Sky News has been intermittently irritating me this morning with constant repetitions of footage from outer space showing some 'Russkies' proudly locking their spacecraft onto that great waste of space ('Very witty, Wilde!') and eye-wateringly expensive space lab that circles our planet for no particular reason that I have been able to fathom. They bring with them what they obviously believe to be a most valuable icon of our times - an Olympic torch! Apparently, they intend to go outside their spaceship and cavort around with it. At that point my most malicious and vindictive thoughts will be lasered directly at them through space because I hope, nay, I pray - they drop the bloody thing! Oh come on, where's your sense of humour? Can you imagine that 'priceless'(!) relic ever so slowly but inexorably cartwheeling away from the outstretched fingers of the Russian astronaut as he begins to make the sort of excuses that English slip-fielders make when they drop a dolly! Oh, my giddy aunt, I would pay good money to see that.
The other great sporting question of the day, or to be accurate, of next year, is whether or not we can rely on the residents of the barrios in Brazil to, er, 'kick off' on one when footie's World Cup starts next year. Apparently, they have been playing some 'practice matches' before the main event by rioting and shooting sundry policemen as a means of expressing their displeasure that ga-zillions are being spent on this ridiculous circus mounted to the greater glory (and wealth) of Herr Sepp Blatter, President of FIFA. I must say that our very own, home grown 'youfs and youfettes' let me down badly during the London Olympics when I fully expected at least three full riots to put the kybosh on the whole ridiculous, puffed-up nonsense that it has become.
So, meus amigos in Brazil, I am looking to you to keep a grumpy old man happy in England by staging some world class 'bovver'. In particular, and here I anticipate, I know, but if our English footie team is playing please keep your eyes open for any groups of fans obviously drunk (irrespective of the time of day) and with unhealthily white skins covered in tattoos and sporting bellies the like of which you will never have seen in your Brazilian slums. If you see them . . . well, what can I say? . . . do feel free, that's all!
If they drop the torch in space, it won't do cartwheels, it will just hang there.
I love space exploration. It's the one area where I give up my small government views and dearly wish for more spending, although I'm glad that the private sector is getting into it now. When I was young, I thought I'd be among the first to colonize a planet.
You have to admit, space exploration is more exciting than waging war, which is the other thing the US government does.
Posted by: Dom | Thursday, 07 November 2013 at 14:52
Well, Dom, it will hang there if no force has been exerted on it but if he's an excitable Russian and he's waving it then according to my almost nil knowledge of physics it will go on cartwheeling until another force changes it! Cue - DM!
Posted by: David Duff | Thursday, 07 November 2013 at 16:14
Sorry, Duffers, I'm an anti-Dom on space entertainments - they bore me to tears.
Posted by: dearieme | Thursday, 07 November 2013 at 21:17
Yes, I tend to agree with you, DM, once that chap walked on the moon it has all been a bit of a yawn ever since. What I wonder about is what exactly they do up in that space-lab-thingie. And is it worth the ga-zillions it takes to get them up there?
Posted by: David Duff | Friday, 08 November 2013 at 08:46
Space boring? But what about SpaceX and others?
For myself I can think of nothing more exciting than 'boldly going where no Englishman has gone before' - I even have my Star-Trek uniform and Firefly six-shooter ready (I'm mostly hoping that Uhuru and/or Summer Glau agrees to come with me though).
OK, I admit it, I've just had enough of all the **** happening all over and want to do a Daniel Boone, except all the d**m frontiers have gone.
Posted by: Able | Friday, 08 November 2013 at 23:29
Ah yes, Uhuru, I could go into space with her any time! And if you want to 'do a Daniel Boone', Able, bugger off to Arkieland, there's even less people there than in space! Of course, JK's there and he's more trouble than a 'footie' crowd but still ...
Posted by: David Duff | Saturday, 09 November 2013 at 08:47
I'm trying! For some strange reason the Yanks are reluctant to let me in, what have you been telling them about me?
Oh, and I forgot to mention one aspect of space, defence. Take the high ground or, as generally phrased in both sci-fi and policy papers by those whose jobs it is to consider such, 'those who hold the orbitals own the planet'.
If 'we' don't look to space your friendly Russian, Chinese and Indians will.
(Don't forget also the amount of money to be made, asteroid mining etc. as well as all those sin-off technologies we take for granted.)
Posted by: Able | Saturday, 09 November 2013 at 21:30