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Monday, 18 August 2014


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Mary had a little skirt
With a split right up the sides;
And every time she crossed her legs
The lads would see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt
With a split right up the front;
She never wore that one!

Mary had a little lamb.
You've heard this one before.
But did you know she passed her plate
and had a little more?

may had a little lamb.
She had it with mint sauce.
And everywhere that Mary went,
the lamb went too, of course.

These are good! I intend to shamelessly copy and pass them around.

Oh, David, I hope the Mrs. can get a refund on the first hip if that is the one in question.

Thank you, Tim and Mayfly, more additions to my forthcoming anthology!

No, no, Whitewall, this is the other hip and the good news is that it is likely to be done much earlier than we thought so, thank God, she should have recovered enough to be able to cook my Xmas turkey! Well, one has to have a set of priorities, you know, and the alternative - SoD cooking it - doesn't bear thinking about!

Well it is good the other hip will be done before the holidays. I can't imagine you and SoD squaring off over an uncooked bird for a festive occasion.

Actually, he wrote between gritted teeth (er, if you follow my meaning), SoD is quite handy in the kitchen, much better than me because if I can't fry it, I can't cook it!

Liza Minelli had both hips replaced. It's all that high kicking what does it!

Ah, high kicking, that might explain the Memsahib's later problems with hips! "Those were the days, my friends . . ."

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
he was done for sexual harassment.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
and so am I.
(with apologies to anyone who knows that this is not the medical definition of schizophrenia, but "Dissociative Personality disorder" doesn't scan as well).

As always, Mayfly, you are both funny and educational!

Some 20-odd years ago I read "The Penguin Book of Rap Lyrics" - the remarkable writing of an act called "2 Live Crew" has stayed with me - their version of Humpty Dumpty :

"All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put that fat m******f***** together again"

And just to show that English schoolkids can be just as rude,

"Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin'
She tied it to a five barred gate
And kicked its little ... *ahem*"

"Mary had a little sheep
And with that sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb"

"Mary had a little lamb
She also had a rat
Tommy Cooper came along
And squashed it *just like that!*"

Delicately as well as wittily put, Laban - and you have reminded me that your site was another one I lost in the 'Big Crash'. Rectified immediately!

Oh shit, Laban, you've gone! Where to?

Bronwen had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket;
And every time the lamb got out
Her brother tried to persuade it to get back in again.

What the ????

Nice one, Nerd!

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