The chairman of the board is pleased to announce that 'Monday Funnies inc.' has now gone global with material sourced (or should that be sauced?) from Australia and America. As always, the chairman takes no responsibility for the end product!
A cop notices a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
As he approached the car he saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
"I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol," said the officer.
The woman blew into the device and the officer walked it back to the police car.
After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
"You mean it shows that, too?" replied the astonished woman.
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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ................but they kind of taste like peppermint.
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This one isn't the slightest bit funny although it might appeal to the lower sort of Aussie humour!
A policeman in New South Wales this weekend pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and out of the traffic. He approached the car window and said "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser".
The man reached into his pocket and produced a doctor's note.
On it was written:"This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath".
The policeman said "Okay then I need you to come and give a blood sample"
The man produced another letter.This one said: ”This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way".
So the officer said: "Right, I need a urine sample then".
The man produced a third letter from his pocket.
It read:"This man plays cricket for England; please don't take the piss out of him!"
See what I mean?!
The last one about the NSW police officer is effing hilarious. I always thought my sense of humour was low and Duffers you have just confirmed my suspicions.
Sorry about that [well no I'm not really]
Posted by: AussieD | Monday, 20 January 2014 at 09:36
(Sound of teeth grinding behind polite smile!)
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 20 January 2014 at 09:44
Here ya go AussieD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBFLsIOah-E
Posted by: JK | Monday, 20 January 2014 at 13:03