Now look, I demand my right to be at the head of the queue of those wishing to give 'Cleggy' a good kicking now that he is well and truly 'down and out' and serving a 5-year sentence 'ooop north' in Sheffield when he was secretly hoping not to be returned to parliament but instead to be offered a European sinecure somewhere warm and Mediterranean. I deserve my place at the head of the queue because over recent years I have earned a 'Long Service and Bad Conduct' medal in my campaign to rid us of this unctuous upstart ... but ... but ... let us not be too hasty, 'the times they are a-changing!' Perhaps, just, perhaps, it's time to cry, "Come back, Cleggy, all is forgiven!"
The other day I thought my neighbour had gone mad and was drilling holes through the wall but it turned out to be the new leader of the il-Lib-non-Dem party being interviewed on radio. My God, the man spits out words faster and longer than a Vickers machine-gun! "Calm down, dear", I thought as he raced in high-speed circles like a car at Le Mans and making much the same racket. I don't know what he was saying because for once I found the 'do-flicker-thingie' and zapped him. This year the Lib-Dem MPs will have no difficulty in reaching their party conference to be held in the village hall at Snodbury-Futtocks-on-the-Hill because they will all fit into a people carrier. If this zillion-words-a-minute maniac remains as their party leader then after the next election all they will need is a motor bike!
There he is, Mr. Tim Farron MP, and let me tell you that he talks the way he looks! There is some irrelevant tosh being chucked around on the grounds that Mr. Farron is a convinced, evangelical Christian. Happily, Ms. Isabel Hardman over at The Coffee House dismisses all that and points out, sensibly, that if you were to question all MPs on their "world view" you might wish to emigrate - well, she doesn't put it quite like that but go read her very sensible article.
I don't know what Mr. Farron believes in and I care even less. However, I don't think I can stand listening to his fusillades of words over the next five years. I may have to consider Australia - yeeeeeeeees, quite!
David, if it is to be OZ, make your application humbly. I understand the natives appreciate manners.
Posted by: whitewall | Saturday, 18 July 2015 at 13:45
Really? Can't say I've noticed, 'Whiters'!
Posted by: David Duff | Saturday, 18 July 2015 at 14:09
David, I listened to him on Jeremy Vine and what a gob shit but he did wangle out of what I believe is his fundamentalist views. He may get invited to ISIL decapitation events. I would like to hear Wee Diddie David Steeles view on him.
Posted by: jimmy glesga | Saturday, 18 July 2015 at 16:57
Well, you can't come here; we're full of Kiwis.
However, happily, New Zealand has room for you since all the Kiwis are here.
You'd have to learn to say fush und chups and wear jandals.
They haven't got any snakes so you'd like it there.
Posted by: Andra | Saturday, 18 July 2015 at 19:56
Well, Andra, I had my eye on your neck of the Aussie woods but now I hear its freezing cold and snowing!
Posted by: David Duff | Saturday, 18 July 2015 at 21:57
Wrong again!
It's what we call cold but you would probably enjoy it. 25.C ....(around 75 F).
Where the sleet and snow is happening is over 1000 miles from me.
Cairns is in the Tropics.
But you still can't come here, I'd probably corrupt the memsahib.
Posted by: Andra | Sunday, 19 July 2015 at 03:31
"I'd probably corrupt the memsahib". Never mind her, it's me that's looking for a bit of 'corruption'! Anyway, if I am driven from these shores then I will make sure to bring you some Long Johns, you can't be too careful, you know!
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 19 July 2015 at 07:48