It wos my balls wot made me a good Dad!

Oh yes indeed, as 'SoD' ('Son of Duff', for any newcomers) will confirm, I was an excellent Dad, one of the best and, according to some, er, swots at some Yankee university (thank God, so at least I didn't have to pay for them to waste everybody's time as well as their own) who have 'shown' in a study of men's testicles - and yes, you did read that right! - that men with small testes are more likely to be good dads because the apha-males with huge danglers are too busy flashing the family jewelry to actually spend time with their off-spring.  To be absolutely honest I haven't spent too much time inspecting, let alone measuring, my testes but from the occasional sight of my fellow soldiers in barracks I would describe mine as, er, small but perfectly formed!  Alas, exactly how small is small and how large is large is not vouchsafed in this report and there definitely do not appear to be any photos - for which we may all be grateful!

“Our study is the first to investigate whether human anatomy and brain function explain this variance in parenting effort,” says Jennifer Mascaro, who led the study as a post-doctoral fellow in the Rilling lab. “Testes volume is more highly correlated with sperm count and quality than with testosterone levels.”

Unfortunately, there is also no photograph in the story of the excitingly-named Ms. Mascaro otherwise I might have been tempted to offer her my services!

 

Related articles

Study: Men With Smaller Testicles Are Better Fathers

Great dads have smaller testicles, study suggests - CBC.ca

Stop Boasting About How Big They Are; Smaller Testicles Make You a Better Dad

Study: Smaller testicles, more-involved dads?

Do big testicles really make for bad fathers?

Comments

[Michael Adams]

This is stupid from even inside the 'science.' One clinical sign of lower testosterone is that the scrotum hangs lower and looser. So, they appear bigger, even when they are less active. I could supply anecdotal evidence, but I won't, that there is insufficient correlation. I was universally acknowledged to be a very good dad, and that's all I'll say.

[Able]

So what's a 'good' dad? What's a large testes?

I can't be bothered to search the actual 'research' but did they exclude for race? And most importantly did they exclude for 'cultural expectations', 'career' and the action of 'role models' (those with 'good' dads are more likely to be 'good' dads themselves) - yep certain races have larger ... proportions of poor role models, and the other as well.

Typical pseudo-science yet again.

And you can see what kind of 'scientist' Miss Mascaro is here:

http://cultureofempathy.com/References/Experts/Others/Jennifer-Mascaro.htm

[Rufus]

I do not wish to know that.

[JK]

Jeebers Able!

Now I'm drawn into my tummy and it hurts to walk or sit.

Watch those damned links woncha?

Don't look for me to respond soon, I'll be standing at the bar.

[Michael Adams]

Thanks, Able, for reading that crap so I won't have to.

[David Duff]

Yeeeeees, well, I don't think, after long and careful consideration, that I will be rushing to show my crown jewels to Ms. Mascaro after all, and as for that heebie-jeebie fella' in the film, well, weird or what?

Do you mean to say, JK, that you have got to hawl 'your sorry arse' all the way down to the Bar. Did good ol' 'Jake One-Tooth' forget to deliver your jug from the still tonight? I'm shocked!

Rufus, I'm not quite sure what you did not want to know, all of it, I would guess if you are a man of taste and discernment, but there you go, alas, this blog is summed up in its title!

[Michael Adams]

"Crown jewels?" Getting a bit above ourselves, are we? Mine are only the family jewels.

As for taste and discernment, well, I just splatted what was left here of those qualities. Sorry 'bout that, chief.

[Andra]

I'm with Rufus the Red.
JK - y'all keep yourself nice, now. Ya hear?

[libertybelle]

One can only envision the study participants lined up, nervously awaiting Ms. Mascaro, tape measure in hand, to see how they measure up....

The page, with the picture of your anthropological scientist, comes complete with a 40+ minute video of the lady scientist being interviewed by a gentleman, with mannerisms and a voice eerily like the Satuday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley. Her interview illuminates another research project of hers: "how to build a culture of empathy and compassion". Alas, that cultural nicety, before the feminist era, was a job mothers tackled from the time their little tot grabbed another child's toy or shoved a playmate.

Feeling no empathy nor compassion for, nor interest in, Ms. Mascaro's research endeavors, meanie ol' me, wondered how many tax dollars she netted for her "scientific" endeavors. And yet the image of telling men, "hey do you want see how you measure up?", fills me with wicked glee.

[David Duff]

Ah, Ms. Libertybelle, welcome to D&N and it gives me a chance to plug your site which I have only recently found - so, my regular readers, pay the lady a visit, she has worthwhile things to say:

http://libertybellediaries.com/

As to your comment, I have to agree that the fella' in the film looked and sounded like an escapee from Hammer Films! Also, allow me to repeat my relief that it was tax *dollars* paying for Ms. Mascaro's twaddle and not tax *pounds*!

[libertybelle]

Thank you kindly for the warm welcome David and see, I will feel right at home here. I take my tea with just one lump of sugar and a small splash of milk. One of my grandmothers and a great-grandmother loved to have an informal tea time in late afternoon, oddly enough, considering they were of PA Dutch German ancestry, but who's to argue with borrowing a pleasant social nicety, right?

Touche (sorry have no clue how to do accent marks on this keyboard)on your reminder it was "dollars", but then we still await having to pay for our own great socialized medicine experiment....... leading me to believe many of Ms. Mascaro's future "scientific" quests will lie unfulfilled.

libertybelle

[David Duff]

Well, 'LB' (all regular visitors here are abbreviated by me to save my precious time!), if you drink tea the proper way then you are doubly welcome. And a tip from an old cheat, go to Google Translate, get the word you want in the right lingo, then paste and copy - voilà, all is korrekt! I find it adds a certain but entirely spurious sense of expertise which this blog desperately needs!

[Michael Adams]

Shazzam! Such a nifty trick. Now, will it italicize?