What, precisely and exactly, is a 'hate' crime? I ask because the whole notion of a 'hate' crime is about as firmly constructed as a blancmange! If you punch someone in the nose then presumably at that moment you 'hate' them, assuming, of course, that 'hate' is a psychological feeling capable of being defined with the exactitude demanded by m'Learned Friends - pause for giggles to die down! Of course, you might 'hate' someone at the instant you take a swing but just before that you might merely have disliked someone a bit, but somehow a 'Disliked Someone a Bit' crime doesn't have quite the, er, punchiness of a 'hate' crime, does it? For example, if the yob I ordered to pick up his litter in Yeovil High Street a couple of months ago had punched me, or, more likely as my grumpy stupidity rose, I had punched him, would 'hate' have been involved - and if not, why not? According to the mighty Ass Law of the Land, a yob/old git punch-up does not involve 'hate' but if the yob in question had been a black, Seventh Day Adventist homosexual with a limp, then I might have stood trial accused of a 'hate crime' and, presumably, received 'double-bubble' by way of a sentence. But contrarywise, m'Lud, had he punched me then according to the Ass Law of the Land no 'hate' could be involved because being a bad-tempered, aggressive, old git is not a type (or sub-culture, to use the jargon) worthy of qualifying for victimhood - and as a fully qualified grumpy old git I demand to know why not?
I raise this complex subject because according to the BBC, the Greater(?) Manchester Police have decided, unilaterally, to widen the number of groups who, if punched, would qualify as victims of a 'hate crime'. This group will now include 'Goths' and 'Emus' - eh? 'Emus'? Ooops, sorry, I mean 'Emos' and no, I have no idea what an 'Emo' is and please don't bother telling me, I have managed thus far quite well in my ignorance, thank you all the same! Anyway, this blog is now mounting a hate campaign against anyone who opposes my class action to ensure that from now on the potential victims of 'hate crimes' includes GOGs. What was that? Who are GOGs? For God's sake, pay attention - Grumpy Old Gits, of course!
Spot on, Duffers, spot on.
Posted by: dearieme | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 10:04
Thank you, Sir!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 10:41
Oh how ... coincidental, are you channeling me?
The local rag (online version as I'm too cheap to buy one) has a widget that shows mug-shots of everyone convicted and sent down from the locality. Whilst perusing it yesterday, to see how many I recognised/drink with/ have sewed their heads up (and wonder why despite them all being as hard-bitten, disreputable and rough looking a bunch outside the HoC website, do they all seem more photogenic than I do?).
There are currently 404 on display, 11 of whom are 'ladies'. Of those 'ladies' 3 are in pokey for 'pretending to be a pharmacist without a licence and paying tax returns', the rest? Supposed 'racially motivated threatening behaviour' (?!?).
Only two of the males are non-white despite relatively recently having a 'Religion of Peace Pre-pubescent practical biology class' running here involving fifty+ individuals, and I'd guess about the national average as a percentage of population.
The sentences are interesting too. The men, convicted of assorted assault with a deadly axe, dealing in sundry 'herbal medications' without a licence, making a policeman pee himself by pointing a Nerf at him, etc. - average sentence 24 months. The females? 8 mths for the drugs and ... 24 mths for the threatening behaviour?!?
(Apparently you can kill someone but don't, whatever you do, call him a non-white, non-male, non-christian, non-heterosexual, not-able-bodied Bar-steward)
So adding Punks, Goths and Ostriches to the 'minorities'? From a population of nearly 70 million that leaves .... you and me (and I didn't start any wars, couldn't afford a slave and I'm still looking for the 'Dummies guide to oppression' and 'The ten best ways to start your own Empire' - so you'd better just turn yourself in to the nearest commisar right now!)
Posted by: Able | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 11:10
I throw myself on the mercy of the court, yer 'onour!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 12:14
Sorry, DD, the Welsh have beaten you to the acronym:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gogs
Might I suggest Convocation of Rage-Affected Pensioners?
Posted by: Whyaxye | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 15:36
Oh, I dunno, 'W', apparently they are a "clan of dumb, primitive and socially inept cavemen in a fantasy prehistoric Stone Age setting". That's as good a self-description as I could manage!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 16:51
I wouldn't advise punching an emu. They will peck your eyes out or disembowel you with one blow.
Beware of emus.
Ditto for cassowaries.
Posted by: Andra | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 21:33
"Peck your eye out or disembowel you" - well that would at least be preferable to listening to that moaning angsty music. Do yours wear those tight jeans and way too much eye-liner too?
Cassowaries? That sounds ... painful?
G'day Sheila, where's Bruce?
He got bitten by a dingo whilst he was playing with his didgeridoo. now he's in bed with a bad cassowaries.
Ah, No worries, she'll be apples!
Posted by: Able | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 21:53
Oh God! Dare one ask? "Cassowaries"?
Anyone got a YouTube of Rod Hull's 'emu' attacking Parkinson?
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 21:55
Oh I forgot
Strewth, where'd it bite him?
In the outback!
(badoom tish, I'm available for parties and bar-mitzvahs {and for Andra barbies] at reasonable rates. I'll just gewt my coat, shall I?)
Posted by: Able | Thursday, 04 April 2013 at 22:00