My regular commenter, JK, is what is known in country house circles as 'a treasure'. I look upon him as m'butler, you know, a sort of Carson to my Lord Downton. He discreetly shadows my every step picking up my unconsidered trifles and then, with a modest cough behind a white-gloved hand, he produces them miraculously when they are needed. Thus it was that in a comment discussion yesterday he remembered - how does he do that? - a brilliantly elegant and incisive post of mine - sorry did you wish to say something? - written almost exactly four years ago! Quite extraordinary because I can't remember what I wrote four days ago!
It was a post in which I wondered whether David Cameron, then leader of the faux-Tory party in opposition, would turn out to be a Hamlet or a Coriolanus. Of course, being a bit pedantic on Shakespearean matters, I was quick to point out that the popular opinion of Hamlet as being indecisive was, like most popular opinion, completely wrong but for the purposes of my post I would go along with it. Well, now we know, he is neither of those two great but flawed heroes, instead he is more like the Duke of Venice in Measure for Measure, a well-meaning chump incapable of running a piss-up in a brewery!
All of that brings me to my e-pal, Able, whose exposed nerve-endings I touched, well, bashed, apparently, by referring to UKIP candidates as "mouth-foaming loonies". That strained even his extra-large amiability and led to a comment which verged on the disrespectful - yes, I know, to me, a latter-day Lord Downton! Fortunately, Carson, ooops, sorry, I mean JK, stepped in and reminded me of old times when commenters here at Downton, er, Duff & Nonsense knew their places in the natural order of things. As it happens, the phrase "mouth-foaming loonies" was, so to speak, a bit of a throw-away line and in retrospect I wish I had done exactly that! Yes, probabaly UKIP does possess a slightly higher than average number of ab-, sub- or even para-normal members but that is because they are still imbued with enthusiasm verging on idealism, something the members of other parties lost years ago. I am in favour of enthusiatic idealism provided it is married to cynical operation which is an exceedingly tricky skill to master. Mr. Farage has it in spades but I'm not too sure the remainder of his party share his intelligence. In the unlikely event that UKIP ever reached positions of power I fear that those master manipulaters in the civil service would eat them for breakfast.
But, on Thursday we are not voting for a national government, only for various local authorities. Thus, as I said in my previous post, we have the chance, with very little downside risk, to send a clear message to our less than glorious leaders, in particular, D. Cameron Esq. Let the true-Tory vote (and a wedge of Labour, too) give Farage and his 'enthusiasts' a tremendous victory, the pressure waves from which will instantly flatten every glass of champagne at Tory Central Office.
Anyway, dammit, I have just spotted one of those impertinent canvassing Johnies approaching m'front door, time for me to change into m'shootin' togs, I think, now where's m'butler, J.K. Carson? (Oh dear, Andra, m'housekeeper, informs me that he has gone up into, er, 'them thar hills', can't imagine why!)
An' as to how's I does what I does it's pretty elementary David.
As I've encountered ,er, "jovial voices" in the far-reaches of Cyberspace (who have the habit of going into predictive mode, usually wrongish) I make note of what looks to be some time hence, "apt" then place the tidbit into (in your case) a Word Doc titled Duff's Doofsterisms.
And then I wait. And I'm very patient.
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 09:47
Ah, yes, of course, JK, a "Doofsterism" being Arkie for a wise, prognostication, I take it?!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 09:58
Right up there with, Romney will absolutely be the next President!
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 10:07
Absolutely, JK, but how could even I, wise as I am, know just how dumb the American electorate would be? Obviously not enough of them are reading D&N!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 10:12
"Lord Downton"? Aargh! He's surely Lord Crawley, Earl of Grantham?
Posted by: dearieme | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 13:41
Disrespectful? Me? Never!
(“It's not lying when you do it to officers!”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment )
My comment with regards to sixth formers was not a critique of your effort at mummery (of which I hear you are inordinately proud, although I think it has more to do with a penchant for dressing up in strange clothing, and make-up, without having the local constabulary caution you for 'deliberately and with offensive intent [and knees] wearing tights and declaiming in a public place') but, as all my concise, pithy, erudite and made-up-on-the-spur-of-the-moment-as-my-mouth-runs-round-the-world-before-my-brain-can-even-find-its-boots-let-alone-put-them-on comments, a sudden realisation that... that's exactly what 'senior officers' always 'do' sound like.
As to UKIP, criticise away, I'm a firm believer that all politicians should be taken out daily, laughed at and pelted with composting vegetables as means of reminding them just who they are supposed to work for. And 'the mandarins' may be in for a shock. Whilst I don't believe UKIPs representatives are either more or less capable, knowledgeable and experienced than any other parties (not counting those repeat 'experienced' MPs who have already been 'trained' by the civil service), they do have the 'apparent' benefit of approaching 'the mandarins' as a 'known threat' (and from one or two conversations, mandarins who may have to perform a 'full and in-depth analysis of the benefit system from the point of view of a recipient')
From my perspective, I would view it as a step in the right direction if we had a few more 'normal' 'characters' in Westminster and considerably less of 'the prepped from birth, to Poli-Sci graduate, to MPs dogsbody, to MP' political set (I'd trust a used car salesman further than them - ever thought of standing? If you play your cards right you'll eventually get a seat in The Lords and get free tights and a silly outfit!).
Since the mess we're in has, supposedly, no solutions:
“...it is well know that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.”
― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
Posted by: Able | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 14:11
DM, you will, of course, convey my apologies to his Lordship but, alas, like so much that is popular on TV, I know *of* it but without knowing much *about* it! Of course, that excludes American gangster/police series with body counts never less than four per episode - them I know about! Incidentally, "Banshee" on Sky was simply too silly but I might just give it one more chance if only for the gratuitous sex!
Able, surely my mummery is beyond criticism! This Pratchett fella' sounds right for the job!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 15:36
JK heads for the cave in the hills when the still's running dry.
Posted by: Andra | Wednesday, 01 May 2013 at 21:30
Nope - my still is never dry - but the fire under it occasionally needs to've wood added.
Posted by: JK | Thursday, 02 May 2013 at 01:05
Er, JK, we're not moving into double entendres here, are we?
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 02 May 2013 at 08:35