Happy Easter? Really? In view of the fact that some poor, young carpenter was nailed to a cross, I'm not sure that wishing you all a Happy Easter is quite appropriate but still, everyone does it, so I might as well. Not being up on the finer points of Christianity, perhaps Easter Monday is the right day to do it because I am led to believe that was the day he miraculously rose from the dead.
And then there's the Irish Easter: The Paddies are 'going off on one' in 'celebration'(!) of the Easter Rising one hundred years ago. I try to contain my prejudices but the fact is that I can never quite warm to the Irish. It is a prejudice, I know, because on the whole, I gather, we treated them abominably in the past and as 'the Heffalump' reminds us in today's Telegraph we have much of which to be ashamed. Maybe so, but every time I see the smug, murderous faces of Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness on my TV I instinctively reach for my 7.62 SLR which, alas, I no longer have. As for saying sorry, as 'the Heffalump' proposes, then summoning all my throaty impersonation of an 'Oirish' accent, I say, "Never!"
Now Cohen joins Parris in booting Boris: I'm almost, er, but not quite, beginning to feel sorry for Boris. Further to my post yesterday, no sooner had Matthew Parris started kicking the 'blond football' when Nick Cohen pushed in demanding to have a go, and he was wearing studs in his boots! Sorry, I almost forgot that Ross Clark at The Coffee House offers a defence of the rascal. I can't say that it is very convincing.
The American election sinks lower: Just when I was thinking that it can't get any more nasty and imbecilic, The National Enquirer - yeeeees, quite! - comes up with a story that Sen. Cruz had five affairs. When 'Trump the Chump' was asked if he was responsible for this sleaze story he replied, "Who, sir? Me, sir? No, sir! Him, Sir" whilst pointing in several directions. Personally, I think if Sen. Cruz can handle five women and a wife then he would earn my vote!
Never, ever, mess with me or the missus!
No, no, no, you didn't really think that was me and the 'Memsahib', did you? I'm about the size of one of those weights he's lifting and the 'Memsahib' is no bigger than that lady's thigh! They are Mr. Barny Du Plessis, 41, and his fiancé, Miss Josie Beck, 42, who, I am delighted to say, are engaged to be married. I am particularly delighted for Miss Beck because, according to the Mail on Sunday, she was, hitherto, a huge fat 'lardie' but had the absolute determination to lose the weight and follow the example of Mr. Du Plessis who is, by the way, a winner of the Mr. Universe competition. The pair of them are obviously totally and delightfully bonkers because they have become fanatical vegans and have thus achieved those incredible physiques on a steady diet of carrots and spinach! I wish them well and a happy life together.
In which I, er, stand up for North Carolina: Well of course I do because my regular commenter, 'Whitewall', hails from those parts and the fact that the 'sillies' in Charlotte, NC, have decreed that transgender people should be free to enter whatever public toilet room they feel most comfortable in, is likely to have upset him. Fortunately blushes have been saved all round, according to The Federalist, by the NC Assembly which voted 83-25 to strike down the ordinance.
I almost feel sorry for Cuba: First they had to put up with 'Ol' Big Ears' prating rubbish at them and now a militant gang of old-age Brit pensioners has, er, rocked up and made a nuisance of themselves. I believe they call themselves 'The Rolling Stoned' and whilst it's an amazing feat for these four ancient old geezers to travel that far, I do hope they remembered to take their, er, meds with them!
The last episode of "The Night Manager": Thank God, my nerves are absolutely shot! If you missed any of it then do yourselves a favour and use your 'do-flicker-catch-up-thingie'. If you are 'over there' or 'down under there' then keep an eye on your TV schedules because you will rarely see such a genuine thriller! I'm staggering off to bed, I'm knackered!
No more rumbles
"I instinctively reach for my 7.62 SLR which, alas, I no longer have."
Disappointing. I assumed you had one packed in grease under the bed, against the possibility of Corbyn being elected.
Posted by: Whyaxye | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 14:41
Nah! Just a pair of really good quality running-shoes!
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 15:05
This couple can be the opening act of a freak show. I'll bet even his "johnson" has muscles...and her " apparatus" has a "don't enter" wall of muscle warning of suffocation/removal danger.
Posted by: Whitewall | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 15:09
You might say that, Whiters, I couldn't possibly comment - in case they find out where I live!
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 16:27
I dare we did behave middling bad toward the Irish but this was at a time when everybody behaved badly to everybody.
Bear in mind they did it at a time when we were engaged in a life and death struggle victory in which would save the irish as well, so much so that large numbers of irish men went to the front and fought admirably.
The reaction of say the russians, the germans, french or belgians, austrians in similar circumstances would have considerably more peremptory. Notwithstanding that they since chose to be governed by exactly those paragons...
And lets not forget de Valera's performance in the second when he all but actively collaborated with the Nazis.
Nah fuck it, we've nothing to apologise for.
Posted by: Cuffleyburgers | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 17:16
The Easter Rising was ill timed as WW1 was raging and the Irish / British were fighting the Kaiser.
The Irish like the Scots do like to moan and tell their hard done to stories inspite of the fact they prospered from the Union and were raised from their shitholes.
Ireland became a priest ridden dark country after independence with unprecedented abuse againt children and of course orphans being exploited in work houses.
Ireland would probably be fully independent if the Easter Rising had not happened.
Posted by: jimmy glesga | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 18:55
David
Not actually a British SLR but a reproduction of the same basic thing.
http://www.dsarms.com/c-828-rifles.aspx
Posted by: Hank | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 19:48
Thanks, Hank, I'll take the first six, well, you know, just in case!
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 19:57
Jimmy, Anglo-Irish history is, appropriately, a bog into which I refuse to sink. Enough faults to share all around.
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 19:59
David, It was you English to blame! I Was a marksman with the SLR the weapon with the big kick however when that SA 80 came out it had to be fired right handed and being a leftie I failed my range for the first time after 18 years.
Posted by: jimmy glesga | Sunday, 27 March 2016 at 22:26
Yes, Jimmy, I'd forgotten the kick on the SLR, it always left me with a sore shoulder and a bruised cheek. Happily, as a radio operator I was always issued with a Stirling sub-machine gun, much lighter!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 28 March 2016 at 08:14
SLRs, tchah, likewise pshaw. I have a Mark IV QF 25 pounder in the shed - only needs assembling. Beat that, Duffers!
Posted by: Oswald Thake | Monday, 28 March 2016 at 11:52
Oswald, honestly, when are you going to stop bragging that yours is bigger than mine?!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 28 March 2016 at 12:22
Dammit, that was really witty! (Grinds few remaining teeth.)
Posted by: Oswald Thake | Tuesday, 29 March 2016 at 11:04
David I see the news of bathroom facilities there has made the news everywhere. Would you believe it has offended every pc god known and unknown?! All hell is descending on NC for being so backward thinking. Major corps are wanting to boycott the state, the ACLU---atheists, communists,liberals and undesirables--is bringing suit in Federal court for discrimination. We as a society have sunk that far with no end in sight!
Posted by: Whitewall | Tuesday, 29 March 2016 at 19:11
Whiters, it sure is a mad, mad, mad, mad, world - and getting madder by the minute!
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 29 March 2016 at 21:22