Your Monday Funnies from the 'usual suspects'!
Sue Ellen said: Ever since I was a child I’ve had a fear of someone hiding under my bed at night so in the end I went to see a ‘shrink’.
I said to him, 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the shrink. 'I'll think about it,' I said.
Six months later the shrink met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car.'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
After his examination the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
Later, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears To be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
She replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied.
"That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD. Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that's when it all kicked off!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A recent article in the Kentucky Post, reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's hospital, saying that, after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied:
"Mr. Maynard was admitted to Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Back to work - here comes the boss!
Comments