Hands across, er, well, the North Sea, actually!

Doesn't quite have a ring to it, does it?  But that is what Nigel Farnsworth is suggesting in this week's Spectator, in effect, that we should quit the EU and get married to Germany.  After all, he reminds us, with his tongue rammed firmly in his cheek:

We have the same Protestant work ethic as the Germans. We enjoy the same things, such as brass bands, rambling and driving German cars. We both consider the sausage the height of culinary sophistication. We prefer beer to wine. And guess which country has taken over from Germany as having the worst reputation for reserving sun loungers with towels? That’s right, us, according to a survey for Travel Supermarket. Imitation? Flattery?

We both love rules, prudence, and ironic, self-deprecating humour of the kind personified by Henning Wehn, the darling of Radio 4 comedy, who wears a stopwatch to time his routines. (A typical German joke goes: ‘How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One.’)

Of course, Germany will need to get divorced from all those sultry, Mediterranean tarts with which it is involved but somehow I sense that most Germans wouldn't shed too many tears.  Also, of course, 'Her Maj' would be quietly pleased, as Farnsworth explains:

Even our royal family has traditionally been German, dating back to George I, who couldn’t speak English. And with the exception of George VI, every monarch since has taken a German consort. And if you are thinking: but isn’t the Duke of Edinburgh known as ‘Phil the Greek’? Well, yes he is, but Phil Schleswig-Holstein–Sonderburg-Glücksburg would be a more accurate nickname. And let us not forget that the Royal family retained the surname von Sachsen-Coburg-Gotha until 1917, when it was changed to Vindsor.

All excellent, witty stuff and typical of what you find every week in The Spectator, so get over there and read it - and don't forget to take out a subscription, it's as cheap as chips!

 

Comments

[Whitewall]

Stuttering again?

[Whitewall]

Married to Germany? British humor is much better as it can be delivered with few words at a time. One word in German can be as long as a brief humorous quip in English. Besides, isn't Germany in the midst of committing social and cultural suicide?

[David Duff]

Thanks, Whiters, duly corrected.

German suicide? Well, I did warn you that Farnsworth had his tongue firmly in cheek!

[Whitewall]

I know, but still.

[backofanenvelope]

I shall just be boring and repeat what I have written here several times. We made a big mistake in 1905 when we allied ourselves with the French. We had a thousand years of history with them, so we ought to have known better. Who knows how the 20th century might have turned out if we had allied ourselves with the Germans.

[David Duff]

Somewhere between badly and disastrously is my best bet, BOE. The bonkers Kaiser and his even bonkier (is that a word?) generals were just as mad as Hitler. And remember, we didn't ally ourselves to the French for the sake La France but in pursuit of our own crucial self-interest. Unfortunately, in a messy world you can't always choose your allies, as Churchill found out with Joe Stalin.

[jimmy glesga]

David, did you mean tae say pomme frites! Enjoyed the article.

[Hank]

David this has potential.

England, Scotland, and Ireland can be separate Lander. Devolve and not at the same tome. :- )

[backofanenvelope]

Well, we don't know how an alliance with Germany in 1905 might have turned out. We DO know how the alliance with France turned out though. Not exactly an unalloyed success in my opinion.

[David Duff]

And once the Kaiser had naval ports running from the North Sea, down the Atlantic coast and into the Med, you think all would have been well, do you?

That would have been the equivalent of not just helping the hangman make the noose but then slipping it over our own head!

[backofanenvelope]

Your speculation has the same value as mine!

[David Duff]

No, just think about it for a moment. If France had collapsed the Germans would have taken over their naval ports on the Atlantic and in the Med. The Kaiser had spent zillions building up the German navy but prior to WWI he had only one naval base on the North Sea which meant that when war came the British were able to bottle the Germans up. If we had stood back and allowed the German navy to establish itself all down the Atlantic and inside the Med how long do you think it would have taken the Kaiser to put the squeeze on British trade on which we were utterly dependent?

[backofanenvelope]

The Germans, re-assured by their new alliance with GB, restrain their Austrian clients from attacking Serbia. The Russians do not mobilise or call on the French to come to their aid. The Germans don't attack France, and anyway, we are not duty bound to come to the aid of France because we are allied to the Germans.