Your Monday Funnies: 5.10.15

Bit late this morning because I slept in - yes, you wages slaves, that's one of the pleasures of retirement, you can sleep in on a Monday morning.  Anyway, today we begin with yet more flagrant 'blondism':

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

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Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher."

The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth."

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 A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.  For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the
cheek.  Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your 
thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee
cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.
Then he blushed.  And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a
while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my
hand on your leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it onher knee.Then he blushed.  Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said,
'my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.'

"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad, nodding.  The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

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A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbour:

"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text:

"Really should use spell check! That should be "wifi"."

Right, back to work!

 

 

Comments

[Whitewall]

wifi huh? Well at least this one can't be blamed on alcohol.