The Sunday Rumble: 29.3.15

Bloody clocks:   It's all a plot, I tell you, designed to confuse an old man in his dotage.  I mean, of course, this nonsense of moving the clocks forwards, or backwards (I'm never entirely sure which), which leaves me all a-kilter.  I moaned about it to the 'Memsahib' this morning and all she could say was had I changed them?  Honestly, I have to do everything in this house!  And anyway, whilst I am perfectly able to push the long arm of a proper clock forwards or backwards (when someone tells me which it is) it is way above my pay grade to change electric clocks.  They whizz round as such a speed that I always shoot past the time I'm aiming for.  Happily, my computer-thingie-clock changes automatically and as I spend more time looking at that than anything else, I am happy.

 

 

Добро пожаловать, товарищи:   You don’t speak Russian!  Well, start learning because the cry is going up – the Russians are coming, the Russians are coming!  My sub-title means “Welcome, comrades”, and yes, I know the appellation “comrades” is a bit out of date but it’s friendly and will remind them of, er, better former times!  Anyway, according to Peter Spence in The Telegraph, a survey of oligarchs in Russia shows that most of them plan to ‘do a runner’ in the near future and London is amongst their havens of choice.  Goody, goody, say I, as I relish the sight of us Brits doing what we’re so awfully good at – relieving rich foreigners of their dosh – but all in the very smoothest, politest fashion, of course. 

 

Well, she is Polish:  I refer to Ms. Helen Czerski, a sort of physics swot who has inveigled her way onto the airwaves via the BBC – yeeeeees, quite!  I point out the fact that she is of Polish extraction  because, ‘as every fule do no’, the Poles are quite mad.  Whether this madness is “A Good Thing” or “A Bad Thing” depends on whether or not they are for you or ‘agin’ you – check out the history of the Polish Lancers and you will see what I mean!  Anyway, I am grateful to ‘m’Lord Bishop Hill’ for pointing to a ‘tweet’ (or whatever they call the silly things) by Ms. Czerski who recently took part in a BBC programme on global warming which was criticised for being hopelessly unbalanced.  In reply to the critics she wrote this:  “And actually, it's v. balanced in sense that there is no "skeptic" voice.”  See what I mean?

 

Obama has chosen sides:   And so, as the Arabic religious war kicks off in a fight, literally to the death, between Iranian-led Shi-ites and Saudi-backed Sunnis, the President of the United States of America has chosen to back the Shi-ites.  If they win – big ‘IF’ -  he may be lauded but as the war will be fought Arabic-style, that is, with every cruelty imaginable to man, he will also be tarred.  Quite what the national interests of America will gain out of this bloody imbroglio, I do not know, but then, President Obama – The One! – is so much more intelligent than little, old me!

 

 

I  want Janet Daley to have my babies:  Yes, yes, I realise there may be one or two legal, biological or ethical problems involved – and that’s before the ‘Memsahib’ reaches for the axe - but, dammit, the lady is brilliant, I am not but therefore all the more reason that her genes and mine should be introduced!  In The Telegraph yesterday she summed up all my hitherto inchoate thoughts on the sheer wretchedness of Westminster and its grubby, clueless inhabitants.  If you are a Brit - READ IT NOW!

 

 

More thieving - sorry m'Lud:   The Telegraph is to publish a book of some of the wittiest political letters it has received from its readers in recent years.  I offer a selection to cheer you up on this windy day as you stumble around asking what time is it? 

SIR – The Leader of the House of Lords, Thomas Galloway Dunlop du Roy de Blicquy Galbraith, 2nd Baron Strathclyde, claims that the Conservatives are not the rich, posh party. Indeed, how would he know? 

Jack Woodford, Buckfastleigh, Devon

SIR – Is Plebgate the first political scandal to involve an actual gate?

Annie Pierce, Birkenhead, Cheshire

SIR – A no-fly zone over Libya seems an excellent idea. The Libyans have enough problems without flies.

Ray Cantrell, Colchester, Essex

SIR – We are bombing Colonel Gaddafi because he is bombing his own people. Why can’t he stick to bombing other people’s people like the rest of us?

Trevor Wray, Stroud, Gloucestershire

SIR – Scotland has spoken. May we now hope that it will shut up?

David Cole, Salisbury, Wiltshire

SIR - Ed Milliband’s desire to have four million “conversations” with voters prior to the election will need them to be short, rather like the last one I had with a Labour canvasser who rang my door bell. I contributed two words, a total of seven letters.

R. Adam, Stevenage, Hertfordshire

SIR – I have never found a collective noun for clowns. If there isn’t one, may I humbly suggest a coalition.

Peter Pascall, Worsley, Lancashire 

SIR – If we charged for all the terrorist training carried out in Britain it could relieve the country of its debt within a year or so. 

A.P., Warwick 

 

Poor Nigeria:   I do feel sorry for those zillions of Nigerians 'enjoying' their first election since independence.  Given the history of the two candidates it is a bit like choosing between John Goti and Al Capone!  I suppose if - and I do mean 'if' - the current President Goodluck John (what an ill-judged name!) surrenders power to a previous President General Mohammedu Buhari, then that is, perhaps, the first tiny step to a democracy of sorts.  But I'm not holding my breath!  (Incidentally, I have just realised  that I do not have a separate category for 'Africa'.  Shame on me!)

 

No more rumbles today

 

 

Comments

[Whitewall]

"actually, I'm off to lunch in a minute at The Tippling Philosopher so I'm not at all sure if I will be capable of any more 'rumbles'!". Will it be due to the tippling or the philosophizing?

[Whitewall]

Oh, by the way, since I had to take a peek from sheer curiosity, will you return there next week and help with the Elvis imitations?

[David Duff]

Alas, 'Whiters', the entertainment on offer at 'The Tippling' has gone down in standards:

http://duffandnonsense.typepad.com/duff_nonsense/2010/10/ye-goode-olde-days.html

[Whitewall]

Well David, I see what challenges present day "Porters" are up against. Most of that previous "dutiful adherence" to the spirit and even letter of the law would be frowned on today. Using a swinging body for target practice should not be such a challenge today as automatic firearms make good aiming unnecessary.

[David Duff]

Hmnnn! I wonder if I could arrange the hanging of the Elvis impersonator?

[David Duff]

By the way, did you have time to click on the history of the pub?

http://tipplingphilosopher.com/history.html

[Whitewall]

Yes I did. Very pivotal it seemed even in such a small community. This sort of place is well in my comfort zone. I appreciate old traditional places with lots of history. I even showed the site to my wife and she nodded with an "Oh yes". Seems even centuries ago, politicians were the same as today.

[Andra]

Wasn't there some sort of cricket thing going on?
Who won, I wonder?

[David Duff]

Alas, today the pub has very little about it to indicate its old age, except possibly the flagstone floor in the centre - probably nicked from a church 'back in the day'! Still, very decent Sunday pub lunch and it's within staggering distance of home so no worries about breathalysers and all that. Slept like a log this afternoon!

Cricket, Andra? What cricket? Oh, you mean that game of rounders your colonial chaps are so awfully good at. Who won? Dunno and care even less!

[Oswald Thake]

Oh, I dunno, Duffy! Changing the clocks twice a year is a bit of fun. (But my great-grandmother, born about 1860, always kept her clocks on what she continued to call 'God's Time,' and be damned to Mr. Asquith and Mr. Lloyd George).

[David Duff]

Mr. Thake, if changing clocks is your idea of fun please don't invite me for a night out! However, your great-grandmother was entirely right and I shall raise a glass to her memory later this evening.

[jimmy glesga]

OT. My grandfather used the term 'God's Time,' according to my father. My granda had one of those old fob watches on a chain. He was born 1875. Maybe it was because he was a Bethany Hall Evangelistic!