Your (late) Monday Funnies: 10.3.14

Sorry for the delay - events, and all that!  The first one is ex-Andra who gave me a rollicking for losing it inside my computer-thingie:

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.  The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could put one over on them easily.  So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. 

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.  The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.  Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. 

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. 

The lawyer asks the first question.  "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" 

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. 

Now, it's the senior's turn.  He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and come down with four?" 

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he could find on the Net.  He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.  After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. 

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00.  The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes back to sleep. 

The lawyer is now going nuts not knowing the answer.  He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" 

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

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A major international company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was:  "A man and a woman are in bed, naked. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back.  What is the man's name?"
 
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers. The first, from the USA , says "My answer is, there IS no answer."
 
The second, from England, says "My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given."

The third one, from Scotland, says "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer?"
 
The Scotsman got the job.

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"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.  In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said  Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman.  "Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

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Better late than never, eh?  Oh! take that as a 'no', shall I?

 

Comments

[dearieme]

The first one elicited a bark of approval.

[Andra]

See! DM knows a good joke when he hears one.

[Andra]

Old age and treachery will prevail.

[David Duff]

Yes, and no doubt DM will be trying that out on his next holiday abroad!