to you all for a really boring 2013 - at my age I like 'boring', yes, 'boring' is better than 'interesting; and definitely preferable to 'exciting'!
Thought I best check in and leave a comment so's ya'll wouldn't think me dead. I've got a good reason for my absence - apparently ya'lls pols aren't currently providing such thrilling stuff.
I've been glued to the edge of my chair and have hid the 'do-flickr' so I'll not miss a nanosecond of C-Span.
Might ask your buddy Rupe, David - make our C-Span available in the UK. My best to all in 2013!
Posted by: JK | Monday, 31 December 2012 at 19:32
Duff, how could anyone possibly think of you as boring!
Dashing, handsome, sexy.... I can't go on.
That memsahib is such a lucky woman, I can quite understand why she adores and worships you.
Happy 2013!
Posted by: Andra | Monday, 31 December 2012 at 22:52
JK
so's ya'll wouldn't think me dead. I've got a good reason for my absence -
You mean Little Rock had the first white Christmas in since before we can remember. Glad to see your internet connection survived.
http://eclecticmeanderings.blogspot.com/
Hank’s Eclectic Meanderings
Posted by: Hank | Tuesday, 01 January 2013 at 00:33
I forecast that we will get a lot more of the same. Apple will make an iWatch. I am not going to drink less.
Posted by: Backofanenvelope | Tuesday, 01 January 2013 at 01:18
Not quite sure what C-Span is, JK, but if it rocks your boat, so be it, and actually watching paint dry is better than watching our pols!
Andra, "Dashing, handsome, sexy.... I can't go on" - oh do give it a try! And Best Wishes to you, too - 2013, lucky for some!
Hank, you mean global warming has final hit Little Rock!
'Envelope', two out of three - not bad - but Apple will only make an 'I-Won't-Watch'!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 01 January 2013 at 10:33
Yep, we too have an unfamiliar orange orb in the sky, and a puzzling lack of pissing-it-down.
Posted by: dearieme | Tuesday, 01 January 2013 at 10:55
We also got an unusual present for the New Year.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2255632/Seals-remarkable-journey-travelling-50-MILES-inland-St-Ives-Cambridgeshire-swimming-flood-water.html
Posted by: dearieme | Tuesday, 01 January 2013 at 15:18
Well, since you don't know David:
http://www.c-span.org/
And yeah, Little Rock's knee-deep in global warming - encased actually. 200,000 without electrical power due to ice. The total's somewheres down near 10,000 presently.
If y'all in the UK have an extra few million tons of oh, coal oughta help, high sulpher content coal if you have it - we'd be mighty grateful if you'd send it our way.
Don't route it through Washington DC though, the pols turned up their thermostats bipartisanly for their celebrations. I fear they'd keep the fuel for themselves and only allow smoke to be blown Arkansas' way.
Posted by: JK | Tuesday, 01 January 2013 at 20:22
David. Was feeling really delicate today after too much of the brew and had to visit the relatives in Paisley. The mrs went ahead and I followed later. Thought I would walk the four miles! (still living in the past). It was rather cold so I put on my old faithfull olive green army long johns. After a mile the weather changed to mild and I was forced to phone the mrs for a lift.
Never trust the predictions but keep the long johns handy!
Posted by: Jimmy Glesga | Tuesday, 01 January 2013 at 21:49
Good grief, DM, I hope you have long waders!
Thanks, JK, I have added it to my 'News' listings.
"Living in the past", Jimmy, yes, that's one of my favourite places!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 11:08