Yes, yes, I know I'm late but it has been just one of those days! This first one has a slightly familiar ring to it but if you're as old as I am you probably won't remember it:
A husband walks in to ‘Victoria's Secret’ to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron the damn thing!'
He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at noon.
Closed coffin.
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Two golfers are waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman runs across the fairway and into the woods. Two men in white coats and another guy carrying two buckets of sand are chasing her, and a little old man is bringing up the rear.
One of the golfers grabs the old man and asks, "What's going on?"
The old guy says, "She's a nymphomaniac from the asylum, she keeps trying to escape, and we attendants are trying to catch her."
The golfer asks, "What about the guy with the buckets of sand?"
The old man says, "That's his handicap. He caught her last time."
That's your lot for this Monday!
Here is the funniest joke today:
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Monday, 13 March 2017 at 20:14