Blimey, I've only been playing 'matron' for a morning and I'm knacked! Getting the 'Memsahib' up and onto her crutches and then into the shower, out again, dried, dusted and hair combed, and then the slow motion manouvre back into bed - and I nearly beat her to it! Then it's upstairs, downstairs, upstairs, downstairs, then coffee for the visitors, then cleaning up where the cat was sick, answering the 'phone, sorting out lunch, planning dinner - and the main bloody-bloody, double-bloody oven suddenly decides not to work - dash round to the chemist to drop off a prescription, sorting out laundry for tomorrow - such fun, can hardly wait! - wrestling on the 'Memsahib's skin-tight stockings required to stop thrombosis and which need at least three tyre-levers to get them on and off . . . and golly-gosh, it's only two o'clock - feels like bloody midnight!
Anyway, she'd better hurry up and get fit again otherwise I'm definitely in the market for a nice au pair - Danish, preferably! On second thoughts, perhaps a pair of them, one to look after her and one to look after me!
On the mercifully few occasions Mrs R has been Tom n Dick I found it hard going - hither and thither, up n down etc etc. All this Care in the Community ends up with hubby being wheeled away - so watch out DD and take care of both of yous.
Re au-pairs, pour yourself a stiff drink, it will do you more good.
Posted by: rogerh | Tuesday, 12 February 2013 at 16:34
You are absolutely right, Roger, in all respects but particularly the last and as per your instructions, er, they were instructions, weren't they?, I have made considerable headway into a bottle of Calvados bought on my last trip to France. Do you know, it's just wonderful the way the fatigue, the stress, the worry of it all - just fades away. They should prescribe it on the NHS!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 12 February 2013 at 20:53
You've got a cat, DD? I bet you claim it really belongs to the Memsahib, and you pretend to hate it. But really you are besotted with the little critter....
Posted by: Whyaxye | Tuesday, 12 February 2013 at 21:24
We find the secret is to be ill one-at-a-time. Lord knows what we'll do if simultaneously afflicted.
Posted by: dearieme | Tuesday, 12 February 2013 at 21:41
Ah, poor Duff. A woman's work is never done. Believe that now, McDuff?
And yes, Why, I'm surprised about the cat. What's it's name?
Posted by: Andra | Wednesday, 13 February 2013 at 05:02
Ah yes, DM, timing, as in sex and drumming, it is essential!
We have always had cats, usually more than one at a time. Today, alas, only one and she's an elderly lady called 'Scampi'. We bought her, along with her brother who was named 'Chips', natch! about 18 years ago. His was an odd story. We had him for about five years and then he disappeared for about eight months. Then, just as suddenly, he strolled in through the cat-flap as though he'd never been away, but then, about a month later he disappeared again and never returned. A law unto themselves, cats!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 13 February 2013 at 08:59
Ha! Try that with sixteen ladies and gentlemen (point of interest: why is it that none of patients ever weigh less than 27 stone?) every day for decades. Throw in a bit of abuse, incontinence and sundry other bodily fluids and... are you free for a shift this week? The pay is crap but I'll throw in a nice pair of scrubs (pink for you) and as many specimen bottles and tongue depressors as you can carry.
To be honest, not all my patients actually need TED stockings (NB. the trick is to roll them on and off) but forcing some poor chap to stagger around the ward in a flower-print open backed gown, paper nickers, foam slippers and white TED stockings is one of the few ways I can have any fun round here anymore (especially since they banned me from staging bedpan races and wheelchair bowling and hid the key to the 'bowel-prep' cupboard just because I 'accidentally' spilled some Kleen-prep in sisters teapot. Who would have guessed she could still sprint the length of the ward, let alone hurdle the notes trolley enroute to the staff facilities?)
Posted by: Able | Thursday, 14 February 2013 at 06:41
"about a month later he disappeared again and never returned."
Quit feeding them `evaporated` milk.
Posted by: Up2L8 | Thursday, 14 February 2013 at 08:49
Able, thanks for the stockings tip, I'll try it. Also, of course, I am dimly aware (as in, I am dim) that you guys and gals on the wards day in and day out face a constant source of problems the like of which most of us never have to face. Never, I guess, is a sense of humour more needed!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 14 February 2013 at 08:51
'Oh, very witty, Wilde, er, I mean, 'Uppers'!'
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 14 February 2013 at 08:56