Yes, yes, once again I have gone up, up and away with the birds courtesy of my new best friend, Bill, and his wonderful Flight Simulator and if any of you lot call me a drone you will be banned! I have been cruising the skies, off and on, for about a dozen years now. It is my proud boast that I have crash-landed at more international airports than you could count on fingers and toes! I would like to be able to boast that I was up to professional standards, as some are, I believe, whereby they can take off from Heathrow one evening, set the auto pilot on the 747 to take them to Cape Town, and then wake up the next morning in time to land the plane there. Alas, "to tell truth and shame the devil", I have not so far managed to progress beyond my single-engined Cessna Skyhawk with which I manage a take off, usually fairly easy, gain height in a somewhat up and own manner, make a shaky turn to port (see I got the lingo!) and then attempt a landing which on a good day can be described as bouncey and on a bad day as - well, don't ask, just fasten your seat belt and adopt the survival crouch!
However, I must tell you that it is the most absorbing past-time. Even just taking off and gaining height on a steady course takes my multi-tasking skills (which are zero, according to the 'Memsahib') to the limit. You have to set the trim tabs to climb, whilst setting the the throttle to a reasonable level after take off, and then you have to watch your climb indicater like a hawk because the bloody plane is likey to start screeching upwards into a stall, or, hurtle downwards into a kamikaze dive if you fail to pay attention. At the same time it is vital to keep an eye on your compass bearing lest, as frequently happens to me, you find yourself drifting off course. It took me ages to realise the embarrassingly obvious truth that if you increase speed you will begin to climb, and equally obviously, if you decrease speed you will lose altitude. For ages I used to yank the control column backwards and forwards not realising that the throttle, combined with the trim tabs, would do the job for me.
Landing, using the term loosely, remains a problem for me even after years of practice. Partly this is due to my low boredom threshold which means that after my initial enthusiasm which rarely lasts more than a few days I never stick at the task long enough to master the art. Mainly, I blame God because He keeps moving the bloody runway just as I'm coming in to land! Mind you, the tremendous sense of triumph and joy that erupts when, about once in every ten landings, I actually glide effortlessly down onto the centre of the runway for a perfect landing is roughly equivalent to the feeling I used to get when my parachute opened - back in the day!
Now that I am running my new best friend's latest MS8 and having rediscovered my somewhat dusty control stick and the DVDs for Flight Sim X, I am determined to stick at it this time and see if I can manage to promote myself off the Cessna and into something more fitting for my talents - sorry, did you just say something?
Oh, and finally, a word to my e-pal, JK. Yesterday I flew around Arkansas and it is the most tediously boring flat pancake of a place that I have ever seen via FSX. I suggest you sue them for slander! Actually, for interesting scenery, the best place to fly around is Hawaii - absolutely gorgeous and you can play dropping bombs on you know who!
"the feeling I used to get when my parachute opened - back in the day!"
Indeed - didn't Her Majesty's government decide many years ago that you were temperamentally better suited to jumping out of planes than piloting them?
You could ask Bill's team if they do a "Jump Simulator", complete with large pack and a caring tender-hearted NCO.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 12:21
Set your autopilot to bring you into Gaston's David. 25 nautical from my location:
http://160knots.com/Gastons.htm
Give me an approximate time for your ETA and I'll have the firetruck and hearse on standby.
You stab - we'll slab!
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 16:11
"Indeed - didn't Her Majesty's government decide many years ago that you were temperamentally better suited to jumping out of planes than piloting them?"
Indeed, so, 'W', but there were some fairly high-powered ministerial meetings to decide whether or not to issue me with a parachute!
JK, thanks for the tip and that part of Arkansas, even via Bill's 'wishy-washy' landscape, is much more interesting - especially those lakes in the mountains. By the way, I assume it was a slip of the memory that caused you to forget to tell me the airfield was surrounded by mountains? I only just cleared them in time! As for my landing, it will be spoken of in hushed terms at Gaston 'International'!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 16:35
Just be glad David, you didn't attempt landing there earlier than 2010.
The field was 300 yards shorter!
Back then I wouldn't land on it in anything other than a STOLed 182 Skylane. Turbocharged.
And - it's easier when the trees are in full-leaf. Most of the mishaps occur when the leaves are sparse. I'm pretty sure all of the fatalities have been in the early Springs and then again during Autumns. The field is closed this time of year.
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 17:38
"The field is closed this time of year."
Now he tells me! (Still, at least there was no-one there to watch my, um, eccentric landing technique!)
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 18:15
Not what (or exactly what) I meant David. By 'Closed' I mean.
One can still and always land there. And of course, take back off. It's just that when one calls in to ground control [and at Gaston's it's not the sort of "control" usually thought of - rather advising one where to taxi around or spotting, er, "parking" - what's meant is not having someone at the ground radio microphone advising whether there're deer or ducks on the field] so sure feel free to land there.
Just ensure since you're unfamiliar - NOT do it in an actual plane - stay on your simulator!
Thing about there not being any leaves during the winter months is - there have been a few who've thought the field perfect for practicing a few, "touch and go's"!
Because there're trees at the NW end, those become truly, touch and goes!
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 20:11
Are you quite mad, JK? I wouldn't fly in a *real* plane piloted by me if you paid me in gold bars!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 20:14
Well to get quick from here to there in Arkansas' hill country David, one must fly. Too, too much stuff, lakes, rivers, bluffs, mountain peaks to "go the long way" by automobile.
By car it takes me two hours to simply get to the restaurant parking lot - by plane I can have eaten and been back home and napping in that same two hours.
However - no pilots allowed in the bar!
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 02 January 2013 at 21:00
"Are you quite mad, JK? I wouldn't fly in a *real* plane piloted by me if you paid me in gold bars!"
Me neither!!
Posted by: Andra | Thursday, 03 January 2013 at 07:25
Where's my "pome" gone then?
Posted by: Andra | Thursday, 03 January 2013 at 07:27
One thing I like, JK, about 'flying' round your neck of the woods is that there are plenty of airfields/strips so that I can take off and land (well, sorta!) and then take off again quickly and easily. Even so, my new best friend Bill obviously spent more money on the graphics for Hawaii.
Andra, you are a wise woman! But what's a "pome"? (Suddenly had a thought - I must take a flight around your part of the world - keep your eyes open for a low-flying object!)
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 03 January 2013 at 08:48
If you can find it David ('if Bill' knows about it?) just east of where Gaston's is, is a spot on the chart labelled "Salem."
About a mile and a half due north of Salem's municipal airport there's a hilltop "strip" where only the bravest make the attempt. Did I ever tell you my Dad served aboard CV-45 the USS Valley Forge (carrier) during the Korean War?) Well anyway, Dad owned 640 acres on the northside of Salem. Dad built himself an airstrip, complete with lights and a hangar.
The landmarks are: there're a series of 14 ponds [fishfarm] with the two largest at either end, the SSW on marks one end of the strip, the NNE alongside the other end. The elevation of the strip is 948' asl, (a mountain-peak a quarter mile W 1129'asl - don't hit that). There's a largish "H" shaped building half mile N - that'd be the hospital (for your convenience).
Try the SSW end first - the slope on that end is lateral from the 948' to 640' in 140'. When you master that approach, try the other end. You'll notice there's a river running at 90° on that end.
There's also a sheer cliff of 120' thereabouts.
And (again for your convenience) across the river from the NNE end is a cemetary.
You'll want to equip your Skyhawk for STOL.
Posted by: JK | Thursday, 03 January 2013 at 16:28
Well, JK, I just scared the shit out of the good folks of Salem but, alas, no sign of Dad's ol' strip - but, of course, its MS artwork which bears little or no resemblance to reality which is why I blame it for me getting lost all the time!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 03 January 2013 at 21:13
JK - remind me of the story whereby you attempt to fly your dad's plane, to Mexico, as I recall, in order to purchase, what was it, jars of chillies for the winter months ......... now, how does that go again?
Posted by: Andra | Friday, 04 January 2013 at 20:37
Andra.
Silly girl. You'd for an instant believe what I type? ...on D&N's comments page?
Eerhps... "remind"? that whoever had to've been somebody else, I personally never even learned zip down and pray no Roman candle but then I've forgot less than SAS Corporal Duff ever remembered.
I'm somebody else!
Erlips!
Posted by: JK | Saturday, 05 January 2013 at 05:15
Andra?
Ehrmm... I'd forgot - you've Googled the actual MMEEE!!! - which My Dear actually puts us both in a spot cause if you reveal me to google, I'll place all those Kiwi 'n Me porno links you made back when there was a Mayfair magazine.
(Though to me back then [and even to today] those film photos of you laying about I never considered unseemly - admittedly I never considered an Australian oooh so whatever girl to be the girl [and now] who still lights me up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=mz3CPzdCDws
Oooh Andra.
___________________
Now. Shut up. Please?
Posted by: JK | Saturday, 05 January 2013 at 05:47
Factual Correction: I was never in the SAS - pheeeew, thank God!
However, JK, you are hereby forgiven because that YouTube was terrific.
Posted by: David Duff | Saturday, 05 January 2013 at 09:27