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Monday, 25 March 2013


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Imagine for a moment Mr Duff you are in charge of the Border Agency and given the job of expelling allegedly illegal bods. However Parliament refuses to give you the tools to do the job and instead lumbers you with tiresome and expensive legal procedures that make the job impossible. Parliament also winges from time to time you have not chucked out said immigrants and puts up honourable and upright chaps like Keith Vaz to winge pompously. Vaz knows full well why no-one is chucked out and plays the game well - as does Ms Homer. This ritual is repeated every few years ad nauseam.

As an honest man Mr Duff you would no doubt blow the gaff on this farrago - and get the sack for your honesty. So as a career civil servant you keep buggering on with a system everyone knows is pointless and look forward to pension day. No wonder we are in the s&*t.

My way out of this mess would be to militarise the UKBA. Don't sack all those soldiers, move them sideways into the UKBA. Find a stroppy general and put him in charge. We could make an easy start by recording all those who enter AND all those who leave. Anyone arriving with illegal papers, or with no papers, is held at the arrival point and then shipped out with the carrier that bought them in. Anyone arriving from France via the channel is just shipped back to France using the EU law that says they must apply for asylum when they enter the EU, not when they cross the channel. We don't need any new laws (via the Plonker-in-chief), just apply the rules we already have.

I take your point, Roger, but this wretched woman oversaw the deliberate hiding of some 40,000 names in order to avoid discovery of incompetence. Had I been in her job I would have boxed clever and secretly leaked some of the 'snafus' to the right member on the committee (ie, NOT 'Vazeline'!) and then explained why it was difficult to impose a strict regime without the necessary legal tools.

"Get fell in, you 'orrible lot!" Yes, BOE, that would be a good use for our out-of-work soldiers.

I think rotten veg is wasted on her; it makes lovely useful garden compost. More fitting would be to pay some of the drunken unemployed Eastern European wastrels who infest my neighbourhood to go and piss on her.

Oh, alright then, 'W', if you insist!

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