I think I must blame my e-pal, Ortega, for the last two disastrous nights. Well, someone is to blame and he's the only Spaniard I know! Whatever, the prospect is appalling. Following the 4-0 destruction of Barcelona last night by Bayern Munich, and the almost equal catastrophe tonight in which Dortmund crushed Real Madrid 4-1, it is beyond hope that the situation can be reversed in the second legs. Thus, we face the prospect of hordes of Huns invading Wembley later this year for the European title! It's bad enough suffering the dreadful sight of tens of thousands of big beer bellies from 'ooop north' as they descend on us posh southerners to settle this or that footie competition, but the thought of even bigger bratworst and beer bellies from both north and south Germany is simply too much! No one would have minded an all-Spanish final at Wembley because after all Spain is more or less our second home these days, and even the most fanatical fan would admit that Barcelona and Real Madrid are the greatest teams in the world - or at least, they were up until the last two nights! The memory of the great Real Madrid team of yesteryear, packed with unforgettable stars, er, whose names I seem to have forgotten (except 'Becks', of course), remains with me but today's team were whatever the Spanish is for rubbish. Anyway, I don't know when the final is but I can only urge 'Dave' to give us all a holiday so that we can abandon London to the Hunnish hordes and all go off to Spain!
As someone living so far 'ooop north' that if I went any further I'd be required to wear a skirt, paint myself blue, eat deep fried chocolate and consider the sound of a tortured cat the epitome of classical musical accomplishment, I resemble that remark!
I do not have a "big beer belly", although I will admit to a slight amount of middle-aged spread (think an acerage that John Chisum would have considered excessive) but it's just 'relaxed muscle'.
As to you "posh southerners", Ex second-hand car salesman and Para, I rest my case M'Lord!
Oh, and what is this 'football' of which you wax moaningly? Rugger, the only real mans game! (and I believe the correct taxanomic term is 'you soft southern pansy') and you can't escapee to Spain either as the Hun has already left their towel on it.
Posted by: Able | Thursday, 25 April 2013 at 05:56
Well done, Able, you made me laugh on a murky morning, well, that's why we keep you on, I suppose!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 25 April 2013 at 08:39
Sorry for the delay in answering your challenging text. All I can tell you is that I've been sleeping like a baby: waking up every two hours to cry.
In any case, just think that what you will have for a few days only, we happen to endure here for a very long season. From the moment we start producing sunlight (our main industry) the place gets full of germans. And our beer is quite cheaper than the english. Just imagine...
Anyway, we catholics always hope for a miracle. So, let's keep our fingers crossed and wait. We'll fight them on the beaches...or, at least, charge them as much as possible for the t-shirts.
Posted by: ortega | Sunday, 28 April 2013 at 11:19
Thank you, Ortega, you started my Sunday with a laugh!
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 28 April 2013 at 11:51