For God's sake, Bond, you got the wrong Kim!

Honestly, 'M' (or 'C' or whatever he calls himself these days) is hopping mad.  Desperate for 'a big hit' to prove our worth to the new Trump security team, well, those that are left, he called James Bond out of retirement.  He's been living in a care home in Eastbourne for the last few years but every day, with loving care, he dismantles and cleans his favourite Walther PPK. 

It was very unfortunate a couple of years ago that a new Chinese care assistant entered his room unexpectedly and was shot and wounded.  Happily, 'the Firm' managed to cover it all up and the nurse was paid off for her troubles.

Anyway, given the mad proclivities of 'Fat Boy' Kim, the looney who runs North Korea and who keeps letting off rockets even when it's not Chinese New Year, 'M' (or 'C') decided enough was enough and called Bond back to the office to carry out one last hit. He should have been warned that Bond wasn't quite the sharp-eyed assassin he had once been when, by accident during the briefing, he steered his electric wheel chair over the foot of the Prime Minister who, given her love for smart shoes, was not amused.

Anyway, off he went, licensed to kill, to the Far East where he decided to refine his techniques by setting aside his Walther and instead armed himself with a poisoned needle.  Accompanied by Miss Moneypenny, and himself disguised as an oriental woman, they found Kim and plunged the needle in.  Er, slight mistake because unfortunately they hit the wrong Kim.  Yes, he was fat and slitty-eyed and North Korean but it was actually Fat Boy's older brother - oh dear what a pity never mind!

                        Fat Boy Kim                                  Even Fatter Boy Kim

You can read all about it at The Telegraph.  Can't wait to see the film! 

 

 

Comments

[Bob]

The General was alarmed by the eccentric actions of the pudgy dictator with weird hair. The one in North Korea. Shortly before resigning for purposes of plausible deniability, he called his KGB contact. Believing that no sawed-off Asian could resist the advances of a woman of superior race, he wanted Soviet assassin Xenia Onatopp to end the expanding threat. He had been mightily impressed by her ability to break a man's back and suffocate him with her shapely legs.

"But General," protested the liaison, "Xenia is only character in James Bond film GoldenEye."

"Look," replied the General forcefully, "Do you want the Middle East or not?"

"Okay, okay, we find her," came the reply in an extremely manly if unsteady voice.

"See to it," growled the General before slamming the phone gently.

He maintained a hard countenance as he cleaned out his desk. He would get no credit, but he was a man that never demanded recognition - a man who preferred the shadows. He would always know he had saved America, and that would be enough.

[David Duff]

By Jove, Bob, you can tell a good yarn!

[Bob]

Thanks, David. When you're in the mood you're not bad yourself, and it's rubbed off on SoD who can be hilarious.

[Whitewall]

With any luck, maybe one of the NK generals will take out the right Kim