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Monday, 26 May 2014

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"I am considering selling up and moving here!" - Woo, woo, my Summer holidays sorted for the next few years then!

Mind you, Golden Dawn might not like a Johnny foreigner shooting his mouth off over the blogosphere, they can watch you through the proxy servers you know ...

Btw, speaking of computer things, err, slight delay on the computer front, will get on it tomorrow.

SoD

What blonde sheila giving the Frog grief?

I always thought Golden Dawn was - no I won't go there 'cause I've been out of the naughty corner while you've been on hols.

Enjoy the rest of the holiday Duffers

Now look here, Sod, if you want hang on to your job as my systems manager then you had better get my computer up and running by the time I get back! Sorry, did you say something?

Marine le Pen, the leader of the French Right-wing party which has just thrashed Hollander and his socialists. I know you live at the arse-end of the globe, AussieD, but do pay attention!

Dawn, not showers, AussieD.

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

And an all-time favourite -

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


Since there are no Monday funnies again I thought I'd give you something to think about.

I like #19.

David, remember that of all the islands you've taken thus far, they have to be returned before your departure. You don't want to show up at Heathrow with an undeclared island in your possession.

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