Are men becoming (even more) juvenile? I ask because two of the chaps who regularly appear in these distinguished columns keep referring to their ladies as, respectively, "Fluffbun" and "Honey Pie". For God's sake, chaps, man up! A respectful title such as 'Memsahib', or even better if you are guiltily aware of some misdemeanour, "Your majesty", is quite sufficient.
'That other woman' scores again: According to The Telegraph, Mrs. May has encouraged her new International Development Secretary to use the £11 'squillion' quid which Dave 'n' George gave away to sundry African/Asian 'gangstas' as "leverage" to encourage them to sign new trade deals. Of course, "leverage" is Whitehall-speak for bribery but what can one say except 'jolly good show'!
Nelson wept: Yesterday, someone spotted a tear trickling down the face of Horatio Nelson as he stood patiently on his column in Trafalgar Square:
Apparently he had just heard the news that the Royal Navy's entire fleet of Type 45 Destroyers was tied up in the docks. They cost about a billion quid each and are packed full of the latest gizmos to offer Her Majesty's grateful subjects protection from air attack. A 'spokesidiot' insisted that it had nothing to do with the unfortunate fact that most of their engines failed to work properly when on duty in the Persian Gulf. Must have bought them from 'Duff Motors'!
The man's a nutter or a netter! I have just watched some poor man who is obviously suffering with severe brain damage collected over his years as a Hollywood stuntman who jumped from a 'plane at 25,000 feet without a parachute and who landed in a net! I assume that in several of his previous jumps he landed on his head! Had it been me, I suspect my poo would have hit the net long before I did!
I want you to consider closely Hillary's tongue: Oh come on, try, I know it's the stuff of nightmares but Mr. Lifson of The American Thinker has recently made it his life's work!
That is definitely a hole in her tongue. Is it, one wonders, the route by which all those lies slip out? Mr. Lifson, quoting others, suggests it might be the result of a biopsy which, along with her constant throat clearing might make one wonder about her health.
The day I led the German Grand Prix: I may have mentioned this before - sorry, did you say something? - but I once led the German Grand Prix round the Hockenheim circuit. No, I wasn't driving a Ferrari or a Mercedes, I was actually behind the wheel of a Ford Transit van - yeeeeees, quite! Behind me on a trailer was a vintage BRM racing car once raced by Jackie Stewart. Also on the trailer were two lovelies, the 'Memsahib' and her best friend, waving to the crowd and throwing samples of Yardley's after-shave to them because that was what we were promoting. It was a thrilling drive but in the end I had to pull into the paddock because all those 'Flash Harries' wanted to race around in those silly cars. Anyway, today's race was won by that frightfully decent black chap, Lewis Hamilton, who is a credit to England - and it stuck it to all those Huns - Heh! Heh!
No more rumbles today
I reckon Obama has got a set of false knashers!
Posted by: backofanenvelope | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 12:55
That hole in her tongue is where the fork comes out, which enables her sense of smell. The smell of power and money. To her there is nothing else.
I refer to my wife as "my favorite wife". She is the only one I have ever had. I remind her of that. She reminds me that I am easily worth more to her dead...always with a wink though, so it's ok. Damn joint property ownership. In the old days women didn't own.
Posted by: Whitewall | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 13:18
Er, that might not be a wink, Whiters, she might be gauging the range down an imaginary barrel!
Maybe so, BOE, because so many Americans have these fright, white teeth. Why can't they have a mouthful of snaggled, stained gnashers like us Brits?
Posted by: David Duff | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 14:56
About that hole: Apologies in advance, but we know from the Starr Report Bill once used a cigar as a stand-in for his tallywacker with Monica Lewinsky. Perhaps on another occasion he used one that was lit. That would certainly be one way to keep excitement in a marriage.
Posted by: Bob | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 17:44
And, and, some good news: Those cowboy rebs have stuck one right on the nose of the camel-shaggers: -
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2016/07/31/texas-shale-oil-has-fought-saudi-arabia-to-a-standstill/
Yip-yip-yee-haaar!
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 19:02
David,
Let's have a caption contest for that ghastly pic you have shown us several times. Here is my caption entry:
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 20:49
Robert,
You could refer to your wife (with a wink, of course) as "my first wife".
:)
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 20:54
David,
Possibly because America allows the practice of dentistry.:)
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 20:58
Big Bill the C flavors his cigars before lighting them by inserting them through his mistress's nether lips.
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 21:08
Henry, a wink wouldn't do it. A deep bow and then hold several seconds would be my opening act.
Posted by: Whitewall | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 21:19
You'll recall David it being said, "Bill Clinton was America's first black President"?
I reckon should the worst possible thing I could hope to never imagine come to pass its highly likely to be said, "Hillary Clinton is America's first lesbian President" (recall Bill's alleged quip, "Hillary's eaten more pussy than everyone combined, ever set foot in Pulaski County." And she's [allegedly] fond of, especially, Egyptian which, if memory serves doesn't exactly equate to my understanding of, particularly sanitary.
Or it could be ...
http://www.popsicle.com/product/category/107675/fudgsicle
(You mentioned something about being juvenile there Duff? Me'n SoD you reckons the only ones?)
Posted by: JK | Sunday, 31 July 2016 at 22:56
Why Pulaski County?
Posted by: backofanenvelope | Monday, 01 August 2016 at 08:33
Little Rock (Arkansas Capitol) is located in Pulaski County.
Posted by: Up2L8 | Monday, 01 August 2016 at 09:45
Duffers - re the Type 45s, I commend to you a book called Lions Donkeys and Dinosaurs by a certain mr Page in which he describes the corruption waste and incompetence endemic in military procurement, an area in which I guess we must be right up there with the best.
Quite staggering to the point of being distressing.
And not all of it is the result of euro collaboration projects although they hold their end up.
piano wire and lampposts.
Posted by: Cuffleyburgers | Monday, 01 August 2016 at 12:16
Alas, Cuffers, it was ever thus!
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 01 August 2016 at 13:45