DUFF & NONSENSE!

The Sunday Rumble: 31.8.14

Shockin', shockin'!   Poor George Galloway, attacked in the street by some demented oaf who appears to have taken umbrage at George's virulent anti-Israel remarks.  Poor George's jaw was broken and I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked . . . er, but, of course, that means poor George will not be able to speak for some time.  Ah well, it's an ill-wind that doesn't, so to speak, blow someone's hat into the river and give us all a laugh!

 

There's usually more to a story than the headlines:   Which is why I have delayed in remarking on the case little Ashya King (5) who was taken from a British hospital by his parents who drove him to Spain where they have connections.  Ashya suffers with a brain tumour and because the parents are Jehovah Witnesses original reports hinted darkly that the parents were refusing medical treatment for their son.  Actually, JWs only object to blood transfusions.  Now it transpires that what the parents wanted was a particular ray treatment that is unavailable under our NHS - "the envy of the world"!  The parents believed that the treatment insisted on by the NHS medics would cause severe collateral damage where-as the ray treatment would not.  The father objected and apparently gained the distinct impression that if he complained again the authorities would seek a protection order which would ban the parents from the hospital.  He did a runner taking his wife and son with him and made for Marbella in Spain where he owns property and the boy is now in a Spanish hospital.  He and his wife are under arrest at the behest of the British police.  There are all sorts of stereotypes who might (or might not) fit into this story - religious fanatics denying science, bumptious 'I know best what's best for you' doctors so don't argue with me, 'Nurse Ratchett'-type hospital administrators . . . and so on.  It's too early to say for sure but whatever, I do wish little Fashya all the very best.

 

Would you buy a used Nobel Peace Prize from this man?  

 

Al Gore

 

A polar bear

 

His 'prophetic' words according to today's Daily Mail:

‘The North Polar ice cap is falling off a cliff. It could be completely gone in summer in as little as seven years. Seven years from now.’

They were actually spoken seven years ago when he picked up his totally undeserved Nobel Peace Prize.  So then, Al baby, how did your prophesy work out? 

The most widely used measurements of Arctic ice extent are the daily satellite readings issued by the US National Snow and Ice Data Center, which is co-funded by Nasa. These reveal that – while the long-term trend still shows a decline – last Monday, August 25, the area of the Arctic Ocean with at least 15 per cent ice cover was 5.62 million square kilometres. 

This was the highest level recorded on that date since 2006 (see graph, right), and represents an increase of 1.71 million square kilometres over the past two years – an impressive 43 per cent. 

Other figures from the Danish Meteorological Institute suggest that the growth has been even more dramatic. Using a different measure, the area with at least 30 per cent ice cover, these reveal a 63 per cent rise – from 2.7 million to 4.4 million square kilometres.

So, not too good then, Al Baby, better stick to all your investments in windmills and solar panels which, with the help of big fat Federal and State subsidies, makes you the 'gazillionaire' you are today.  Er, but don't ring us, we'll ring you!

 

Carswell puts me in a 'shilly-shally' mode:   Or perhaps a 'shall I, shan't I?' mode is a better description.  What I mean is that Douglas Carswell's defection from the Tories to UKIP has, like "a hanging in the morning", 'concentrated my mind wonderfully'!  I am now certain that Carswell believes on the evidence of his experience with those in and around the Tory leadership that whatever Cameron does or does not achieve in his 'negotiations' with the EU, he will never lead a campaign to get us out.  That is something I have suspected for some time but because I trust Carswell's judgment I now know it.  Thus, my previous decision to vote UKIP for the European elections and Tory for the general election is now under review!  I will expand on what passes for my reasoning in a full post next week.

 

"The banality of evil":   That phrase, first conjured by Hannah Arendt, has always struck me as being deadly accurate although, on looking up 'banal' in my OED it says "so lacking in originality as to be obvious and boring".  Well, most evil is exactly that but there are some examples which are the exact opposite.

The story of this young man is told by Spiegel and incorporates both the banality and the mouth-dropping incredularity of evil.  Warning: it will likely ruin your day!

 

"Ten Little Niggers" in 'Yerdie-durble':   Damn!  BBC4 let me down last night.  About the only TV viewing I look forward to are the foreign murder series shown on BBC4 on Saturday nights.  After a long, tedious Summer, they kicked off their Autumn schedule last night with 'Crimes of Fashion' set in 1950s Sweden on a remote and inaccessible island.  A collection of friends, lovers and aquaintances have gathered and one by one they get bumped off.  Obviously loosely based on Agatha Christie's classic which recently had to be renamed "Ten Little Indians" and was then changed yet again to "And Then There Were None".  Alas, with so many different characters and not being able to read the sub-titles at speed I soon lost the plot, or, to be precise, I couldn't work out who was who.  After watching them all for an hour I decided I didn't much care who they were.  Big Fail, my 'Yerdie-durble' friends - and BBC4 - must do better!

 

No more rumbles

 

  

 

Related articles

Galloway released from hospital after attack

Missing Ashya King found in Spain

Just read and enjoy

This was sent to me by a very elderly friend who is, alas, not in the best of health.  She is a very tough, old, Jewish lady with a sparkling sense of humour and she and I hit it off when we first met some thirty years ago.

I read it and was moved:

“You - you alone will have the stars as no one else has them...In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night...You - only you - will have stars that can laugh.”

They are the words of a Frenchman whose name is known to me but of whose biography I know very little except that he was a brave and pioneering airman - Antoine de Saint Exupéry.

 

'HMS Cameron' torpedoed amidships

So Douglas Carswell, a fiercely independent thinker and a passionate advocate for Britain to leave the UK has now decided to leave the Tory party, or to be precise, has decided to leave the Tory party led by David Cameron.  Sundry political commentators who know a great deal more of the background than me complain that only a few months ago Carswell made clear that he would remain loyal because he trusted Cameron to negotiate an entirely new arrangement between Britain and the EU.  If they're right then the answer is obvious, Carswell no longer trusts Cameron.  My hunch is that the Old Etonion fops who surround Cameron indicated that this, that or the other was absolutely, definitely, take my word for it, old boy, at the top of the PM's list of 'must haves' when he starts negotiations with 'Juncker the Drunker'.  However, gradually Carswell has come to the conclusion that it's all BS and that Cameron will be happy to go to Brussels and be tossed a fig-leaf or two which he will bring back home in triumph and then deploy the full weight of the government machine, aided no doubt by the Brussel's hierarchy plus the money and weight of the British Confederation of Industry, in a huge campaign - supported by Libs and Labs - to keep us in.

If that is what Carswell believes then I think he is absolutely spot on!  I, for one, thank him for his political courage in not only leaving the Tories but immediately bringing about a by-election which, I hope and pray, he will win handsomely.  If he does, there are a considerable number of other Euro-sceptic Tory MPs with slim majorities who might well be tempted to follow.  My guess is that this morning there is genuine fear at the highest level of the Tory party and if Carswell wins big that fear will turn to panic.  I also guess that even as I write, several young Tory apparatchiks are already busy re-writing Dave's conference speech to make it sound a lot tougher vis-a-vis Europe.  The question is, will anyone believe him unless he becomes far more specific about his aims.

My admiration for Carswell is immense.  He has probably ruined his political career by acting on a deeply held principle - you don't see a lot of that around Westminster!  Of course, by opening a split he could have opened the door for a Miliband premiership next year as UKIP gnaws away at the Tory foundations, and that would be a disaster.  However, it would be a short-lived disaster much as Hollande's socialism is proving to be in France, and anyway, Europe is still edging inexorably towards the cliff edge so they might do the job for us on their own. 

Whatever, I just hope and pray that we regain our independence and get back to trading and operating around the globe for and on behalf of ourselves.  From that, all sorts of good things will follow.

ADDITIONAL:  I couldn't resist this photo montage by Carla Millar at The Coffee House:

 

 

Related articles

Carswell: 'Tories aren't serious about change UK needs'

Douglas Carswell's defection to Ukip is a seismic shock to the British political system

If the Tories can't keep Carswell in the fold, they are in serious trouble

Tory MP defects to UKIP in blow for Cameron

Douglas Carswell defection: Eurosceptic ex-Tory MP fires parting shot at David Cameron

And the second reason why Obama and his Dem cronies should be lynched

Admittedly, the view from 'over here' to 'over there' is somewhat obscured and distorted although this has changed enormously for the better in the last 20-odd years as the internet has grown.  However, post-Reagan and through the Bush and Clinton years I gained the distinct impression that racial tensions in America were easing, yes, slowly, perhaps too slowly and also fitfully but nevertheless, improving.  Now, after six years under a black president it seems to me, from a distance, that America is back to the bad, old days and inter-racial tensions are rising fast.  The recent shooting dead of a black American yob by a white policeman in circumstances which still are not clear is a perfect example of why this has happened.

I should add, quickly, that it is not the incident itself which provides the example of deteriorating race relations.  Like everyone else, I am not clear on the details yet but I would take a large wager that if the yob concerned had been white then he, too, would have been shot in the same circumstances.  No, what stands out is the re-action of the Democrat party in general and the Federal government in particular.  Almost immediately following the incident those two race hucksters, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, like a couple of characters from a Tom Wolfe novel, were on the scene, centre-stage, providing their same old equivalent of a music hall double-act - same old lines, same old lies!  Of course, prior to their entry their acolytes, so-called 'community organisers' (now where have I heard that expression before?) had been hard at it whipping up emotions. 

So far, so normal, and praise the Lord, 'The One' had managed to restrict himself from claiming, as he did after the Trayvon Martin shooting, that 'it could have been me at that age'.  Perhaps the reason for his unusual reticence was the very quick release of the video showing the 6'-4" overweight black yob picking up a scrawny little shop assistant who was objecting to his shop being robbed and hurling him into a display shelf.  Even so, after the warm-up act from 'Jackson & Sharp', in comes the main act, Eric Holder, the Attorney General, no less, and the highest legal officer in the Land of the (not so) Free.  He is Obama's pet poodle and he would not have ventured into this fester-pit without orders.  His mere presence, pictured consoling the family, will be enough to skew any chance of a neutral investigation, let alone a fair trial should it come to that.

America is a great country, a kind and generous country but, like everywhere else on this planet, it is made up of human beings and that means it can be, and often is, a dangerous and threatening country.  It is exceedingly difficult to know which sort of America you are dealing with in any situation.  I am very much obliged to Richard F. Miniter at The American Thinker who has written an excellent article based on his experience of being a small town cop and the way in which it is difficult to step outside your own experience and make an attempt to gain a rounded picture of your society.  I do urge you to read his piece!

There is no doubt in my mind that the exceedingly dangerous people with whom Obama has surrounded himself, and Holder is a prime example, are determined to seize every opportunity to ratchet up inter-racial tensions.  The reason is simple - an angry, fearful, resentful, black community will be provoked into getting off their arses and into voting.  And when they do, they will vote Democrat.  It's politics of the most despicable kind - but it works!

Just two reasons why the Obama regime is putrid with political corruption

Yes, of course, there are several other reasons but I will concentrate on just two of them - the IRS scandal and the shooting dead of a black youth in Ferguson, Mo.

In America, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), their equivalent of Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs, possesses draconian powers such that individual citizens treat it with extreme caution, not to say, outright fear.  Once you come to their attention, apparently, you could write off the next year or two of your life dealing with the tsunami of papework they will unleash on you and which must be responded to without fail - or else!  If found guilty of an infringement, the penalties, too, can be drastic.  Well, I guess, that is more or less a description of all tax collecters everywhere and, needless to say, they will always concentrate on middle-class softies because they make easier targets!

I will not rehearse all the details of the recent scandal in which it is strongly - and, boy, do I mean strongly! - suspected that the IRS management, via its union-dominated and Democrat party sympathising links, has deliberately targeted active Republican organisations and individuals for close examination.  Everyone, from President 'Perfection', down through various layers of the White House apparat, right through the so-called Attorney-General's office (the highest legal office in the land) and his Dept. of Justice (who sniggered?) and including the top levels of the IRS management have, to put it simply, lied and lied and lied again.

The main culprit (so far!) has been a Ms. Lois Lerner, a hatchet-faced lying-liar whose first act before a Congressional committee was to 'plead the fifth', a tradition upheld over the decades by every mafia gangster ever caught by the Feds.  The committee asked her for copies of her e-mails and, you'd never guess what, they had all been, er, eradicated by a breakdown in her computer system.  Well, not exactly "all", just those during the period when information was required!  Then, along trooped a medley of top brass from the IRS, including the boss-man himself, who confirmed that e-mails had been 'accidentally' eaten by the dog wiped out due to a computer glitch and, desperately sorry though they were there was no way of resurrecting them because absolutely no copies existed anywhere.

Happily, an organisation called Judicial Watch which has been pursuing the IRS through the courts had its case put up before Judge Emmet G. Sullivan, a tenacious judge known to show no fear or favour when it comes to investigating government departments.  So finally, a DoJ lawyer has admitted that copies of Ms. Lerner's e-mails do exist because apparently absolutely all Federal e-mails are saved in a special programme introduced decades ago to cover for the possibility of a major catastrophe and possible collapse in government systems.  However, the IRS is now saying that it is far too complicated to try and find these e-mails so they do not intend to look.  Well, good luck with that one in front of Judge Sullivan!  And then there is the 'little' matter of all the top IRS brass swearing under oath that no copies existed.

I cannot stress strongly enough that that all this villainy has not arisen with just one or two rogue officials in the IRS.  Their actions were encouraged at the highest level of government and the subsequent cover-up - let's just call it by its proper name, lying - was endorsed, if not led, by the White House including the President.  In other words the power of supposedly neautral Federal authorities has been subverted to the domestic politics of the Democrat party.  If this goes unpunished, by both the judiciary and the people in the ballot box, then as far as I am concerned, once-proud America has now declined to the level of a third world cartel country.

(Alas, I am on 'funereal duties' this afternoon following the death of an old friend, so I will add Part II later.)

 

 

Related articles

IRS Admits It Destroyed Lois Lerner's Blackberry After Congress Began Investigating Scandal

"Irs Shocker!" [cover Up? Deliberate Destruction?]

IRS destroyed Lois Lerner's Blackberry AFTER Congressional inquiry began

Lost & Found IRS Emails Suggest Smidgen Of Confusion, Or Worse

CRIMINAL OUTRAGE: Lois Lerner's Blackberry Destroyed After Congressional Inquiry Began!

WHITE HOUSE CAUGHT IN ANOTHER LIE: Lerner's Emails Are Backed-Up But DOJ Refuses To Retrieve Them

Are the French about to go bonkers again?

Alas, it is in the finest traditions of la France to amble along quietly, enjoying its wine and cuisine, and then suddenly to hurl itself into a political hissy-fit of such proportions that the neighbours have to duck the flying crockery!  Ever since Madelaine began her liaison amoureuse with 'Hans ze Hun' life has gone along rather well but as any mistress will tell you it is necessary to always to be at your best.  For the last 25-odd years or so, France has begun to show her age and failed to maintain her make-up!  She is suffering and the financial calamity of six years ago hit her hard.  Alas, unlike some of her neighbours she is failing to do what was, and still is, necessary to restore herself to good political and economic health.  Given her history of internal political tantrums you can expect, any time now, serious trouble 'just over there'.

Should you doubt me - nah, you wouldn't do that! - read Anne-Elisabeth Moutet, a French lady, in The Telegraph today.  She reports on the split that has occurred in Hollande's cabinet.  His prime minister is a moderate social democrat attempting to steer France through the wreckage produced by Hollande's socialist diktat which has brough France almost to its knees.  However, what Hollande has done, and what his prime minister is trying to put right, has outraged the extreme socialists led by a charismatic - dread word! - man called Arnaud Montebourg who has resigned from the government and formed a coalition of the extreme Left.  Meanwhile, Madame le Pen continues to advance her extreme Right party over what remains of the old Sarkozy centre Right which is ensnared in corruption charges - why am I not surprised?

The most gloomy feature of Mde. Moutet's article is that the French people seem incapable of embracing any sort of change, simply insisting on more of the 'same old, same old'.  Even the young have no further ambition than to get a job in the civil service where the hours are easy, the working life short and the pension enormous!  Incoming business investment has vanished, existing businesses are selling up and start-ups simply don't start any more!  French youth faces a structural unemployment rate of 30-40%.

To emphasise the seriousness, Ben Wright in the Financial section of The Telegraph, sums up France's plight thus:

Only in France could Mr Hollande, who introduced a punitive top income tax rate of 75pc and effectively hung a “closed for business” sign on Europe’s second largest economy, be considered too right wing.

In truth, the president’s “responsibility pact”, introduced in January, doesn’t go nearly far enough; it hasn’t the faintest chance of bolstering business confidence or creating more jobs. Unemployment is rampant and Mr Hollande has a personal approval rating of just 17pc.

The whole situation reminds me of Gen. Foch's famous remark in 1914: "My centre is giving way, my right is retreating, situation excellent, I am attacking".  Alas, I don't think Presidente Hollande possesses either the spirit or the wherewithal to be another Foch.  I do not report these gloomy tidings with any relish.  It is always in British interests to have a strong and healthy France across the Channel.  If a French collapse, either political or economic, occurs then one of our main markets will come under threat and that will not do us any favours.

Vive la France!

 

In which I indulge in some hero worship

Here's a simple question - not!  Who wrote this:

If, in some cataclysm, all of scientific knowledge were to be destroyed, and only one sentence passed on to the next generations of creatures [my emphasis], what statement would contain the most information in the fewest words? I believe it is the atomic hypothesis (or the atomic fact, or whatever you wish to call it) that all things are made of atoms—little particles that move around in perpetual motion, attracting each other when they are a little distance apart, but repelling upon being squeezed into one another. In that one sentence, you will see, there is an enormous amount of information about the world, if just a little imagination and thinking are applied.

Yes, you are right, a swot, but a truly great swot and a man I have admired enormously since I first came across him in the early '80s - Richard Feynman.  It was just before that time that my insatiable curiosity was hooked by the 'fantastical' - well, they were 'fantastical' to just about everyone including the swots! - notions of quantum mechanics.  Thank God, there were, and still are, excellent writers who are able take the ignorant by the hand and lead them gently at least part of the way into the magical mystery land that exists below the level of the atom.  I stress that one can only go so far unless, that is, you can 'speak' mathematics.  Without maths you can only grasp the outline but that is enough to blow your mind away in such a fashion that you will never look at the world in the same way again.

I can't recall the details of the programme I watched but in essence it was Feynman explaining these wonders in a totally relaxed, not to say downright easy-going manner in which all the hideous complexities (well, some of them) were clarified.  Later I bought and read James Gleick's biography of him, Genius: Richard Feynman and Modern Physics.  This showed the mischievous, gambling, womanising, drum-playing Feynman as well as the brilliant scientist and the loving husband who was widowed far too early in his life.

Anyway, the point of all this waffle is to tell you that friends and colleagues of Feynman have brought together all of his lectures given at Caltech University  back in the '60s and published them on the internet.  I have saved them and I will, I promise, try and nibble at them bit by bit although whether or not I live long enough to finish them is moot!  And how much I will understand is even 'mooter'!

http://www.feynmanlectures.caltech.edu/

 

But, m'Lud, I only shagged her in the line of duty!

Tim Worstall points his truncheon, er, in a manner of speaking, at a problem, or non-problem depending on your point of view, at the latest police practice in which Her Maj's Loyal Constabulary infiltrate Left-wing loony groups and shag the 'wimmin'.  Needless to say, The Graun is shocked, I tell you, shocked!  According to a total wet by the name of Owen Jones, the 'wimmin' concerned are attempting to bring rape charges but the Crown Prosecution Service will have none of it.  Now, I believe, they are thinking of suing for damages on the grounds of being shagged under false pretences.  Oh God, I hope none of my 35 19 8, oh alright, pair of 'conquests' (prior to the Memsahib sandbagging me!) read about this - hopefully at their age now their eyesight is as useless as mine!  I can't quite recall whether I told them at the time that I was, in reality, 008 working for MI6, or, that I was the stunt man who did all the action sequences in the James Bond movies and that I was really, really friendly with Sean Connery, something like that anyway.  What I do remember is that whatever the story it always went down much better after several gin and tonics.  Anyway, they wouldn't sue if they found out, they'd just smile gratefully for the memory, I just know they would!

 

Your Bank Holiday Funnies: 25.8.14

You really don't deserve any 'funnies' today because instead of slaving away at the coalface you're all lounging about at home.  On the other hand, in the finest tradition of British Bank Holiday Mondays, it's pouring with rain and no doubt the wife is moaning because instead of going out she now has to cook lunch at home, the kids are grizzling because they were promised a trip to the seaside - and the dog is due for a walk!  So in my usual good-hearted way I take pity on you and here's some stinkers good jokes to cheer you up:

Two Irish women were sitting next to each other in a bar.  

After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland .'
 
The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'
 
The first one says, 'So am I!  And whereabouts in Ireland are ya from?'
 
The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.'
 
The first one responds, 'So, am I!!   And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'
 
The other woman says, 'A lovely little area.  It was in the west end.  I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'
 
The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world.  So did I!  So did I!  And what school did ya go to?'
 
The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course..'
 
The first one gets  really excited and says, 'And so did I!  Tell me, what year did you graduate?'The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see.  I graduated in 1964.'
 
The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!  I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight!  Can you believe it?  I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!'
 
About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
 
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'
 
Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'
  

Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are pissed again'.

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On a train from London to Manchester an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. 

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood. What do you say to that?" 

The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!" 

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When I was young I decided to go to Medical School.  

At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters 'PNEIS' and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.  

Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today, while the rest of us are sending jokes via email....

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 Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up.  He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early.

His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband.

She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.

She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too.”

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And an extra one because it's raining today:

 

 

Exercise for over 50s:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. 

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)                   

 

 After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

 

Have a good day - and don't forget your 'wellies'!

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 24.8.14

Oh dear, what a pity never mind:    Well, not quite the day of perfection I had hoped for - see post below.  I don't go to seriously posh - and hugely expensive - places too often for very obvious reasons!  So I was looking forward to my lunch at the Bath Priory. As I told you yesterday, it was a special celebration for our friends; our respective ladies were elegantly dressed, and us chaps were 'smart casual' - and, yes, as Founder, President for Life and so far the sole member of S.P.O.T (Society for the Preservation Of Ties) I was wearing a tie.  So you can imagine the grinding of teeth that occurred when I walked through the lounge to see a young man slumped on a settee wearing a bathrobe with his feet on the table!  The hotel has a Spa and presumably they allow guests to wander about outside the Spa in bathrobes.  Had we been on our own it would have qualified as 'interesting times'!  However, not wishing to spoil the day for our friends I ignored him but then moving out onto the terrace there was a middle-aged couple, the lady in a dress but the man wearing the sort of scruffy cargo-style shorts and old T-shirt that I wear when I'm cutting the Churchyard grass.  More grinding of teeth!  Next time I think I'll take them to MacDonalds, you get a better class of customer there!  Then there was the play  . . .

 

'But Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?'   As I told you yesterday, after lunch we went to see Hay Fever by Noel Coward which was interesting for me, having played in an amateur production of it, to see how the professionals would do it properly.  Well, they did it very, very professionally and very properly . . . and yet . . . and yet . . . it didn't work!  As any thesp, am or pro, will tell you, comedy is the hardest because the litmus test takes place every minute during the play - you either get the laughs or you don't!  Despite Felicity Kendall's superb prformance and the terrific efforts of the rest of the company - they simply didn't get the laughs!  And I'm still not quite sure why, which is strange for me because I am usually quite good at analysing productions of plays.  Possibly, and I put this forward tentatively, they simply tried too hard.  The pace, at times, was ferocious.  Of course, there are inherent difficulties in Coward's play given that he introduces us to a family of four (called Bliss - yeeees, quite, that's the first joke!) whom you would happily walk a hundred miles to avoid.  Each of them, son, daughter, father and above all, mother, are monstrous but, locked in as they are to their own daft, self-centred world, they are totally unaware of their own monstrosities.  My God, how Coward, the product of a lower middle-class family, must have hated arty-farty toffs because he certainly exacted his revenge in this play.

 

Is Obama worse than Nixon?      I shall return to this question next week but in the meantime read this ruthless parody in the NYT by the ferocious Maureen Dowd who is, of course, Leftie-liberal to her very fingertips which tapped out this eviscerating attack on 'The One'.

 

One good word for 'Dave':   It's only a very tiny 'good word' but still, given the amount of offal I regularly tip on his silly head it's worth a mention.  During the week there was a photo of 'Dave' walking alone across a beach in Cornwall in his wet-suit and carrying his surf board.  All around him were the usual collection of holiday families some of whom were staring but most of them ignoring him.  Certainly none of them were getting unduly excited by his presence.  'Yeah, so he's the prime minister, so what, let's get on with our sandcastle, it's holiday time' seemed to be the general attitude.  Exactly right and so English but good for 'Dave' to be seen with the proles for a change.

 

Danniel Hannon says sorry:   And that's why I like him!  As he admits in The Telegraph, he was a prime supporter in the move to have elected Police Commissioners in every police area and now he is forced to concede that it simply hasn't worked the way he hoped it would.  Instead of ordinary but concerned members of the public keen to offer their services standing for election it has been 'the usual suspects' from the quangos that used to oversee police activities who have simply switched jobs so the effect has mostly been, to quote a phrase, 'nothing to see here, move along!'

 

Philo sums it up:  And you can almost feel the anguish behind his words.  He anticipates a blog-post from me next week in which I will propose that this is the most morally corrupt American administration since Richard Nixon.  The highest law officer in the Republic, Eric Holder, should be hauled before the courts for gross misconduct in office.  Truly, God help America!

 

"What a piece of work is man":   And woman, too, he added hastily.  Earlier this week we saw the worst of men, as one man with cold deliberation sliced off the head of another man who had done him no harm.  Then tonight I have just watched a programme showing a lady in Australia and an American lady in Costa Rica both of whom are devoting their lives to rescuing orphaned wild animals, sloths, wallabies, koalas, and so forth, and nurturing them back to health and, more important, back into their natural habitat.  What can one say?  Nothing useful, alas, except, well, "What a piece of work is man"!

 

No more rumbles today

 

I'm off for the day and, yes, I know it keeps happening

Life really is just one great round of pleasure these days.  I suppose it's something to do with the remarkable Summer we're enjoying 'over here'.  However, today should be rather special because we are celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary of a couple who are very old and dear friends.  So, we are hosting them on a trip to Bath and lunch at The Priory, than which, my dears, one simply cannot get any posher!  Then it's off to The Theatre Royal for a performance of Hay Fever by Noel Coward.  Needless to say, the cast in general, and the actor playing the role of David Bliss in particular, have much to live up up to because, ahem, I once played the part, a performance which is still spoken of in hushed whispers, er, very hushed because I've never actually heard them!  Anyway, in this production the delightful and delicious Felicity Kendall  is playing the monstrous Judith Bliss so it should be fun.  I never cared much for Coward's work until I took part in Hay Fever.  Then my eyes were opened!  Beneath all that silly, upper-class chatter there was deadly acid - funny but acid!

See you all later . . .

 

 

'Mr. Cotton goes to Washington?' Maybe . . .

This might be a time for Hollywood to remake one of their great hits from the past, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, a Capra film starring James Stewart and Jean Arthur.  Not likely though because the current version being played in real life features a Right-wing Republican as the hero which would have the average Hollywood exec spluttering in his dry martini.  The action is taking place, even as I write, in Arkansas where the scion of a deeply embedded Democrat family is running for a third term in the Senate.  Mark Pryor's 'dear ol' daddy' ran the show for years as Governor and Senator.  Now it is his turn to consolidate the 'family holdings', as it were.  Shouldn't be a problem, he has already served two terms in the Senate winning handsomely both times.  But now, godammit, the US Airborne just dropped in!

Enter stage 'Right', Mr. Tom Cotton and according to PJ Media:

Cotton, 37, may well be the right candidate in the right place at the right time. Arkansas, once a bedrock state of the solid Democratic South, has been moving steadily to the right. Republicans held just six of 135 state legislative seats in 1978, the year David Pryor first won the Senate. Only one Republican had garnered more than 40 percent in a U.S. Senate race since the early 20^th century.

The state remained heavily blue in 2002, when Mark Pryor won his first term against Republican Tim Hutchinson. He ran unopposed in 2008.

Things changed in the Natural State during the watershed election of 2010, when incumbent Sen. Blanche Lincoln lost her re-election bid by more than 20 points. Two years later, Republicans captured the state General Assembly.

Mr. Cotton seems to tick all the right (and Right) buttons:

However, a Hollywood casting director could not have found a more compelling opponent than Cotton, a sixth-generation Arkansan who was born and raised on his family’s cattle farm in Yell County. He graduated from Harvard (where he had a class taught by future Sen. Elizabeth Warren - [obviously her nonsense failed to stick!]) and Harvard Law School.

The attacks of September 11, 2001, occurred during his final year of law school, and he left law after clerking for the U.S. Court of Appeals and a short time in a private law practice to join the U.S. Army. He declined a commission as a military attorney to serve as an infantry officer.

Cotton served nearly five years as an active duty officer and completed combat tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan. In Iraq, he served with the 101st Airborne where he led an infantry platoon in daily combat patrols. While in Afghanistan, he served as the operations officer for a Provincial Reconstruction Team. Between his two combat tours he served as a platoon leader with the Old Guard at Arlington National Cemetery, the unit responsible for military honors funerals.

His military decorations include the Bronze Star Medal, Combat Infantry Badge and Ranger Tab. After leaving active duty Cotton worked as a management consultant for McKinsey & Co. before winning election to the U.S. Congress from the Fourth District in 2012.

Alas, poor Mr. Pryor suffers with a virtue which often proves deadly in politics - loyalty!  His voting record places him as one of the most loyal Senatorial supporters of President Obama and, I gather, in today's Arkansas that is the equivalent of suffering with severe and pungent body odour!

Anyway, it's a very human story and I will follow the outcome with interest.  According to the experts, the chances of the Republicans recapturing the Senate have increased recently.  Watch this space!

 

What goes around, comes around!

God bless 'the cousins', they always have a phrase for all occasions!  And the horrible 'occasion' we have just been forced to witness made that particular saying rather apt when I read this passage detailing events of over a hundred years ago:

"What added to the fear was that terrorists were so sweeping in their condemnation of society that there seemed no way to reach them.  Often, when they were caught, they refused to give reasons.  McKinley's assassin would say only 'I done my duty'.  Or their choice of target was frighteningly random.  'I am an anarchist by conviction,' said Luigi Lucheni, the unemployed Italian workman who killed Elizabeth of Austria.  'I came to Geneva to kill a sovereign, with the object of giving an example to those who suffer and those who do nothing to improve their social position; it did not matter to me who the sovereign was whom I should kill'.  The anarchist who finished his meal in a Paris cafe and then calmly murdered a fellow diner said merely, 'I shall not be striking an innocent if I strike the first bourgeois that I meet'.  Terrorism, again like Al Qaeda, lost much of its support before the [First] war even in sympathetic left-wing and revolutionary circles as a result of increasing disgust with its methods.  The fear, though, that European society was under attack, did not go away easily." (*)

So, to quote yet another old Americanism, today we have more of 'the same old, same old'.  It is important, I think, that our leaders think!  Yes, let us deploy such weaponry as we have which allows us to zap them without providing them with opportunities to zap us back.  However, we should not believe that somehow we face an enemy who can be defeated in the field.  Young Muslim men, and some women, too, are angry and disgusted by western mores which they find repellent.  Their fury is inflamed by the all too obvious fact that the west appears to be succeeding beyond anything they could dream of for their own societies.  Some - most, actually - will simply accept the fact and attempt to jump on the western bandwagon whilst trying to maintain, as best they can, the tenets of their religion and their tradition.  But some will not.  They will fight to the end and will have to be destroyed.  It will be a campaign that may last well into the next century. 

However, in the meantime, and taking a more concentrated look at the 'here and now' factors, our leaders do need to assess their strategic relationships with the likes of Saudi Arabia, Qatar and some of the other Gulf and Mid East states whose coffers are 'the gifts that keep on giving' as far as the likes of ISIS and AQ are concerned!  Potentially, our reliance on Gulf oil is reducing and could be reduced much further and much faster.  For example, it came as a surprise to me that Venezuela has oil reserves far greater than those of Saudi Arabia!  Perhaps 'the cousins' should take a long, hard look at their neighbour and figure out how to replace the current regime with one that is more, shall we say, amenable.  The current administration, of course, wouldn't have a clue but perhaps they could dig out some of the old, retired CIA hands who, back in the day, could topple governments with one hand tied behind their backs!

Anyway, time for some longterm strategic thinking - me thinks!

(*)  "The War That Ended Peace" by Margaret MacMillan

 

 

ADDITIONAL:   He doesn't know it yet but my Special Correspondent for Arkansas Affairs, known to us all as 'JK', has been fired!  He was supposed to keep me right up to date on the Pryor/Cotton fight for the Arkansas Senatorial seat but what do I get - nuttin'!  Instead I have to get all my intelligence from PJ Media - of which, more tomorrow.

However, I have decided to give 'JK' one more chance to prove to me that he is not wasting his time up in 'them thar hills' with Barney Magroo and his  illegal still!  This time I have appointed him as my Middle East Correspondent on the basis of a superb essay on the subject of ISIS and the realities of how we face their challenge which he found and forwarded to me.  This is the sort of clear thinking required in the perpetual fog of the White House.  Read it - NOW!   Thanks, JK.

 

 

“What difference, at this point, does it make?”

I quote the memorable words of that less than memorable lady, Hillary Clinton, because they (sort of) seem appropriate to the current 'shock-horror story' (and I absolutely do not intend any irony in that phrase) concerning the execution in Syria of James Foley by, apparently, a London-based Islamic fighter called 'John'.  Before going any further let me pay tribute to Mr. Foley who was, judging by his calm demeanour in the photograph taken prior to his execution, an exceedingly brave man.  I would pray for an ounce of his courage were I ever to face imminent death.

Once again I find myself shaking my head in sorrow at yet another example of man's inhumanity to man which is, of course, as old as Mankind.  Certain commentators will heap curses on the head of the executioner and his fellow jihadists and, to be fair, if I had the chance I would shoot 'John' out of hand . . . and yet . . . and yet . . . what, exactly and precisely, is the difference between 'John' and, say, 'Lt. Wotsisname' of the USAF sitting in a bunker in Texas guiding a drone missile into a car in a street in Iraq on the assumption that it contains some 'baddies' but irrespective if the collateral damage on the street takes out a few women and children?

Well, one difference is obvious.  'John' has to possess, God help him, an unthinking and all-possessing hatred to help him overcome even the minimal human feelings he possesses because chopping someone's head off is about as up close and personal as you can get in the 'killing game'.  On the other hand, all that 'Lt. Wotsisname' has to do is press a button and then supress his imagination.  The point I am meandering towards is this: given that it is war, is there any real moral difference between the two acts?

(I have to go out this morning so I will leave the question with you.  Hopefully I will have enough spare time to think on it myself and see if I can grope my way to a conclusion.  See you later!)

The answer to the question I left you this morning is 'no' but somehow we all tend to think that it should be 'yes'.  Alas, the result is the same in both cases - dead bodies.  There is an all-too-human tendency to feel that because ours is a 'righteous' cause taken up by democratic governments that makes our killing more excusable than theirs.  But of course, they believe the exactly the same thing, that they are acting in God's name in an equally 'righteous' cause and that we are the agents of the devil.  It's worth noting that in both cases the operational imperative is the same - terrorism!  Both sides wish to terrorise their opponents, we by obliterating them suddenly without warning from a blue sky, they by cutting our heads off publicly.  The use of terror has a 'distinguished' pedigree.  Karl von Clausewitz suggested that wars should be fought with maximum ferocity in order bring a war to an end as rapidly as possible.  The collateral damage might be enormous but if the war ends after one year rather than dragging on for a decade then that is to be preferred.

Of course, it is often said that it takes two to make war but that is not quite true.  It might be if one side is so weak and feeble that it merely surrenders but usually an opponent will make it clear that he intends to defend and thus it is up to the challenger to fire the first shot.  There-after, there is only one aim - to win - and yes, to win at all costs.  It is that brutal fact that makes war the hell it is.

 

"War, war, war! All you gen'emen talk of is war!"

Thus spake the incomparable Scarlett O'Hara, played by the truly beautiful Vivien Leigh, as her very first words in the film of Gone With the Wind.  Well, today the talk is also of "War, war, war".  Mostly, of course, it is concerned with the current kerfuffles in the Middle East but I was intrigued by what I will call the 'non-war' (so far!) over the Ukraine.

I just wondered - and this is a theoretical rambling not a certitude - whether the new 'weapon of choice' for major powers engaged in a dispute is economics?  After all, atomic weaponry is simply not practical if it results in your own total destruction.  So-called 'limited' military action between the great powers carries the risks of ultimate escalation and suddenly it's - 'Wham Bam, thanks, Ma'am'!

But economic warfare is, by comparison, infinitely more gradual and certainly far removed from loony generals pressing buttons.  However, the end results can be catastrophic.  One of the unsung contributions to victory in 1918 was the British naval blockade which exerted a strangulating pressure on the German economy forcing them into unrestricted submarine warfare whose only result was to bring into the front line a million or so fresh-faced, well-fed Americans to face a German army on quarter rations!

The result of the recent bout of tit-for-tat economic sanctions between Russia and the West is worth watching carefully.  Like all warfare, the cost/benefit analysis is a fine one and in fact only experience will confirm who is better placed to survive through an economic war although my money is on capitalist countries with relatively free markets.  We can diversify - can Russia?

For a more expert opinion particularly in regard to Sino-American realations, try this:

http://nationalinterest.org/blog/the-buzz/what-china-america-are-wondering-major-war-obsolete-11102

 

Oi! Vlad, what about me?

I am deeply disappointed in 'Vlad the Impaler', in fact more than that, I am insulted!  According to Bloomberg News, Russian authorities are insisting that all popular bloggers must be registered.  Well, that's fair enough if your country is led by a creepy, bisexual thug with deep insecurities who privately dissolves into tears at even a glimpse of criticism, but what I want to know is where is my demand for registration?  I mean, let's be honest, there can be few blogs more popular than this one which is understandable given its erudite content and elegant prose to say nothing of its originality of thought and ... (that's enough puffery - Ed!)  Also, of course, I do have readers in Russia, er, only two, I admit, and one of them is English, still from little acorns and all that sort of thing.  Also my daily readership is equal to the minimum requirements of the Russian authorities who are "requiring those with at least 3,000 daily readers to register" . . . ooops! . . . sorry! . . . slight error . . . I thought it said 300 not 3,000, and 300 a day is my average.  Not my fault, of course, it's you bloody readers not clicking on enough, honestly, you just can't rely on some people!

Mind you, that little snippet of news serves as a useful reminder.  We, well, me, mostly, spend an inordinate amount of time moaning and groaning about our wretched politicians and the dire state our country has fallen into and yet . . . and yet . . . I simply cannot imagine living in a totalitarian dump like Russia or any of the other autocracies that constitute the majority of other countries.  The thought of having to obey the orders of a jumped-up little ex-KGB apparat with delusions of grandeur makes me feel ill.  I am not much given to flag waving but I will say this - thank God for England, and English common law and English liberty and genuinely free elections every five years.

 

In which I waffle chaotically

I will try not to guess your numerous responses to the title of this post which, knowing you lot, will indubitably be rude, so, moving on, let me tell you that I am experiencing one of those 'chaos' periods.  I don't mean that the roof is falling in or that the 'Memsahib' is refusing to cook my dinners just because she's in pain with her wonky hip or that 'Dave' has invited me to join his 'think tank' (who sniggered?); no, I mean it in the scientific chaos theory sense as dreamt up by those swots like Lorenz and Mandelbrot who had nothing better to do than sit around and wonder why the world is so messy and untidy - heh! - they should have had a look up here in my garret - now that's MESSY!  My favourite analogy for chaos theory as explained by the swots is the Stock Market.  It ticks along for year after year, a few ups, a few downs, and then suddenly all hell breaks loose!  Or the weather is another good example because that recycles itself fairly predictably year after year from Spring, through Summer and Autumn into Winter and back to Spring with the usual variations - too hot, too cold, too warm - when suddenly, out of nowhere, we get a truly horrific season which no-one seems able to explain except through the obscure mathematics of swots like Lorenz.

Anyway, much the same seems to be happening to me recently.  Normally my life plods along fairly smoothly, by which I mean, with minimum inteference to me - that's me as in me, me, me! - when suddenly all sort of distractions and interferences occur (none of them serious I'm glad to say) and no sooner have I dealt with one damn thing than another damn thing crops up.  I can't wait for life to return to its normal smooth placidity (is 'placidity' a word?) so that I can concentrate on the really serious things in life - like blogging!  Oh, I am being summoned, must go, bloody chaos theory, back later!

Telling it the way it was

Back in 1900, Count Leopold von Berchtold, an Austrian diplomat who later became their Foreign Minister, met Count Vladimir Lamsdorf, then the Russian Foreign Minister.  Berchtold wrote this summary of his opinion of Lamsdorf:

Except for a short moustache, he was clean shaven and bare-headed, sat ramrod straight.  He tried to impress at every opportunity, too polite, not unintelligent and also not without education, a wandering archive.  Un rat du chancellerie.  Through constant sniffing in dusty files he became a yellowed parchment himself.  I could not help but get the impression of having an abnormality before me, an aged but inchoate nature, in whose circulation system ran watery jelly instead of red blood.

I can't help wondering what 'Vlad the Impaler' has to say about Mr. John Kerry, currently playing the part of American Secretary of State?  'I don't know but I think we should be told!'

Quote from The War That Ended Peace by Margaret MacMillan.

 

Your Monday Funnies: 18.8.14

I'm busy this morning taking the bionic woman Memsahib to the hospital to see about fitting her with a second new hip.  I should be back this afternoon.  In the meantime, to kick start your week, I begin with some ill-remembered rhymes from childhood!

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
********************

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!
********************

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
********************

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad...
She got a fur coat, jewels and a sports car.
******************************************************

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day
to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Russ didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and figured maybe
he had a cold or something..

But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred
didn't know

Where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,
Fred approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ!

Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.

Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'

Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her?

'Well,  the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed
rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got
into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "on heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.
 
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. 
 
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,  "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.  I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

 "Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Just worked on me," he replied.

The Sunday burp: 17.8.14

Yes, alas, I can only produce a short, sharp burp or two today because I have an old friend staying and we are all off to a garden party celebration of the 50th wedding anniversary of some mutual friends.  However, before I depart for some long cool drinks and a splendid lunch I will leave you with this;

In which 'Dave' attempts a 'Churchill':   To be honest I have only read the headline in The Telegraph and heard the gist of his 'call to arms' (what arms?) from Sky News urging us to 'take arms against a sea of Arab troubles'.  The cases for and against are made very well in this week's Speccie.  Read, inwardly digest, and then make up your own mind:

http://www.spectator.co.uk/features/9287832/defeat-isis-yes-we-can/

http://www.spectator.co.uk/features/9287882/no-we-shouldnt/

The 'hear and see no evil' merchants in Gaza - except Israeli evil, of course!

I mentioned in an earlier post my suspicions concerning our so-called 'free press' and their collusion with the Hamas thugs sent to 'mind' them as they filmed in Gaza, now I have confirmation straight from the horse's arse, the Hamas Information Agency via The Times of Israel:

In an interview with Lebanon’s al-Mayadeen TV on Thursday, relayed and translated Friday by the Middle East Media Research Institute, the head of foreign relations in Hamas’s Information Ministry, Isra Al-Mudallal, complained that “the coverage by foreign journalists in the Gaza Strip was insignificant compared to their coverage within the Israeli occupation (Israel).”

“Moreover,” she said, “the journalists who entered Gaza were fixated on the notion of peace and on the Israeli narrative.” She asserted that the foreign press was focused “on filming the places from where missiles were launched. Thus, they were collaborating with the occupation.” (The Israeli army said last week that 600 of the 3,300 rockets fired into Israel over recent weeks were launched from residential areas, including schools, mosques and homes.)

Well, they might have tried to film where the missiles were launched but Hamas soon put a stop to it:

“These journalists were deported from the Gaza Strip,” al-Mudallal said. “The security agencies would go and have a chat with these people. They would give them some time to change their message, one way or another.

“We suffered from this problem very much,” she added. “Some of the journalists who entered the Gaza Strip were under security surveillance. Even under these difficult circumstances, we managed to reach them, and tell them that what they were doing was anything but professional journalism and that it was immoral.”

Eventually, well, last Monday to be exact, the Foreign Press Association lodged a fierce complaint concerning Hamas interference with their members in Gaza:

On Monday, the Foreign Press Association, an umbrella group representing foreign journalists working in Israel and the Palestinian Authority, issued a strongly worded condemnation of Hamas’s intimidation tactics and its interference with their reporting in Gaza.

“The FPA protests in the strongest terms the blatant, incessant, forceful and unorthodox methods employed by the Hamas authorities and their representatives against visiting international journalists in Gaza over the past month,” the statement said. “The international media are not advocacy organizations and cannot be prevented from reporting by means of threats or pressure, thereby denying their readers and viewers an objective picture from the ground.”

Better late than never, I suppose, but even so the representative of one leading newspaper protested against the FPA complaint.  You will not drop dead with shock, I'm sure, when I tell you that he works for the New York Times.

 Hat tip to Jonathan S. Tobin at COMMENTARY

 

What, exactly, is 'HillBilly' up to?

Incidentally, whilst referring mainly to Hillary Clinton, I link the first names of her and her spouse because I suspect that despite all the blood that has flowed under their particular bridge they still remain grappled together as a couple and their joint dynastic and political ambitions easily sweep aside multiple infidelities.  She has begun her run for the presidential election in 2016 but the first few months of it have been eccentric, not to say, bizarre.  She began by offering her enemies a club with which to beat her by uttering that unfortunate and chilling quote at the Benghazi massacre hearings:

“What difference, at this point, does it make?”

How many times will that feature in Republican TV ads?  Then she launched herself on a book tour to promote a tome allegedly written by her but which quickly ended up on the 'remainder' tables in almost every American bookshop.  The tour itself was a mini-disaster with several glops and glitches on her part which again have been seized on by her opponents.  Then, in the last few days she launched a vitriolic attack on Obama's foreign policy which was a bit rich seeing as she was his Secretary of State for four years!  So vicious was the attack that a hasty peace conference supper party had to be arranged between the Clintons and the Obamas at the rich man's playground, Martha's Vineyard, where America's wealthy radical socialists love to holiday!  It ended, if not with a foursome sex party, then with smiles and photos and multiple 'mwaa-mwaas' all round.  All about as convincing as a blancmange replica of the White House!

HillBilly's strident call for what R. Emmett Tyrrell calls in The American Spectator,  her new "neocon foreign policy" is something of a surprise to everyone:

Now just last weekend she has made the final leap. She is a neoconservative. She derided Obama’s, dare we call it, foreign policy doctrine, “Don’t do stupid s---”? Said she, “Great nations need organizing principles, and ‘don’t do stupid stuff’ is not an organizing principle.” How very neocon! She sneered at Obama’s “failure” to supply the Syrian rebels. She spoke in tough terms toward Iran and took up the cause of the Israelis against Hamas. All Obama could do is play a couple of rounds of golf, hit the beach, and head off for a fundraiser.

This has caused consternation inside the Democrat party which, like political parties everywhere, is actually a coalition of groups with very different outlooks.  What I might call the 'Really Left' are aghast at 'HillBilly's words.  Support from them to her has always been lacklustre but they have kept schtum on any direct criticism not least because of the failure of any true Leftie to run against her.  However, much more of that Obama-bashing could change things quite quickly.  Aaron Goldstein, also in The American Spectator, finishes his brief commentary with some dry humour:

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren is smiling.

She, of course, is otherwise known as 'Fauxcahontas' and is a true soppy socialist with the brains of a microbe!  She is the darling of the 'Really Left' but has spent the past six months telling the world that she has no plans to run - which is about as reliable as her claim to be a Commanche, or a Sioux, or whatever it is.  I reckon that if 'HillBilly' continues to upset the Lefties then 'Fauxcahontas' will run against her and thus satisfy my erotic longings for the political equivalent of women wrestling in mud!

Some Leftie blogs are wondering why 'HillBilly' is making all this trouble for herself and her party?  Why, they ask, doesn't she just sing from the usual hymn sheet and keep everybody on the Left happy?  My, admittedly unique, theory is that 'HillBilly' detests the Democrat party.  They did little to stop Republican attacks on Bill when he produced that, er, stain on his character - and Monica's dress.  Then, when it was 'her turn' to run for the White House, the party ditched her for some totally unknown 'community organiser' who, it now transpires, is incapable of organising a piss-up in a brewery!  One always gains the distinct impression with 'HillBilly' that no slight is ever forgotten and a constant seach to wreak revenge is very high on her list of priorities.

Roll up, roll up, the women's mud-wrestling competition is about to begin!

 

Timing, as in sex and drumming, . . .

. . . is everything!  And, yes, I do know that I have a habit of repeating certain of my more favourite sayings but that is a habit commensurate with old age - and, boy, do I feel old these days! Timing is also critical in general elections and I do hope our somewhat less than able prime minister, to say nothing of the Old Etonian goofballs with whom he surrounds himself, are considering how he must play the next few months leading up to the election next May.  At the top of his agenda there should be one word - Europe!  Apart from dropping a few goodies to sundry refugees he should forget about the Middle East.  We have neither the money, the military muscle or, frankly, the interest in getting involved.  Yes, we the electorate might cheer our gallant lads (and lasses!) on their way to fight the good fight, assuming anyone can differentiate between the good, the bad and the downright ugly in the Middle East, but on the return of so much as a single body bag we will take our vengeance on a prime minister who committed them to such a folly.

All of Dave's main policy lines, for good, or often bad, have been established over the past four years so there's not much to be done about them except to start - now! -blaming the Lib-Dems for such faults as are apparent.  Of course, in reality we know that Dave, at heart, is as much of a Lib-Dem as Clegg and he will hate doing it but he really must in order to try and win back the disaffected Tory vote that UKIP and their ever more popular leader, Nigel Farage, are just waiting to cream off him.

It is an irony of epic deliciousness for UKIP that their hated euro bloc of nations could be the cause of disaster for Dave and the Tories and result in a big win for them.  As I pointed out in my previous post, Italy really is on the euro rack and their relatively new and young prime minister must know that their only escape is to ditch the euro and return to the lira.  Even a hint of that will send shudders round Brussels and Berlin.  That, however, is their problem; ours, or to be precise, Dave's, is that Europe languishes in a morass of failing economies which quarter by quarter sucks them further down the path of deflation and stagnation.  Our economy is strongly tied to Europe, we sell somewhere around 35% of our exports to them.  When they cough, we catch a cold; when they get a temperature, we get ebola disease!

So, apart from the very many other reasons to distance ourselves from Europe, commerce ranks high.  I know it has been predicted 'many a time and oft' but sooner or later the euro bloc really is going to disintegrate and then the 'boom' created by Dave 'n' George will evaporate almost overnight.  If that happens before the next election, guess who will be blamed!  Thus, Dave would be well advised to take a strong, if you like 'firm and friendly', line against the current situation in Europe and make it crystal clear that if our demands for a very much looser connection are not met - then we walk!  It is essential that two very distinct groups of people are in absolutely no doubt that he means what he says about walking away, they are, the Eurocrats and the British electorate.  If the former believe it then they will cut a deal but if they don't then they will haggle it out for ever.  If the latter believe it, they will eschew UKIP, who they know are incapable of forming a government, and return to the Tory fold.  If he fails to convince us then UKIP will suck the the froth off the Tory vote and that will leave the door open for a Labour or Lib-Lab government. 

If that happens the only good news for Dave is that he will suddenly look quite good as a prime minister when compare to Ed Miliband - but that will be of scant comfort to us as we follow the French down the socialist toilet!

 

Perhaps, just perhaps, I might be proved right about something

Regular readers will know that for some time I have predicted that Italy will be the the first to ditch the euro and thus begin the painful revolution in European affairs which is long overdue. For a brief moment I thought perhaps the French might lead the way and that perhaps under 'Comrade' Hollande they might break free from the S&M bonds and manacles that tie to them to 'Frau Whiplash' in Berlin but, alas, not according to A E-P in The Telegraph.  According to him, Hollande's disasterous Left turn has blown away what political capial ever had and now he trots along, French poodle-like, behind 'Frau Whiplash' obeying every tug on his lead.  The hoped for revolt of the Meds against the Nords has vanished but with one possible exception - Italy.

Snr. Renzi, the Italian premier, is very much the 'new kid on the block'.  As A E-P reminds us, he was only 17 years old when the Maastricht Treaty was signed so he has, so to speak, 'no shit on his shoes'!  He has none of the fervent, romantic haze that blinds the eyes of the true Euro-fanatics.  His nation is fast approaching a financial and economic cliff - read A E-P for the details.  The mad men of Brussels, to say nothing of 'Frau Whiplah' in Berlin, simply repeat the mantra of more and yet more austerity.  The only chance for Italy is to break away and return to the lira.  That would allow their northern industries, which always used to compete vigorously with Germany, to resume their profitable activities.  Renzi, a man not blighted by previous European dreams and visions, could take the decision, he only requires one thing - courage!

Viva l'Italia!

 

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The explanation for Prof. Michael Mann's peculiar walk

Well, be honest, how would you walk if someone was slowly but steadily inserting a 'hockey stick' up your fundament?  Poor Prof. Mann is finding out the hard way because he has committed the great error of attempting to sue various publications including National Review.  But that error has been compounded doubly - nay, triply - by including the free-lance writer Mark Steyn.  As the Canadian authorities found out the hard way, Mr. Steyn is like the guy dressed in black leaning against the bar in a crowded western saloon - and someone spills his drink!  The silence is sudden and shocking and all breath is bated! Actually, the saloon empties rather fast but the spectators gather round the windows to watch.

In Canada it was some Islamic group that took exception to Mr. Steyn's, shall we say, lively style but he took them through the court system to the very top - and won outright!  Now Prof. Mann, the, er, inventor of the infamous 'hockey stick' which seeks to show that global temperatures ran smoothly though the millennium until the 20th century when it suddenly ticked up leaving the graph looking like a hockey stick lying on its back.  The 'Warmers' went crazy for it, I mean, it just looked so, so, right - and so simple that even the unscientific dimwits who make up, er, you and me, would be convinced that global warming was real and caused by the industrial effluent of 20th century factories.

Prof. Mann bestrode the warming globe like a colossus - up until the moment Mr. Steyn pointed out that not only was Prof. Mann not wearing any trousers, he had also forgotten to put on the red nose he deserved!  Even worse, according to Mr. Steyn, not only was the 'hockey stick' an invention but Prof. Mann was guilty of lying through his teeth whilst claiming, amongst other things, that he was a Nobel Prize laureate.  Cue: incoming writs from Prof. Mann aimed at the various publications concerned but also directly at Mr. Steyn.  Big Mistake!

Steyn has not only stood his ground, he has actually counter-sued Prof. Mann whom he accuses of abusing the legal system in order to drag the case out for so long that Steyn, who has to act on his own behalf, will give up.  Ain't gonna happen - go read the redoubtable Mr. Steyn and you will get the flavour of it all.  What a terrific film it will all make - except that Hollywood, being full of tree-hugging twats, will never go against a Leftie-Greenie agenda.  Incidentally, the only famous supporter Prof. Mann has attracted is, wait for it, Prof. Paul Krugman writing in one of his WaPo columns.  Alas, his commentary on the Mann case indicates that he knows no more about it than he knows about economics - for which he did actually win a Nobel Prize - I suspect the Scandinavian schnapps was cheap and therefore plentiful the year they voted for him!

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Another away day today

Today the Memsahib is taking me on a grand tour of the area where we used to live in the course of which we will be dropping in on old friends, so no posts today.  Mind you, if you're really at a loose end there are several hundred old ones down there somewhere so feel free to root around! Like JK, you will be able to catch me out contradicting myself!

"Any man's death diminishes me", er, no, not really!

That is the sort of sentiment that poets go in for and we all nod sagely and agree - until we actually think about it.  The human ego, or perhaps, the human will to live, is enormous and we survice even the death of loved ones.  The death of strangers, frankly, barely touches us.  Well, it certainly doesn't touch me, let alone diminish me, when it is the death by suicide of yet another talented, mega-rich, Hollywood star with a wife and family and therefore much to live for.  I do not suggest that psychotic depression does not exist and that its malignant features do not inflict grievous wounds on human personality.  However, what I do think when I hear that the likes of Robin Williams, after a lifetime, apparently, of booze and drug abuse has topped himself, is of those people I know personally who suffer similarly but who have the guts and determination to fight back, to keep going, to stay the course, if not for their own sake then for the sake of the people who love them.

Their life amplifies mine.

Something must NOT be done!

Unbelievable!  Mad Mullahs go on a murderous rampage in the Middle East, as is their wont, and immediately a chorus arises here in the UK crying for the recall of parliament, actions to be taken, stances to be struck, troops to be deployed, British influence (do stop sniggering, this is serious!) to be exerted, and worst of all, 'Dim Dave, 'the Milipede' and 'the Kleggeron' to be summoned back from their continental holidays to, er, take a lead . . .  yeeeeeeees, quite!

Do the people who regurgitate this sort of thing for the MSM have the slightest notion of the fact that the British situation has changed somewhat?  To paraphrase that old wartime saying by the legendary German NCO as he leads away our brave, decent but downed airman to Stalagluft III, "For you, zee var is over!"  Dave 'n' George came into government just in time to inherit a train-crash economy and they realised, to quote a phrase from 'that woman' - TINA - There Is No Alternative.  Government spending had to be cut or the international Shylocks would have British balls for breakfast.  Like the cowardly poltroons they are, they chose the softest layers of flesh to exact their pound of flesh - the defence budgets of all three armed services.  I would not complain about that because real military strength is a reflection of real economic strength.  However, along with the easy cuts they should have swung an axe on the difficult ones like the NHS, Benefits, Education and so forth, instead of the equivalent of using cuticle scissors.  Dave's so-called 'bonfire of the Quangos' was, to say the least, a very damp squib!

Anyway, the end result is there for all to inspect and I do wish that those who urge the government to 'take action' would themselves take the opportunity to inspect our finances.  The government is still spending more each and every year than they collect and the national books are only made up by more and yet more borrowing!  In the meantime our armed services resemble that old music hall act, 'The Incredible Shrinking Man'.  Yes, if it makes some people feel better about themselves, we can just about toss a few pallets of food, water and medical supplies to beleaguered Arabs and hope it lands in the right spot and falls into the hands of the right people but beyond that we are capable of nothing else worthwhile.

So please, Dave, just stay where you are, enjoy your moules marinieres and don't worry, we'll manage quite well without you!

 

Your "Not the Monday Funnies": 12.8.14

Yes, you can breathe again and uncross your fingers for, lo, I am returned!  I hope you managed to get through Monday at the coal face without my 'Funnies' but just to keep you going here are some to keep you going for the rest of the wek:

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.  So, I went to a shrink and told him “I've got a problem; every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy.” 

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink.  “Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.” 

“How much do you charge?” 

“Eighty pounds per visit,” replied the doctor. 

“I'll sleep on it,” I said. 

Six months later, the doctor met me on the street.  “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked. 

“Well, eighty pounds a visit three times a week for a year is £12,480.00.A bartender cured me for £10.00.  I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car” 

“Is that so,” he said with a bit of an attitude, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?” 

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.  Ain't nobody under there now.”

Always get your second opinions from a bartender!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Kiwi sheep farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the sheep, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our flock today. I drove a nail into the rail above the ewe's stall in the barn. You show him where the ewe is when he gets here, OK?'

So then the farmer leaves for the fields.

After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of ewes and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks,

'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the ewe to be bred?'

'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'

She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder, ......

'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

And yet more unrepentent, disgraceful 'Blondism' - there oughta' be a law!

Two blondes were going to Disneyland .  They were driving on the Interstate
when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and
turned around and went home.

.......................................................................................

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or
the moon?'  The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida ?????'

.......................................................................................

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.  After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?' 

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

.........................................................................................

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license. 

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

............................................................................................

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.' 

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and  screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. 

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

As an ex-corporal myself I couldn't resist this one:

Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to Lance
Coprporals.  Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in."

"But we’re only privates," protests Paddy.

"We’re Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."

"But we're privates," says Paddy.

"You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe, "We're Lance Corporals now!"

So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lass’s comes up to Mick.

"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."

Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what Gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.

Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of
gonorrhoea.

Mick says to Paddy, "Why the hell did you give me the thumbs up?"

"Well Mick, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates
and we're Lance Corporals now! "

Yes, I know, that's the sort of joke that leaves you feeling worse not better but I don't make them up, I just pass them on - a bit like gonorrhoea, I suppose!

 

Brace yourselves for a 'Shlock-Horror!

Alas, I am forced to re-quote poor, old Harold MacMillan - again, for about the fortieth time - but it really is a case of "Events, dear boy, events", in fact, a whole collection of them coming in at me from all directions for the next two days.  So, I'm afraid you will have to cope with no 'Sunday Rumble' tomorrow but, even worse, no 'Monday Funnies', either.  However, hang on in there because here at D&N we are always prepared to be flexible so you can expect some "Not the Monday Funnies" on Tuesday!

An atrocious benevolence?

I'm afraid it's another of those creepy co-incidence things - again!  Just a few days back, the navigator on the Enola Gay aircraft which delivered the A-bomb to Hiroshima died at the ripe old age of 93.  Today, of course, is the anniversary of the Nagasaki A-bomb which followed the one on Hiroshima three days earlier.  That war ended but the war between the historians - and their less qualified acolytes (that includes me!) - continues today with a vengeance.  I'm sorry to say that it includes a man I much admire, Don Boudreaux, 'proprietor' of the Cafe Hayek, who, just a few days ago, took an uncompromising - one might say 'passionate' - stand against the decision of Harry Truman to use these weapons of mass destruction.  Alas, he is wrong and the reason he is wrong is that the people he uses for sources of support are mostly American academics most of whom concentrate their efforts on who said what to whom, and who decided this or that - in Washington!  They seem to forget, or to ignore, that the absolutely key events to this drama took place in Japan - NOT America!

For as accurate a view of exactly what happened in Japan it is necessary to rely on a Japanese-born and Japanese-speaking historian capable of reading and carefully analysing what remained of the Japanese government's archives after great efforts had been made to destroy as much of them as possible before the American 'conquerors' arrrived.  Only from these remains and from individual diaries and testaments written by the main Japanese actors of the time can a reasonable judgment be made as to the comparative effect the A-bombs and the Rusian declaration of war made on the Japanese government.  And for that you need look no further than the work of Sadao Asada and his meticulous summary of evidence here:

http://www.mconway.net/page1/page15/files/Shock%20of%20Atomic%20Bomb.pdf

That piece of scholorship is well worth reading but if you wish to see him responding to criticism from another Japanese - but naturalised American! - author you can read both sides of the argument and judge for yourselves, here:

http://hnn.us/article/28318

In essence, Sadao tells us that there was indeed a 'peace party' inside the ruling cabal in Tokyo, in fact, the emperor himself was an early starter, coming to the conclusion that the war must end with some sort of peace deal as early as 1943.  However, he lacked the willpower to drive it through.  As time went on and Japanese losses rose, the 'peace party' grew inside the top levels of government but always they were stymied by the military, navy as well as army, leaders in the top level war cabinet.  Because of the peculiarities of the Japanese system there had to be unanimity before major decisions could be taken.

When the Hiroshima bomb fell the first re-action of the army was to deny that it was an atomic bomb!  Their own scientific experts had assured them that no country could produce such a weapon during a war and so when the realisation sank in it was an incredible shock.  Of course, when the Russians declared war and immediately invaded Manchuria that, too, was a shock but given that the Russian had been shifting hundreds of thousands of men and munitions to the east immediately Germany surrendered in May it was not a totally unexpected shock.  However, many post-war historians, especially those of, shall we say, a Left-wing bias, eager to puff up the importance of the Soviet effort, attempted to suggest that it was the Russian move that brought about the Japanese surrender.

The Japanese were shocked by the first bomb which they had never expected but the second one was an absolute clincher.  They simply didn't know how many bombs the Americans had and were now forced to assume the worst, that is, that the Americans could take their time and just nuke their way across the Japanese islands turning them into a wasteland.  However, and this is a bitter irony, it wasn't just the destructive power of the A-bombs that forced the military chiefs to concede defeat but - the fact that America had obviously won the scientific war!  Now, the mad, purblind generals and admirals had an excuse to surrender without losing face - so critical to oriental peoples.  Yes, they could say, we were defeated in the laboratories but not entirely on the battlefield!

To sum up, any suggestion that the Soviet invasion of Manchuria alone caused the Japanese to surrender is tosh!  Yes, it added to the general feeling of malaise that Japan was losing the war but it was the two American bombs that truly clinched the inescapable truth of what was to come, and by offering a scientific fig leaf to the Japanese military brought the war to an abrupt halt and avoided an American invasion of Japan in which, I venture to suggest, many, many more would have died than were killed at Hirsohima and Nagasaki.

 

 

Right, pay attention, here's my analysis of what's going on in the Middle East

Er . . . well . . . you see . . . it's all a bit complicated but . . . oh sod it, I haven't a clue!  And nor has anyone else as far as I can see from the contradictory articles by sundry so-called experts.  So, if you ask me what we should do about the Middle East I would suggest that the first thing is to undertake a long and detailed study of the situation before we do anything at all.  Such is the state of our collective ignorance that this study will take years but, hey, that's alright because given our economy and our non-existent armed forces it will be years before we can do anything very much except hold Obama's handbag whilst he takes ineffectual slaps at what today he thinks is his enemy but whose arse he was kissing only yesterday!

Even a brief scan of just some of the factors at work is enough to make your brain ache.  For example there is the Sunni/Shi'ite split, there is nuclear-armed and ambitious Iran, there is Russia trying to slither further south with the help of its Syrian puppet, there is some Egyptian general, and we know they don't always last very long, sitting on the Suez canal, there is Turkey under a budding Islamist dictator, there is all that dosh swilling around from various Gulf states, Libya is disintergrating and leading the way for a general break down of the North African littoral which, when it happens, will make today's immigrant problem in Europe look like a dribble, and in the middle of all this mess there is Israel, the only genuine democratic regime in the entire 'fester-pot' but who, we are told by 'the Great and the Good', is an evil pariah to be treated with contempt and subjected to severe western pressures.  Oh, I almost forgot, and then there is Gulf oil!

So, how're you doing?  Got it worked out now, have you?  Picked your side?  Decided what we are to do?  Found a few spare soldiers, have you, who aren't busy practicing for the next Trooping of  the Colour?  Borrowed a cross-channel ferry to ship them over to, er, well, somewhere?  Aha!  You think you might have a promise of support from Barack HUSSEIN Obama (well, he used to emphasise it back when he was arse-kissing Arabs and telling them his father had been a Muslim - before he became a Marxist, that is) - well, good luck with that because I wouldn't trust him as far as I could piss into a gale!  And then, just when you have worked out your grand strategy for action in the Middle East, some mega-rich Sheik of Araby tells you he'll cut off your oil supply if you do it, so. . .  er . . .  well . . . you see . . . it's all a bit complicated  . . . and when you think about it . . .  well . . .  you're right back where you started! 

 

An Anglo-Australian memory

'Up over here' where memories of the blitz have not entirely faded it is difficult to remember that Australia, that far flung and, in the distant days of wartime, apparently safe haven, was also subject to  heavy aerial bombardment, particularly the city of Darwin.  I am reminded of it by the obituary in The Telegraph of Wing Commander Bob Foster RAF and in view of my Aussie readership I thought it was worth a mention.

W/Cdr Foster was a brave airman and an excellent fighter pilot who flew Hurricanes in the Battle of Britain.  Later, he was transferred to Australia and flew Spitfires in defence of Darwin against Japanese air raids.

As is well known, Australia volunteered huge numbers of men to defend Britain and its empire during WWII so it's good to hear that the 'mother country' returned the gesture by sending fighter pilots to defend the Australian mainland during their moment of high peril.

There is one slightly poignant event in W/Cdr Stone's life which is worth mentioning:

In 2004 he was reunited with the Hurricane he had flown during the Battle of Britain. The aircraft, R 4118, had been rescued as a wreck in India by the printer and publisher of academic journals Peter Vacher, who brought it back to Britain in 2002 and had it restored to full flying condition. The aircraft now flies regularly as the only surviving Battle of Britain Hurricane and is the subject of a book by Vacher, 'Hurricane R 4118'.

Stone, himself, dedicated an enormous amount of his time later in life helping to establish the monument and museum to the Battle of Britain situated at Capel-le-Ferne on the Kent coast.  I salute the memory of a gallant airman.

 

Oi!!!!! You lot 'over there', yes, you, listen up!

Look, dammit, I thought we had trained you during WWII just to send us food parcels.  Frankly, I never received one but I am led to believe that some did arrive.  Well, that was splendid and much appreciated - especially by the greedy bastards who laid their hands on one - but never shared it!  Anyway, you are, of course, the nation that never stops giving, and I don't wish you to think we're not grateful but when it comes to your old hurricanes we would be grateful if you didn't bother and just kept them to yourselves.  Today I learn that the remains of Hurrican Bertha is headed our way! Apparently my glorious global warming is coming to an abrupt and exceedingly wet end on Sunday when several zillion tons of American rain falls on Her Majesty's Right Royal Kingdom, in particular, the South West, which, of course, contains the beautiful county of 'Zummerzet', a county in which, need I say, only the very best people reside.  So thanks, but no thanks, is what I am trying to say!

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I want half of Prof. Dershowitz's brain, well, 1% would do

Yes, indeed, just one percent of the good Prof's brain would improve mine enormously.  I have had reason to quote him before but for the life of me I can't quite remember why.  However, I just know it would have been with approval because the man has the ability to cut through the crap and point his mental scalpel at the heart of any affair.

Take Gaza for example.  Do you, like me, have the notion that the Gaza strip is one great built-up area?  If so, Big Fail!  Just because Hamas conducts its military operations against Israel from inside cities which causes enormous civilian losses when Israel is forced to retaliate don't think there aren't plenty of open spaces which they could use, as these maps indicate:

 

 

Anyway, Prof. Dershowitz poses three questions, as follows:

“Why don’t the media show the relatively open areas of the Gaza Strip?”

“Why doesn’t Hamas use sparsely populated areas from which to launch its rockets and build its tunnels?”

“Why does the United Nations try to shelter Palestinian civilians right in the middle of the areas from which Hamas is firing?”

The answers, of course, are so simple that even a nitwit like me can provide them.  First, because the media are lazy and corrupt in the sense of not wishing under any circumstances to lose their slots inside Gaza in order to show us all 24-hour Shlock-Horror footage.  Second, because that would mean that the casualty rates for Hamas fighters would rise and that of civilians fall, the exact opposite of what their fighting manual specifies!  And third, because the UN is sympathetic to Hamas and hostile to Israel, and if a few kiddie-winkies get blown to shreds, well, the Jews will get the blame not them!

His conclusion is spot on: International law must be enforced against Hamas for using civilian targets as cover for their own attacks against Israeli civilian targets. If that were done, Israel would have no need to defend itself as the attacks would stop.

The chances of any of that happening are roughly equal to finding a pork chop in a synagogue!

Boris: larger than life but difficult to see!

One is always grateful for the Boris's of the political world when they appear on stage, not least because they break the usual eye-stabbing tedium of it all.  For the benefit of my foreign readers, the particular Boris I have in mind is Boris Johnson, currently Mayor of London, and shortly to re-enter Westminster as an MP taking with him, I guess, his briefcase (if he can remember where he left it) and a dagger with which to stab 'Dim Dave' firmly between the shoulder blades.  Of course, as this mini-montage of photos indicate, Boris is an absolute bona fide eccentric, so the dagger might well turn out to be made of rubber - you never know with Boris!

Of course, it's true to say that you can never tell anything about politicians not least because most of them have the charisma and eloquence of a speak-your-weight machine and possibly the brain power of one as well.  But there are occasional exceptions - one thinks of Winston Churchill - who have much to say and no hesitation in saying it.  The problem then is sorting out exactly what was said and what was meant.  And words (as any blog-owner will tell you!) are almost certain to come back and bite you in the arse!  Churchill, for example, had his faithful followers but also a huge gallery of enemies who never ceased to accuse him of failing to live up to his own words.  Thus it is with Boris.

He delights in playing the buffoon but you would need to be purblind not to sense the guile and intelligence that lies behind it.  Also, the sheer, naked ambition!  Nearly all MPs want to be prime minister but most recognise that their chances are vanishingly tiny.  But some some never do and spend their waking days and sleepless nights driving towards it.  Boris is such a one.  Whether he makes it or not I do not know.  Whether he will be any good if he gets the job I also do not know.  In the meantime, let's all just sit back and watch and enjoy one of the greatest Falstaff's of our age!

 

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Another of 'Dim Dave's chicklets proves to be useless

Baroness Warsi, who is what you might call a 'stat muslim' in the same sense that there used to be 'stat blacks' appointed by companies to 'prove' that there was absolutely no colour prejudice in their organsisations, oh dear me, no!  Well, Warsi performed that function for Dave who was, and still is, eager to demonstrate his 'third worldness' and to appeal to all those Muslim voters.  At least, she performed that up until yesterday when she huffed out and resigned because Dave hadn't been rude enough to those Israelis who had the temerity to shell sites from which rockets were aimed and fired at Israel.  Of course, Hamas, being a terrorist gang of fanatics, deliberately set up their launch sites in or around schools and hospitals in the full knowledge of the Israeli re-action.  The question arises as to who is the perp - the instigator or the retaliator?  That is not a question that fat, dumpy, little Warsi ever asked herself!

I should point out that Charles Crawford, a former British Ambassador, has an article in The Telegraph entitled:

Baroness Warsi’s embarrassing resignation letter showed that she was not up to the job

I have deliberately postponed reading it until I have written this post because I shall be interested to see whether his views coincide with mine.  Even so, I can certainly agree with the title of his article, as a Foreign Office minister she is definitely not up to the job!  As such she should set aside personal religious motivations and act solely in the best interests of Britain.  There is absolutely nothing to be gained by Britain aiding and abetting an Islamist gang of terrorists who, when they have achieved the destruction of Israel and the mass murder of every Jew they can lay hands on, will turn their attention to the next group on their hate list - us!

Also, as a Foreign Office minister acting for Britain she should have noted the absolute silence from virtually every Arab nation who signally failed to support Hamas or criticise Israel.  If her personal prejudices blind her to this obvious example of real-politik, then indeed, she is unfit for her job.  As to Dave's misjudgment in appointing this utterly useless woman in the first place, what can I say except that I am unlikely to drop dead with surprise!

 

'You wan' CO2, we got plen'y, velly cheap': Prime Minister of China

Well, perhaps not his exact words but they could be because along with all that dirt cheap gear they churn out by the zillion tons - and believe me, I love 'em for it - they also churn out CO2 which, according to the 'Greenies', means we're all set to fry as global temps go through the roof.  Here, from the always excellent WUWT, are some charts which show you exactly who the dummies are who believe the 'Greenies' alarmist claims that CO2 causes global warming, and who are the sensible ones who ignore it and refuse to add to their manufacturing costs:

Perhaps we should send Mr. Ed Davey, our current clown in charge of energy and climate change, over to China so that he can see for himself exactly who is producing ga-zillions of CO2.

 

Perhaps not, it's fairly obvious that he's a sandwich short of a picnic and he would just come back here and insist on even more windmills because, as he might put it, 'the Chinese are very, very naughty boys so we must try harder!'   Just how 'naughty' we really are may be judged from this graph:

 

 

 

Of course, were 'Dafty' Davey to accuse the Chinese of ramping up global warming through their massive CO2 emissions, they would reply, "Ying tong yiddle I po" (or something like that) which roughly translates as "What global warming, you long nose prat, there hasn't been any for at least 13 years and probably longer!" 

 

 

Don't you call my dahlia black, you racist!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, absolutely free of charge, so please take him, my Tit of the Year.  Yes, yes, I know it's only August but somehow I just know he is going to be a well-deserved recipient because no-one, not even 'little Georgie Moonbat', could reach the heights - or depths, perhaps - of this particular Tit.  Roll of drums, please . . .

. . .  followed by an enormous raspberry for Prof(!) Ben 'Batty' Pitcher of, God help us, Westminster University.  That sounds rather an august insitution but in reality it's just another jumped up polytechnic so 'Batty' Pitcher should fit in rather easily.

Anyway, you may wonder what this, er, distinguished academic has done to earn his valuable soubriquet as Tit of the Year.  Well, if you will put down your mug of coffee or your rather full glass of wine - I know you lot and I'm not paying for any keyboards! - I will allow The Daily Mail to tell it all.  For the benefit of my foreign readers Gardeners' Question Time is a regular Sunday radio programme which is nearly as old as the BBC.  It 'does what it says on the tin', that is, listeners send in questions about their gardens and various expert gardeners provide answers.  In the course of these most gentle and couteous of discussions freqent references will be made to "native plants" and "non-native plants", and such like.  Poor old 'Batty' Pitcher went quite batty:

Dr Ben Pitcher, a senior lecturer in sociology at the University of Westminster, says the panel show is ‘saturated’ with racial language.

From debates about native and non-native plant species to advice about the purity of different soil types, the programme’s resident green-fingered experts are secretly feeding nationalist and fascist fantasies, he claims.

Speaking on another Radio 4 programme, Thinking Allowed, he said: ‘Gardeners’ Question Time is not the most controversial show on Radio 4, and yet it is layered with, saturated with, racial meanings. The context here is the rise of nationalism. The rise of racist and fascist parties across Europe. Nationalism is about shoring up a fantasy of national integrity. My question is, what feeds nationalism? What makes nationalism powerful?’

Is there a factory somewhere, along the lines of that one in California which pours silicon plastic into great vats and then extrudes thousands of tall, slim, buxom blondes whose teeth are so white they can only be viewed from behind sun-glasses, but in this British case where tons of thick, and I do mean seriously thick, clay are poured into moulds which produce utter nincompoops like Prof(!) 'Batty' Pitcher?  If so, I bet it's not far from 'Uddersfield or Scunthorpe or somehwere 'oooop north'!  Mind you, for lack of anything better to do 'ooop there' they do produce some excellent comedians and 'Batty' Pitcher is the best joke this year.

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A truly great British Minister for Foreign Affairs

Regular readers will know of my admiration for the late Sir Edward Grey who, probably more than any other politician of his day, moved this country towards war with a Germany he recognised, to use today's jargon, as a 'rogue state'.  Others will curse his memory in the belief that Britain taking part in WWI was an atrocious act of folly which led to the greatest mass tragedy in our history.  I disagree, or to be precise, I disagree with the accusation of folly, although I endorse the fact of the tragedy - whilst insisting that the alternative would have been worse.  Anyway, courtesy of Daniel Hannan in The Telegraph, I can offer you this extract from Hansard which covers Sir Edward's speech to the House just prior to the declaration of war.  I cannot emphasise enough the sublety of Sir Edward's approach in the days, weeks, months and years before this culminating moment.  He knew, long before most, that Germany was a perpetual menace to the peace of Europe and he understood the grand strategic imperative for us to ensure that both France and Belgium (and Holland!) remained free of German hegemony.  But, he also knew and understood the propriety of his position in regard to parliament, that is, that he must not, could not, commit this country to war without final approval from the House of Commons, he was its servant not its master!  Hence, all his diplomatic (and military) manouvres, mostly with the French, leading up to this day of decision were always hedged about with 'get out' clauses.  This incensed the French who looked for certainty from their 'ally' and were deeply suspicious that perhaps 'perfidious Albion' was up to its usual tricks.  They were wrong as far as Sir Edward was concerned, he remained absolute in his belief that France must be helped even, or perhaps especially, in the case of war with Germany.  And yet . . . and yet . . . always he was aware that he could not commit this country to war without the consent of parliament.  This speech delivered on the eve of war amounts to exactly that plea for consent.  Clear, concise, undramatic but, I feel, imbued with great underlying passion, it represents one of those truly decisive days in our history.

http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/commons/1914/aug/03/statement-by-sir-edward-grey

 

Truth will out - but not from Gaza

I have remained steadfastly sceptical with regard to 'news' reporting from Gaza.  Even so-called reporters from my (ex)mate Rupe's SKY NEWS have been a disappointment not least because none of them have been expelled!  Commonsense tells you, and Douglas Murray at The Coffee House confirms, that any reporter inside Gaza will have a Hamas 'minder' by his side to ensure that only that which is acceptable is reported.  Fair enough, that's not the fault of the journo but, again as Murray comments, normally in that sort of situation they make it clear to their viewers that they are reporting under restrictions.

Yet I can think of no example during this conflict when reporters for any major broadcaster have told the truth – which is that if they stay in Gaza they are only able to tell Hamas’s account of this conflict (complete with ‘deliberate’ Israeli targetting and only ever ‘innocent’, never ‘guilty’ victims). There will be those who think this a small technical point.  But I suspect this is one major reason why some surprising Western observers seem to have become so rancidly pro-Hamas during this conflict.

It is an irony of mouth-watering deliciousness that so far the only reporter who mentioned that Hamas was actually firing rockets, and who was instantly expelled, worked for - Russia Today, Vlad's 'house magazine'!  Actually, since Murray's article appeared, I picked up from those rascals at IHTM a report from The Blaze concerning a Finnish 'girlie' reporter who admitted that she had seen a rocket being fired from the backyard of the 'hospital' which was consequently attacked by the IDF.  I suppose if she was speaking Finnish her Hamas minder didn't understand, or, given the way most 'Yerdie-durbles' speak English that would have been even more incomprehensible!  Anyway, her story eventually seeped out and now she has gone all hysterical and accused Israeli sympathisers for using her story as propaganda - yes, quite, what do they teach 'em at journalist colleges these days?

Anyway, I don't need to remind you lot what the first casualty of war is!

 

An inside/outside look at the Ukraine problem

Occasionally readers send me in their thoughts on various subjects which are by their nature too long for a comments thread.  When they are as well-written and thought-out as this example I am happy to publish them.  In this case, the writer, understandably, wishes to remain anonymous:

 

Villainy and the Ukraine 

As an Englishman who lives and works in Moscow I have a different perspective to most people on what has been going on in the Ukraine as I am exposed to media from both western and eastern sources and I regularly discuss developments with English, American and Russian friends.  The European and Ukrainian medias are currently depicting Putin as the real villain of the piece,  a Hitler for the 21st Century, whereas Russia is presenting him as a strong leader who is prepared to stand up and fight for the interests of his country.  I believe that the truth (as always) lies somewhere in the middle.   

Never forget that it was the decision of the E.U. to expand into the Russian zone of influence that was the root cause of all the bloodshed.  Russia had no alternative but to protect her own interests.  Imagine if you will, a parallel situation where treaties were being drawn up to make Scotland part of a newly formed U.S.S.R.   The E.U. has blood on its hands and with regard to the Ukraine, I have no hesitation in nominating it as the number one villain. 

My number two villain is none other than (ex) President Viktor Yanukovyich, whose epic mishandling of the situation managed to turn a series of protests into a full-blown people's revolution.  Although Yanukovych was democratically elected, he adopted totalitarian powers, re-writing the Ukrainian constitution to strengthen his own position.  His cronyist policies left his friends and associates rich and ordinary Ukrainians destitute which caused boiling resentment.  When people protested - peacefully at first - they were beaten by his Berkut security force and when they protested en-masse, the police followed his orders and attacked them.   As a direct result, the protests changed to revolution with over half a million people on the streets.  Yanukovych fled and the pictures released of his opulent (and tasteless) multi-million dollar residence speak far more eloquently on why he had to go than anything I could write here. 

My number three villain is Vladimir Putin, although it must be stressed that his villainy is of a much lower magnitude than my first two nominations.  I personally supported the reunification of the Crimea with Russia because it seems that a clear majority of the people were in favour of it; however I did NOT support the way in which it was done.  It seems remarkable that there should have been an instant ballot without any kind of referendum campaign, which would have allowed the arguments for and against reunification to have been fully debated in public and I do not accept the argument that the reason it was done so hastily was to guard against violence by hooligan elements.  Also, with 40% of the Crimean population being of non-Russian ethnicity, it seems even more remarkable that the result in favour of re-unification was almost 97%.  An article in the American Conservative Newspaper cited 123% of the population of Sevastopol exercising their right to vote plus the use of multiple ballot papers.  The frankly unbelievable result is a clear indication to me that these allegations were true.  I believe that the rigging of the election was a huge mistake.  A transparently honest ballot conducted after a proper referendum campaign would probably have returned a result of 60 - 70% in favour of reunification which would have been accepted by the West.   As it is, the finger of blame is being pointed at Putin and the annexation of the Crimea is being directly compared with Hitler's annexation of the Sudetenland. 

With regard to the current situation in East Ukraine, the European and American medias are citing strong circumstantial evidence (some of it photographic, some intelligence based and some via satellite) that the Kremlin is providing arms, armour, ammunition and specialist personnel and training to the Russian federalist insurgents.  The Russian media (and most Russians) would disagree, stating that there is no hard evidence to support this.  I am inclined to believe the European and Americans on this for the following reasons. 

Throughout history, irregular forces have NEVER been able to stand up to regular soldiers in open battle.  This is because they lack numbers, weapons, ammunition and training.  When the fighting started in the Ukraine, some Ukrainian army personnel went over to the Russian federalists taking a quantity of arms ammunition and heavy equipment with them.  I think we can safely say that the contents of a number of armouries fell into their hands as well.  Also a small quantity of (mostly) 1940s vintage tanks have been cranked up, driven off their war memorial plinths or out of museums and are (presumably) now seeing action again although whether or not any ammunition still exists for their obsolete weaponry is a very good question.  HOWEVER, IF THE CONTENTS OF SOME ARMOURIES PLUS A QUANTITY OF KIT LIBERATED FROM THE UKRAINIAN ARMY ARE THE ONLY WEAPONS THAT HAVE BEEN AVAILABLE TO THE RUSSIAN FEDERALISTS THE FIGHTING WOULD HAVE CEASED A LONG TIME AGO.  This is because open warfare uses up arms and ammunition at a horrendous rate and regular resupplies of both have to made if fighting is to continue.  Remember that the Russian Federalists have been fiercely resisting the Ukrainian Army and Air Force in pitched battles for the last five months.  The arms, ammunition and materiel that have enabled them to continue to do this must have come from somewhere in large quantities and the only place that they could have come from is from across the Russian border.  Recent newspaper reports state that fierce fighting is now taking place in the Donetsk region with HEAVY USE OF ARTILLERY BY BOTH SIDES.  Again, insurgents do not commonly use anything heavier than mortars, so the question remains.  WHERE IS ALL THIS HEAVY KIT COMING FROM?   I am afraid that the answer is obvious.  

Finally, as an ex soldier, I have been making my own observations from the TV and YouTube footage of the fighting that has been shown.  I would say that in military terms, the only difference between a bag of shit and most Russian federalist insurgents is the bag!  However there are a number of personnel with them who stand out like falcons among a flock of pigeons.  They are fit, disciplined, wear their kit perfectly and have the unmistakable look of highly professional soldiers.  I can recognise crack troops when I see them and these ARE crack troops.  The Ukrainians call them 'the green men' and say that they have Russian accents.  I am inclined to believe them. 

So what is going to happen next?  It would be pointless to go into the details of who did or didn't shoot down flight MH17 except to say that perceived truth is always more important than the truth itself and that this tragic incident has polarised opinion like nothing else before it.  I think it is fair to say that a majority of Ukrainians are now anti Russian.  The Ukrainian Army and Air Force have had a string of victories on the battlefield and the fighting is now confined to a relatively small area of East Ukraine with Donetsk remaining the only significant centre of resistance.  If Vladimir Putin's aim was to use the Ukraine as the heart of a newly reformed U.S.S.R. then his plans have gone utterly wrong.  America and Europe have now been  thoroughly alerted and any further military  adventurism is likely to meet with a much more robust response.  However, Putin is not just playing to a world audience but to his own countrymen as well.  Ordinary Russians are intensely patriotic and have an 'us against the whole world' attitude.  I believe that in Russia, Putin's actions are seen as those of a strong leader who is standing up for his own country's interests.  In consequence, his approval rates will soar and that this will ensure that he remains in power for the foreseeable future. 

They say that the first casualty of war is truth and there have been a number of wild accusations being flung about, such as the C.I.A. being behind everything, American snipers being responsible for many of the deaths in Independence Square and even that it was the Ukrainian Army that shot down flight MH17 with the intention of blaming the Russian Federalists.  My own opinion is that (for once) the Americans cannot be held responsible for any of this.   To me, the footage of the fighting in Kiev looked like a genuine people's revolution against a government that had turned itself into the enemy of the people.  Citizens of all ages and backgrounds were taking part with improvised weapons and the idea that a few shadowy C.I.A. operatives were responsible is frankly risible.   Having said that,  I would very much like to know what the Director of the C.I.A. had been doing in Kiev in April!  

To all those who continue to believe in these stories without a shadow of evidence to support them, I would draw their attention to Dr Joseph Goebbels' famous dictum.  The first part is well known: 

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it." 

The second part is not so well known but is well worth repeating as it carries a warning for those who govern us: 

"The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.” 

However I leave the last word to William Shakespeare: 

But if the cause be not good, the king himself hath a heavy reckoning to make, when all those legs and arms and heads, chopped off in battle, shall join together at the latter day and cry all 'We died at such a place;' some swearing, some crying for a surgeon, some upon their wives left poor behind them, some upon the debts they owe, some upon their children rawly left. I am afeard there are few die well that die in a battle;

 Henry V Act IV Scene I

 

Your Monday Funnies: 4.8.14

An elderly golfer comes in after his round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar and restaurant area of the club house.  As he passes through the swing doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $ 3.50
HAMBURGER: $ 7.00
CHEESEBURGER: $ 8.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $ 8.50
HAND JOB: $ 35.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of other sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

“Yes?” she inquires with a broad smile. “May I help you, Sir?”

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”

She looks into his eyes and with an even wider smile, purrs,

“Yes, Sir, I certainly am.”

The old golfer leans in even closer and whispers into her left ear,

“Well, then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a chicken sandwich.”

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A Dilemma

After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at 'Hooter's' to see
some friends and have some hot Wings and drinks.

After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I
would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators."

I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

Sitting by a window of her convent, Sister Joan opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 note her parents had sent.   

Sister Joan smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.

Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Joan," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 note in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.   

The next day, Sister Joan was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 notes.

"What's this?" she asked.  

"That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied, "'Don't Despair' paid 80-to-1."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A BONUS, courtesy of Andra, a very witty little film with a trickier plot than a le Carre novel so watch to the very end:

https://www.youtube.com/v/_CwHrJt8Oz8

 

The Sunday Rumble: 3.8.14

Tricky things, tunnels:  Like you, I guess, I have been somewhat bemused by the Israeli operations in Gaza.  They seemed to be floundering about with no very clear objective which is most unlike the IDF but, according to the Jerusalem Post, this was far from the truth.  Their main objective is, and remains, the destruction of the tunnel network built at eye-watering expense by Hamas (and their Iranian ally).  Apparently Israeli intelligence had a very good idea where most of them were situated but like all intelligence it was not 100%.  I think also that the sophistication of these tunnels has taken them by surprise - Hamas has actually equipped some of them with motor-bikes so that their fighters can take them above ground and use them for greater speed and mobility.  In retrospect the Israelis were rather wise to hold their hand until huge amounts of money and effort had been epended by Hamas before moving in to wreck them.  Perhaps, Hamas will think twice before trying to rebuild a tunnel network that will take years of effort and zillions of Iranian dosh.

 

Right, pay attention 'over there'!   With the sort of generosity for which 'old Europe' is famed the length and breadth of, er, well, 'old Europe', we have kindly sent over our World Cup 'footie' tournament which attracted huge TV audiences 'over there' not least because your own team played enormously well.  Also, several of our top club 'footie' teams are with you to play friendly matches with each other by way of warming up for the new season.  One match attracted a stadium audience of over 100K!  So, by now it must be perfectly clear to you all that you can stop playing rounders and netball and certainly there is no need to bore yourselves rigid watching great big grunts deliberately run into each other!  Your new national game is 'footie' - hurrah!

 

So, today's the day:   Yes, indeed, 100 years ago today Great Britain took the first action that was eventually to eliminate the word 'Great' from our title.  Of course, it also eliminated around 800,000 men!  As an ex-soldier and an exceedingly amateurish historian I feel, somehow, that I should mark the event with some noble words but the fact is that there are none.  I can't cry and I certainly can't cheer.  About all I can do is mutter some curses under my breath aimed at the idiots, most of them Germans, who with an arrogance and certainty that defies belief, marched into the slaughterhouse.  I hope they rot in hell!

 

Confirmed - avoid the Edinburgh Festival:   I have never been tempted to attend any of the myriad of literary and musical festivals which abound in this country.  Even if you live in a village with five houses and a pig farm some 'artyfarty comunity activist' will insist that you all get together and hold a 'festival' of some sort - musical pig-roasting, perhaps.  Anyway, courtesy of The Telegraph I have their choice of the five best jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe.  Oh goodie, I thought, I can nick a few of those for my 'Monday Funnies' spot   Well, talk about laugh - I didn't!  In fact, I failed even to crack a smile, partly I suspect, because I didn't understand some of them.  If you are suffering with a surfeit of good humour, not a frequent experience around here, go and read them, it will soon cure your condition!

 

Sperm banks for lesbians:   According to the prints today, our wonderful Nationalised Health Service is to provide lesbians with a sperm bank from which, presumably, they can withdraw the, er, necessary deposits!  Honestly, you'd think they might have asked me!  I, as it were, stand lean flop ready to supply their every need, although a few intimate piccies might be required to, er, stiffen my courage, so to speak.

 

Give our 'gal' soldiers proper support, I say!   I was shocked, I tell you, shocked, to learn via The Telegraph that our brave young 'gals' in the army are not provided with proper support in undertaking their duties.  No, indeed, they are forced to buy their own bras to help keep order in the ranks, or something like that.  Because, you see, when the RSM has them marking time on the spot and eventually shouts, "HALT!", they find it impossible to all come to a halt together - as it were!  At least, I think that's what the complaint was about but the result is that these poor wee lassies have been forced to go out and spend their money on providing their own sports-type bras.  Has no-one ever told them that in the entire history of the British army the 'Toms' (and now the 'Tomettes') have always had to buy their own gear because the stuff in the QM's store was, is and forever will be - crap!

 

 No more rumbles today

 

 

Gentlemen (well, ladies, too, of course), I give you 'President' Scott Walker

'Waddyamean', who he?  He is the current Governor of Wisconsin, and in my view, a man well worth watching for the Presidential election in 2016.  Of course, it is well known that an endorsement from this distinguished blog is usually the kiss of death to any aspirant so I donate it surreptitiously and, given that hardly anyone reads this blog, hope that no-one 'over there' will notice!

Somehow this remarkable man managed to win the governorship of the 'United Socialist State of Wisconsin', a basket-case entity whose public affairs, that is town halls, schools, State agencies and so forth were entirely in thrall to their public service unions - a bit like ours will be if Ed 'Milipede' wins next year and McCluskey's apparatchiks take over.  Walker took them head on and passed a law which reduced their legal bargaining remit to wages alone, not the myriad ancillaries they had ripped off from Wisconsin tax-payers.  The unions with Dem party helpers fought back furiously forcing the Governor to face a recall election.  Much to their chagrin, he won! 

Now, the State Supreme Court has ratified his policy that Wisconsin public sector unions are not only reduced to bargaining for basic wages and nothing else but also that henceforth they will be responsible for collecting their own union subscriptions instead of using local government offices to stop it automatically from workers' pay packets.  You will not, I'm sure, drop dead from shock to learn that it was teachers' unions who were the most hostile!  Of course, it will now be appealed up to the SCOTUS but givem the current membership I will be amazed if it is over-turned.

To add a dollop of cream to Gov. Walker's Wisconsin apple pie, his State court also upheld his plan for voter registration and identification.  That should go a long way to keeping elections fair and open, a policy detested by Democrats.  So this is a man who not only 'talks the talk' but executes the action.  In other words, a man worth watching but, of course, his immediate problem lies not in the serried ranks of Democrat socialists and trades unions but his own Republican party leadership, the biggest collection of clowns since Barnum's circus hit town!

http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2014/08/wi_state_supreme_court_upholds_curbs_on_public_employee_bargaining.html

Let's hear it for Lilley & Stringer

I refer, of course, to a pair of MPs who might well be renamed 'The Odd Couple' because the former is a free market, ex-Thatcherite minister with profound suspicions of the entire European Movement, and considerable scepticism concerning so-called Anthropological Global Warming (AGW).  The latter is Labour MP for Blackley and Broughton - and, no, me, neither but I gather it's 'ooop north' somewhere near Manchester.

So what binds this 'odd couple' together?  Well, they were they only two members of the parliamentary Energy and Climate Change Committee who possessed enough intelligence - and breath! - to blow a large raspberry in the direction of the IPCC report claiming that Man was the prime instigator of global warming.  Not too surprising on the part of Mr. Lilley but extraordinary coming from a Labour MP such as Mr. Stringer.  But then I looked him up on Wiki and immediately I could see that this is a man who can think for himself.  For a start he was the first Labour MP to call for Brown to resign.  On top of that heresy he went on to claim - rightly in my view- that so-called 'dyslexia' was an invention seized upon by the education  establishment to explain away their mostly useless teaching methods.  He also supported the Immigration Bill proposed by another Right-wing Tory, Dominic Raab.

So, all in all, I think Mr. Stringer is a man to watch, although given his independence of thought I doubt very much whether he will ever rise too far in Labour political circles.  Pity!

 

Give Ginsburg a large gin!

Yes, indeedy-doody-dandy, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a mere stripling at 81 years of age, has let it be known, via The Hill, that she has no immediate intention of resigning through old age and thus - dread news! - allowing Obama to pick his next stooge.  So give the lady a large gin but ask her, for God's sake, to sip it slowly!  My hope is that the Republicans win both Houses later this year and that they win the presidency in 2016 - and I don't much care who they put up to stand just so long as s/he wins! - but my fervent prayer, as opposed to my hope, is that Ginsburg hangs on in there at the Supreme Court even if she is a batty Leftie of the old order, and that none of the Right-wing Justices fall off the high-bench before Obama has gone.  If she goes after a Republican president has been inaugerated then the Right will have a 6-3 advantage when she does step down.  The worst nightmare case is that one of the 'Righties' falls under a bus and Ginsberg retires gracefully just before Obama departs.  Then America will be stuck with a Left-wing Supreme Court for years. Quelle horreure!

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg Refuses To Step Down

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'Eyeless in Gaza'

With apologies to the late Aldous Huxley, the title of whose novel I have appropriated.  I have been meaning to write something concerning the current war in Gaza but even an old windbag like me hesitates to write on a subject about which I know virtually nothing.  But, and this is the joy of this 'internet-thingie', today infomation is available with a few clicks of the 'mouse'.  Thus, I was very interested to read an article by Michael Carl Haas at The National Interest which both confirmed my growing suspicion that the Israelis were floundering somewhat and also offered some reasons why.

Over the past fifty years we have grown used to daring military exploits by Israel which seem to have scotched the plans of their numerous enemies before they had time to hatch.  I assumed that something similar would occur in this latest operation against Hamas in Gaza but I can't help noticing that after weeks of high, and low, technology attacks - the Hamas rockets keep firing!  Mr. Haas offers his explanation and it is worth reading, not just for supporters of Israel, like me, who wish them well, but also for those interested in 21st century warfare where amazingly high technology weapon systems come up against very low technology humans - and the humans seem to win!