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Tuesday, 26 April 2016


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Asparagus, eh? Had some once, and wasn't impressed. Does it grow on bushes? You'll be well out of it anyway, Duffers, if you use your loaf - good luck with that!

Asparagus is wonderful stuff - as long as it's English and not some foreign Peruvian muck.

But it does make your pee smell funny.

(I bet you really wanted to know that during your lunch hour!)

We enjoy asparagus around here. Laid flat in a dish, wet it good with some white wine, season with a bit of lemon and pepper seasoning, seal the dish and cook to desired tenderness.

We prepare our asparagus over charcoal. Mostly only the guys eat the stuff, our wimmen find the charcoal's crunchiness off-putting unless we guys can afford fitting the wimmen for dentures.

(*Tip - remember to remind the lady to remove the dentures before bed.)

JK, you sure it's asparagus you're dealing with?

Well, got off fairly light on this one! We stopped at Somerton for a coffee whilst the ladies dived into various shops, one of which was the bakers and the 'Memsahib' bought me a bread pudding and a locally made lardy cake - scrummy! Then off to the farm where I stayed in the car whilst the others went into the farm shop. Then it was off to the pub for lunch. You know, sometimes this retirement lark can be really tough!

Not entirely sure Whitewall. ... The base of the bush sports mostly 5 leafed sprigs while nearer the top it's 7. Then, at the very top (about 7' from ground level) the asparagus shoots are straight up and kinda oh ... "skunky-smelly" (but not extremely unpleasantly).

I admit we Arkies haven't consulted any botanical identifier books but, that description match anywheres close to North Carolina asparagus varieties?

*Note. We intercepted the package postmarked purportedly from some fictitious Colorado zipcode. The shipping label clearly marked "asparagus seed" - and it was only because whoever originally mailed it got the zip wrong was why we kept the seeds for this Spring planting-season.

Colorado you say? Are you sure there wasn't a flower top on the bushes? If so, most any high school kid would know what to do with it. No doubt there is a healthy crop of "asparagus" coming up.

Quit veging out in the fields and observe the gerrymandering of the Brexiteers: -


"Ill blows the wind that profits nobody.
This man, whom hand to hand I slew in fight,
May be possessed with some store of crowns;
And I, that haply take them from him now,
May yet ere night yield both my life and them
To some man else, as this dead man doth me.
Who's this? O God! it is my father's face,
Whom in this conflict I unwares have kill'd.
O heavy times, begetting such events!
From London by the king was I press'd forth;
My father, being the Earl of Warwick's man,
Came on the part of York, press'd by his master;
And I, who at his hands received my life, him
Have by my hands of life bereaved him.
Pardon me, God, I knew not what I did!
And pardon, father, for I knew not thee!
My tears shall wipe away these bloody marks;
And no more words till they have flow'd their fill."


I will leave the lovely Ms. Pearson to respond:

"Why do the Remainers hate the Outers so much more than we Outers dislike them? I reckon it’s because they are defending the unlovely status quo.
As Boris said in his Gerald Ratner analogy, they know the EU is crap (and monstrous in so many ways), but the powerful have a vested interest in keeping it going."

Also, she finished with this:
"Personally, I will be wholeheartedly supporting my children in their idealistic pro-EU stance – while making absolutely sure the little darlings are not registered to vote."

Alas, you're too much of an 'old fart' yourself for me to pull that one!

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