Dammit, I've just had that lad George Osborne on the 'phone moaning because production stats have fallen like a stone this morning and he reckons it's because the Monday Funnies are late, and will I kindly pull my finger out and get on with cheering up the proles. Well, sorry and all that but I had to visit my quack and then go to the local clinic for some X-rays and, of course, I had to pay a visit to my favourite coffee shop for an 'Americano' (I'm still not sure what that means but I am assured it is the strongest black coffee available) and a portion of my favourite almond and lemon slice. So better late than never . . .
This first is a quote:
“Paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free
comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement has guns. And believe it or not, such a place does indeed already exist: It's called Prison."
Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Maricopa County, Arizona
Is that man running for President and if not why not?!
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And now some totally un-PC one liners:
It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting in some Tide washing powder to stop the coloureds from running.
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Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London.
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
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Following the riots in Tottenham, it's important to remind ourselves that not all black people are stereotypical liars, thieves and arsonists. Many are drug dealers.
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Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements.
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Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had
to leave because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching
speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman,
she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in
general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping...
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A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her
hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very
nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent
all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man was impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the
$5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a
joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest BOOBS.
Men are like that, you know!
Right, back to work and get those productivity figures up!
Sheriff Joe intimidates the PC lefties so bad they break down in "girlie fits". He remains high on their list of enemies.
Posted by: Whitewall | Monday, 13 July 2015 at 13:39
Oh I don't know Sheriff Joe intimidates "all" of our Lefties Whitewall, there are the pink panties ...
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/tent-city-jail-where-prisoners-wear-pink-and-swelter-in-120-degree-heat/article/2546924
(I think David, Sheriff Joe may gonna be Trump's VP.)
Posted by: JK | Monday, 13 July 2015 at 14:32
Thank you Duffers you are truly a gentleman and a scholar.
Just in time for me tea break!
Posted by: Cuffleyburgers | Monday, 13 July 2015 at 15:53
I'll supply the set-up. Y'all the er, "punch"line
http://news.yahoo.com/woman-pleasures-herself-while-driving-a-mini-125238739.html
Posted by: JK | Monday, 13 July 2015 at 16:16
Sometimes, JK, I worry about your reading habits! And by the way, I notice that there were 2,600 comments to that story!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 13 July 2015 at 16:22
Eh, David? I figured that had to be US ...
Gloucestershire UK. Mind now, I was merely wondering where that was, if the "fit" lady with the Rampant Rabbit (nope, never heard of the brand) anyway, the police report notes she's a swimmer.
Of the "early morning variety" friend of yours?
http://www.gloucestershireecho.co.uk/Woman-driver-crashed-van-pleasuring/story-26891233-detail/story.html
Posted by: JK | Monday, 13 July 2015 at 17:24
Monday Funnies? About bloody time! I don't want to keep pestering Mr. Osbourne.
Posted by: Oswald Thake | Tuesday, 14 July 2015 at 11:14
Sheriff Joe makes another arrest.
http://www.baxterbulletin.com/videos/news/2924570769001/4350782327001/
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 15 July 2015 at 06:40
'Go git 'im, Joe!'
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 15 July 2015 at 08:05
Aren't there any consenting horses in Pennsylvania?
I remember many, many years ago reading a wonderful letter in "Playboy" about a man who was arrested for ahem, being far too friendly with a duck, in the front seat of his (the man's) car.
He insisted it was a consenting duck and who am I to argue?
Posted by: Andra | Wednesday, 15 July 2015 at 10:19
I trust that wasn't 'The Donald' duck!
Posted by: David Duff | Wednesday, 15 July 2015 at 11:11