First, a bulletin from the Home Front: Apologies for the quality and the quantity, as in 'lack of', posts on the blog this week. I am still trying to get to grips with running the house single-handed. I am learning, the hard way, that planning is essential but being a bit of a 'spur-of-the-moment fella' I'm finding that hard. However, to paraphrase the good Doctor, 'an empty plate for dinner concentrates the mind wonderfully'! Still, I am proud to tell you all that having qualified as a 'whites washer', I have now passed with distinction the test as a 'coloureds washer'. Amazing what those white boxes that stand around taking up space in the kitchen can actually do! Equally, my cooking skills have risen above the tin-opening stage they had been stuck at since 1959. Today is a big test though - roast chicken for Sunday dinner! Will it fly, I wonder - no, no, not literally - oh, you know what I mean! My vegetable cooking tends to extremes. Either they come out of the saucepan sodden, or as hard as when they went in, there is no soppy 'Lib-Dem' middle for me, I am an extremist! Shopping was tricky to begin with because of my inability to find anything but then I discovered the solution - I simply stop one of those obliging ladies who rush around stacking shelves, compliment her on how attractive the uniform looks on her, and with one of my modest, winning smiles (it always gets 'em - well, it used to, back in the day), own up to being a total male dunce and ask if she could point out to me the actual difference between the meat counters and the vegetable racks. Being nice ladies they invariably end up doing most of my shopping for me!
Must go now, 'er upstairs' is banging on the floor with her crutches, however, I will be adding to this 'Rumble' during the course of the day so please do keep looking in if your social life is utterly bereft!
A legal wet dream: My, how the lawyers must be rubbing their hands at the thought of the fees likely to accrue over the legal niceties involved in the, er, 'aquisition' and sale of the 'mural' by 'Banksy', the so-called 'street artist', which disappeared from the side of a shop in north London and re-appeared at an auction house in Florida.
I have only just seen this photo of the original in situ, as it was, and already that has added yet further legal complications. Hitherto, I had thought that 'Banksy's form of art was in the creation of murals, that is, painted directly onto the walls of buildings, but from this picture one can see that it must have been painted on some sort of board and then attached to the wall. At which point, m'Learned Friends, rubbing their hands with glee, will ask who owned the board? And who gave 'Banksy' permission to paint on it; and who gave permission to fix it to someone else's property; and most important of all, who actually owns the bloody thing - 'Banksy', the artist; or 'John Doe', the owner of the board; or 'Mr. Landlord', the owner of the building - or, possibly, the bloke who thought that 'free art' meant it was free and helped himself to it?! "M'Lord, I would be obliged if the court could adjourn for several days so that I may consult with m'Learned Friends and thus clock up a few more billable hours - know wot I mean, Judge?!" As for the 'art', well, in my opinion it is a very highly effective and skilfull piece of agit-prop and anyone taken in by it needs their brain cells rejuvenating.
More rumbles later, as and when . . . !
Dave's song:
And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!
Yes, it was my way.
Songwriters: DUPRI, JERMAINE/SEAL, MANUEL LONNIE/RAYMOND, USHER
Well, yes, perhaps the greatest hymn to selfishness ever written but therefore entirely suitable for our prime minister, to say nothing of his chancellor. The only thing is that I suspect "Regrets, I've had a few" is a great exaggeration! Of course, he frequently expresses regret, for example, over the Amritsar massacre which happened nearly 100 years ago and for which he cannot be blamed, but that should not be confused with actually feeling regret. Equally, he 'regrets' nearly four times that number of British people being allowed to rot to death in NHS hospitals over recent years but cannot bring himself to sack the man who was in command at the time, instead he promotes him! No doubt his chancellor regrets boasting about Britian's AAA-rating from the international credulous credit agencies, one of whom has just stubbed its toe on 'the bleedin' obvious' and downgraded us. This appeared to have as much effect on 'smoothy' Osborne as a 75mm shell glancing off the glacis of a King Tiger tank!
There will be more . . . later
'Elf 'n' Safety' warning: Beware Falling Jaws! I will simply re-post a comment I left over at Deltoid, the High Church of the Global Warming Scientology cult:
Oh, no, say it ain’t so!!!
Even Mr. Pachauri, the well-known ‘dhobi-wallah’, ooops, sorry, I mean railway engineer, in charge of the IPCC has admitted that there has been no global warming for the last 17 years!
Even worse, this rascal had the temerity to suggest that people have the right to question the science, indeed, that questioning was good!
Whodathunkit?!
All I can hear over at the Deltoid site is the sound of severe spluttering which I can't help feeling might, in some obscure way, increase CO2 levels and bring about the end of the world as we know it, or rather, as the HAFs think they know it! Read more at Anthony Watts' excellent site.
So, are the LibDems a bunch of DOMs? Well, not all of them, perhaps, but given that they are a political party in receipt of what turned out to be stolen money and which they adamantly refuse to surrender, one is not too surprised that one of their 'grandees' may be a Dirty Old Man. Still, one must be grateful that this miserable bunch of muesli-eating, sandal-wearing flower-people are able to provide a good laugh from time to time in these frozen Isles as we all shiver under relentless global warming! The Lesbian-straightener was a class act and one can hardly wait for his final curtain. True, the smile fades at the thought of that old fatty, Cyril Smith, who was a perve of monstrous proportions. Now we can all look forward to the sight and sound 'Chubby-cheeks' Clegg dancing on the hot coals of press scrutiny as he rapidly changes his story and tells us that after all, God bless my soul, he did actually know just a teensy-weensy bit about the complaints from those ladies. In the meantime, the biggest loser in British politics, 'Call me Dave' Cameron, who couldn't land a knockout punch on Gordon Brown, now has the easy task of taking the Eastleigh seat formerly held by a proven liar and law-breaker from a party of perves and DOMs. Surely, even he couldn't lose that one . . . could he?
More later
In which the Duff cafe-brasserie-bar-restaurant is awarded 16 Michelin stars: Yes, well, I'm not one to boast but may I say that tonight's poulet rôti avec les légumes mélangés et des saucisses et pommes de terre au lard were, and I can find no more exact description of this gourmet delight - the dog's wotsits painted gold! True, the chicken was a little on the tough side which is perhaps why my stars came from the Michelin Tyre Company. The vegatables were only slightly soggy and the baked potatoes were, well, really baked, if you know what I mean. The 'Memsahib', with typical British pluck, smiled sweetly all the way through - bit like our sex life now I think about it. Anyway, my re-education continues!
And now I'm off to read a book and then go to bed because I'm knackered!
On the subject of The Struggle: has your wife been equipped with a 'grabber'? This is a stick about a yard long, with a pistol grip at one end and a pair of jaws - operated by said grip - at the other. It's wunnerful for picking stuff up (it even helps one pull one's pants up) and you'll usually find that there's also a wee magnet on the business end, to extend its versatility. If you don't have one, do get one. We have one for upstairs, one for down: one was supplied by the NHS and the other we bought at a garden centre.
Posted by: dearieme | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 11:53
Yes, indeed, DM, the 'grabber' is essential kit. We were paid a visit by 'Somerset Mobility', or some such, and suitably raised toilet seat attachments were fitted with side handles to assist getting up and down (our loos now really are 'throne rooms'), a plastic chair with arm rests for use in the shower, the 'Memsahib's armchair was raised by means of plastic blocks, a set of crutches provided, and finally, the essential 'grabber' which she now swears by. The privately-owned hospital which does nothing but contract work for the NHS was simply superb. Already the Memsahib is moving much easier and whilst it would be an exaggeration to say that she goes up and down the stairs like a gazelle, she is moving more quickly and with more confidence.
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 12:18
My understanding of Banksy's work is that they are genuine murals, but the owner of a building which has been graced with his muse will tend to put up a piece of clear plastic to cover it. What with it being worth more than the building, and all that.
The bloke is obviously talented, but in my view no more than an old-fashioned sign-painter. Good draughtsmanship, coupled with some clunky and obvious political point. If it weren't for the money, I don't think many would have escaped the power-hose.
Good to hear about the Memsahib, by the way. She has my continuing wishes for a speedy and full recovery.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 13:03
Ah, so perhaps that was indeed just a plastic cover - but how did they get the painting off the wall without damaging said wall? I feel an investigation by at least 200 Met officers is called for followed by a parliamentary enquiry using the services of 10 MPs and a dozen lawyers! Thanks for your good wishes, 'W'.
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 13:52
Well done with the Sunday tucker and it's great news that the memsahib is surviving under your regime.
What a wonderful human being you are! I'm sure somebody's sent a quiet little note to the queen already but if not, I'll rustle up a few lines and send an email today.
Lord Duff of ? .... hmmm!
Posted by: Andra | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 21:09
David
Cooking
You go to the store and get several of the same frozen dinner. Cook them up in the microwave. Put the contents in the appropriate number of serving dishes or straight on to the dinner plate and take them in to your dearest for dinner.
It is easy to clean up. Be sure to to get the packaging into trash quickly just in case.
May she have a speedy recovery.
http://eclecticmeanderings.blogspot.com/
Hank’s Eclectic Meanderings
Posted by: Hank | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 21:20
Concerning My Way. The songwriters you list ... Is that a joke? Those are untalented rappers. The lyric is by Paul Anka and the melody is a French song.
Posted by: Dom | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 21:52
A bit of "My Way" history.
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=8040
Posted by: Up2L8 | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 23:02
Good to know the Missus is doing better. Have you considered a *chair lift* for the stairs?
Posted by: Up2L8 | Sunday, 24 February 2013 at 23:08
http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/kevin-myers/the-man-who-fell-to-earth-and-what-it-tells-us-about-the-true-meaning-of-life-29087154.html
Posted by: JK | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 01:25
Glad to hear Mrs D is keeping you busy and you are keeping so cheerful 'n all. Have you considered some temporary help - a nice lady from the Baltic regions perhaps? Just to help keep the mess tins polished and sweep up the billet.
Posted by: rogerh | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 06:57
Andra, I'm sure Her Majship is already aware of my many good works and it is only a matter of time before the embossed letter arrives!
Hank, thanks for the tip and I did consider it but alas those processed foods have just had an exceedingly bad press 'over here' with sundry rascals inserting dead horse into them.
Dom and 'Uppers', thanks for the correction. In my haste I just swiped the whole thing off a lyrics site and whilst I hesitated at that list of writers - which looked like a committee! - I didn't have time to check. The link provided by 'Uppers' carries the happy information that Sinatra thought the song was self-indulgent but, as his daughter put it, "It stuck and he couldn't scrape it off his shoe!"
Incidentally, 'Uppers', bloody-bloody TypePad put one of your comments in the Spam Box but I have rescued it. Also, we have double-turn stairs which would have made a chair lift hideously expensive. However, with me standing immediately below her she has managed them and already she can get up on her own with just one crutch and holding the bannister. Game girl!
JK, a fascinating story but I think Kevin Myers is making a bit of an 'Oirish' stretch!
The thought had occurred, Roger, but I suspect the Memsahib might be a bit accurate in the hurling of crutches!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 09:06
Quite right, Andra. Lord Duff of Mummerset!
Posted by: dearieme | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 10:38
Ah, good! Maybe you'll be soon ready for some spanish recipes. Just let me think something to surprise your wife (and family and friends) with. It's now or never!
Posted by: ortega | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 12:16
Ah. The King Tiger. That was a tank, that was.
Posted by: H | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 14:22
Good suggestion, DM, given that I have a record of very amateurish 'mumming'!
Ortega, what I would really like from you is a blog post on the situation in Spain and the reasons why the 'campesinos' have not marched on Brussels and burnt it down?! Seriously, I would like to know what, if anything, is going on in Spain because it is amazingly quiet given the hardships the media keep telling us about - especially the unemployment.
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 14:25
Nigh on impregnable, 'H', so I believe, thank God they didn't get it until too late!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 25 February 2013 at 14:31
So you choose knowledge of the Spanish situation over kitchen pleasures? Well, I can't say that in neither one case nor the other I'm the most appropriate man, but I'll try to do my best.
First, about Spain, as about anything else, I'm affraid, do not believe what you read in the papers or see in TV. My trust in the BBC (please, do not laugh) was shaken many years ago when I saw its information about Spain and I guessed they do the same all over the world.
The crisis here is the usual case that comes when cheap credit (the rates went down when we became EU members) does not force devaluation of the money, since the peseta had left place for the euro. That brings always some bubble of one kind or another, and in Spain it went to the house market, because of historical reasons (here the houses are seldom rented and the construction business was a well prepared one). Prices went up at 15% year after year while the credits were actually free (interest rate being equal to inflation rate), making everyone think: why not? After all, house prices never fell, as everybody knows. Of course, the Government, who was making a lot of money in taxes from this situation (plus dubious money coming from allowing to build in land previously not supposed to), was able to expend as a mad man. No idea of saving for hard times: that does not give you votes.
When all that ended, as all bubbles eventually do, it brought the bankruptcy not of the banks themselves alone (they became the owners of hundreds of thousands of houses nobody wanted) but of the State, who, lacking the money coming from taxes, had to borrow at a rate higher every passing day and to reduce the expending. Somehow people felt less sympathetic to that than to the previous madness.
On the other hand, you must have in mind that here the jobless rate is always high. In the best of times, it was still about 7 or 8%. And so, while the British GDP has fallen as much as the Spanish one, you have today the same employment level as before the crisis while our jobless rate is today above 25% of the working population (wich is always lower here than in other European countries).
So, it is true that many people are having a hard time. Many do not have a job and quite of them are losing the houses they bought with money they didn't have (the original idea was: even if I can't pay, I shall sell the house at a higher price and still make money). But the contrary is happening. After the Spanish law, when you cannot pay your debt, the bank takes your home, but you still own him if the house price is lower than the whole amount of the debt. In this way, you found yourself homeless and still owning money.
Why not a revolution then, you seem to ask. Well, contrary to the general idea, Spain is a middle class country (that is Franco's regime only lasting legacy) and revolutions usually happen when people feel they have nothing to lose (as counter revolutions when rich people feel they have everything to lose). And you must add also what we call 'black economy', that can represent as much as a 20% of the Spanish GDP. I do not know anybody, and I know quite a few, that while receiving money for being jobless is not working at the same time.
The question, in my opinion, rests more in the long term and the way the EU will go. Today, it is seen as a bad marriage: nobody would do it again but the divorce is even worse. Maybe will come the day when the option will be: Germany paying (forever) a part of its GDP to the EU (including the already falling France) or the economies in the south will keep on going as bad as today for a long, long time. Then we will see.
Maybe next time I'll explain you how to make a decent paella. Less reason to cry there, even if you are a begginer.
Posted by: ortega | Tuesday, 26 February 2013 at 09:01
There was only one way to deal with a King Tiger.
If that's what you have to do to get a MM and MC, imagine what it takes to win a VC?
SoD
Posted by: Lawrence Duff | Thursday, 28 February 2013 at 09:10
Thanks, Lawrence - see new post above!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 28 February 2013 at 11:32