Hey there, cobber, how's it all goin' 'down under there'?

I must begin with an apology.  I don't really 'do' Australia.  The reason is simple, it's because I know next to nothing of what goes on 'down under there'.  Of course, I don't know much more than 'next to nothing' about America, or Europe, or China, or any of the other things I 'Bore for Britain' about on this blog but at least I have a veneer, only skin deep but just thick enough to bluff my way until one of you 'brainiacs' chip in your five bobs worth to the Comments.  But Australia - not a clue!

Thus, I was especially grateful to Mr. Tom Switzer (no, me neither) in The Spectator who provided me with enough of a briefing for me now to bluff my way on most things Australian.  Mostly, he concentrated on the Aussie PM, Malcolm Turnbull of the Liberal party (= conservative, sort of) whom I do recall, vaguely, carrying out as neat a political assassination of his fellow Liberal and party leader, Tony Abbott, as you would ever see outside the Kremlin!  According to Mr. Switzer, the Australian media went mad with joy and thanksgiving and assured Aussies everywhere that at last the Messiah had arrived.  Mega-wrong hardly describes it!

"When Turnbull backstabbed his predecessor Tony Abbott in a Liberal party coup 18 months ago, the media herd declared ‘hallelujah!’ The 62-year-old climate enthusiast and former merchant banker, we were told, would transform Australia into a beacon of progressiveness. At the time, I remember attending one of those swanky dinner parties in metropolitan Melbourne where eyes lit up at the mere mention of Malcolm. There was a real sense of excitement. In an echo of Harold Macmillan’s famous declaration that Brits had ‘never had it so good’, Turnbull declared: ‘There’s never been a more exciting time to be an Australian.’ But the trouble for any politician exciting high expectations is that they can almost never be fulfilled. Once he was the ‘it’ man; everyone wanted to know Malcolm or be seen with him, especially in his posh Sydney electoral district, Wentworth (our equivalent of Notting Hill in west London). These days, if you were at the pub and saw Turnbull waltzing in, you’d look the other way, hoping not to catch his eye."

Oh dear, "what a falling off was there"!  Now, apparently, the Labour party are climbing back up the popularity ladder - but please, I beg them, don't  bring back that Welsh woman who was once Prime Minister and whose Aussie accent, in an effort to out-Aussie any Aussie, was so atrocious as to constitute 'cruel and unusual punishment'!  Also, it is reported that so dismal is Turnbull's premiership that Pauline Hansen, the wickedest fish 'n' chip shop owner in the world, is also making a come back.

What is going on?

I don't know but I think we should be told!

 

 

Comments

[Whitewall]

It will take AussieD and Andra to unscramble this egg. I get the sense that the Deep State/labor/media cartel is alive and trying to survive at all costs. If so, find their hearts and use bigger stakes. We await...

[Andra]

It's all so terribly boring and all the players are terribly boring.

Tony Abbott was a failed monk (something to do with the ears I would imagine) who annoyed me a whole lot because he ummed and aahhed and couldn't string 4 words together.

Malcolm Turnbull pushed Abbott over a cliff and we all stood up and cheered. Turnbull is a very successful businessman who looks good in a suit and can utter a sentence of more than 20 words without falling over. Looked good to me and I thought we were on a winner.

Wrong again! Malcolm has made some lovely speeches and foretold all manner of wondrous things for little old Oz but absolutely nothing has actually occurred. Nil, zero, nada. Same old, same old.

Now we've got the ignorant red-head back in the starting blocks and she is looking good to a whole lot of citizens who are very full of gruntle.

Our Foreign Minister (Julie Bishop) is just sitting quietly next to Turnbull, looking elegant at all times and speaking eloquently. She's managed to get along with everybody and makes no waves. Looks mighty fine to me for a PM in the fullness of time.

I doubt that Labor (they can't even spell it) would be a contender while they've got Bill Shorten in charge. Everybody hates him! However, you can fool all of the people quite often I have learned so who knows?

As long as the grapes keep growing and the people keep trampling the grapes I'm content in my little paradise.

[Andra]

PS - this latest ignorant redhead is not Julia Gillard (I still think she'll end up in jail). This is another ignorant redhead (they're everywhere) who used to run a fish'n'shop.

[AussieD]

Well I have to disagree with Andra about the current PM Turnbull. He was a failure as a Leader of the Opposition [Remember Godwin Grech Andra?], then a failure as Minister for Communications when the Libs got back into power and now he is a failure as Prime Minister. As Minister for Communications he had the chance to gut the ABC which, while being further left than Mao, claims to be independent and isn't. As PM he has done sweet fuck all except turn an enormous majority in the House of Reps into a one seat majority. Abbott, who Andra dislikes, was the leader at the time of the big swing to the Libs and while not the best public speaker is at least genuine. He was also the PM who returned us to a situation where illegal immigrants can no longer just front up and expect to be welcomed but get met by a big grey boat with a bang bang on it and turned around to head back to Indonesia.

Turnbull was certainly a successful business man [Goldman Sachs] and is worth a quid and believes the sun shines out of his fundamental orifice. Turnbull and the Stick Insect [Julie Bishop who Andra thinks will make a fine PM is Minister for Foreign Affairs and attending polo matches] was one of the assassins of a first term Prime Minister and I wouldn't trust the bitch with anything sharper than a stick of plasticene and she certainly isn't Prime Minister material. Oh and there is the deal where Turnbull signed a contract with the Frogs to buy their submarines but they are to be built here in South Australia [not sure what they will use for power as they rely on wind and solar] over an unbelievable time frame when we could have leased a bunch of Los Angeles class nukes off "the cousins" immediately [Duffers have I ever mentioned I hate bloody submarines?]

As for the Labor Party they are a bunch of extreme left wing socialist wankers and should never be allowed anywhere near the Nation's bank account for under Kevin Rudd [an egotist of amazing proportions] and the red headed harpy Juliar Gillard they turned a huge budget surplus into a debt of unbelievable proportions for zero net result.

Like a lot of other places on the planet people are looking for a genuine conservative party to haul us back on course.

Aussie Federal Politics in a nutshell.

[David Duff]

My thanks to Andra and AussieD for their excellent briefings on 'political-Oz'.

What can one say, except 'it's the same the whole world over'!

[TheBigHenry]

David,

I looked up the meaning of "cobber" -- "Australia: A pal, buddy, mate, friend; often used in direct address by one male to another."

But it is quite obvious that Andra is not a male. Please explain.

[Andra]

Big One, I think you can have a cobber who is a female but really it's not a word that is used on a day-to-day basis (well, not by me and mine anyway). I have never called anybody a cobber or been called such by another person.

Aussie D, I'll bow to you on Oz politics - whenever anybody in politics appears on my telly I change channels or turn the whole shebang off. Frankly, I dislike the whole damned lot of them. I'm prepared to believe that most of them go into politics with the desire to good and help the country but I think the whole system grinds them down within a very short time and they are just cogs in the machine. No fun for anybody, except for the perks, of course.

But I still like Julie Bishop and I can tell a shonky sheila from 100 yards.

[David Duff]

Henry, you will deserve the D&N Medal for Conspicuous Bravery if you dare to refer to Andra as your 'cobberette'!

Andra, I just had a quick glance at Ms. Bishop's page - a very attractive lady but whether that applies to her politics as well, I do not know!

[TheBigHenry]

Andra International Woman,

shonky or shonkie: words derive from shonniker, an archaic Yiddish term for a peddler or small-time tradesperson.