As I think I mentioned before, I made it very clear to the 'quacks' that I would be happy, nay, delighted, if anyone dropped off their operation list and that I would, to quote a phrase, 'be in like Flynn' if a vacancy occurred. Well, obviously the word went out that Lord Duff of Milborne Port was in need of an urgent op and I assume that one of the 'Zumerzet' peasants did his duty, dammit, and fell off the perch thus freeing up a space for me tomorrow morning. Quite right and proper, in my view!
So tomorrow, biting hard on the leather strap that our wonderful National Health Service - 'the envy of the world' - provide in lieu of anaesthetic I will think of the late Lord Uxbridge at Waterloo whose leg was shattered by a shell and which produced the following interchange: "By God, sir, I've lost my leg!", to which Wellington replied, "By God, sir, so you have!" Actually, of course, in the exceedingly unlikely event of there being no anaesthetic I shall do what most British chaps do - burst into tears and cry for Mummy!
The truth is that I can't wait for the op to take place because this stabbing pain in the groin is tiresome. Apparently, they fit a sort of mini-hair net inside to, as it were, 'lift and separate' whatever it is that is pressing against whatever hurts. Fortunately, as I may have mentioned before, I have absolutely no fear of operations, I remain entirely phlegmatic. It's not that I totally trust the 'quacks' but there is no way, ahead of the event, to know how competent he is so there is no point in worrying.
Anyway, roll on 10.00am tomorrow!
To put things in context:
https://headrambles.com/2017/07/11/anna-raccoon-bench-marks/
Posted by: Wigner's Friend | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 16:02
Keep the British End Up Duffers old chap.
Posted by: Cuffleyburgers | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 16:35
Best of British.
Posted by: Pat | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 16:40
All will be well. Don't bite too hard on that leather strap though, the old choppers may not be what they were.
Posted by: Uncle Mort | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 17:26
Just remember that you have to avoid violent movement for a few weeks. Put the wife on top and just lie back and enjoy.
Posted by: backofanenvelope | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 17:36
Gentlemen, thanks to you all, even if the report on Anna Raccoon's incredible stamina puts a wimp like me to shame.
Posted by: David Duff | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 18:22
Best of luck, pain definitely interferes with the ability to focus as I have learned all too well. I will need you to be sharp if I am to explain to you why you are wrong about nearly everything.
Posted by: Peter G | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 18:32
Bonne Chance.
Posted by: mike fowle | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 19:33
You might ask for a colonoscopy as long as you're anesthetized. Maybe they'll find what keeps you so nettled.
Posted by: Bob | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 20:21
Duffers as was only too predictable bob and our dear friend peterg are holding out for you to be allowed to die with dignity and not be allowed to to live.
So fuck them and come back soon, all guns blazing!
Posted by: Cuffleyburgers | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 21:05
I don't think anybody said that Cuffleyburgers. That would be your own invention. And I also don't think anyone anywhere is much at risk of being left to die with dignity because they have a hernia. I happen to be one of those hardy socialists who think everyone deserves health care.
Posted by: Peter G | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 21:51
David I told you your surgery would be this week! I made a phone call but don't let that get out, you know how word travels on the web! If you must bite the strap-I hope it is new leather! Good luck!
Robert
Posted by: Whitewall | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 21:55
Stiff upper lip and all that, old boy!
Posted by: Andra | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 22:06
David,
If anyone asks whether you have any questions before they put you under, ask if the surgeon would mind taking a breathalyzer test before he asks for the scalpel. :)
Best wishes,
Henry
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 at 22:32
David
Get well soon!
Hank
Posted by: Hank | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 05:09
Good luck Duffers.
If you get a choice of leather ask for a fine kid as it is much kinder on the choppers.
Posted by: AussieD | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 08:44
Good luck, I am sending metaphorical grapes.
Posted by: Mayfly | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 13:27
I'm the kind of visitor who will metaphorically nibble on the metaphorical grapes. Have fun and don't let them excise the old acid!
Posted by: The Jannie | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 13:56
DD,
Just saw this, and by now it's all over but the shouting (and groaning, and wailing, gnashing of teeth, etc).
I hope everything went well, and that by now you are floating on a feathery pillow of palliative medicaments.
Get well soon!
- MP
Posted by: Malcolm Pollack | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 19:25
There, the old windbag is stitched up and back a la maison, grumpy as you like.
And now the punchline: The surgeon and anaesthetist were both Polish - so a bloody good job it wasn't after 1st April 2019 or they'd be back home and he'd still be waiting in the queue!
I couldn't help but crack a smile when the two of them introduced themselves, and enjoyed watching the Gaffer try to avoid my smirk! But I restrained myself from blurting out: "You know he voted Brexit don't you?"
Who knows what revenge surgery might have happened "down there": -
There was a Gaffer from Somerset,
Who had a hernia and voted for Brexit,
The doctor was Polish,
And feeling quite churlish,
So the Gaffer is now Gafferette!
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 19:35
Very good news, indeed, Lawrence. Thanks for letting all of us know.
Posted by: Michael F Adams | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 20:16
SoD,
There's a Polish joke (or two) in there somewhere, but I'll let sleeping dogs lie, as it were ...
Tell the Gaffer some of us are eager for his trademark grumpiness to resume.
Bring it, David!
Posted by: TheBigHenry | Wednesday, 12 July 2017 at 21:14
Thanks SoD!
Posted by: Whitewall | Thursday, 13 July 2017 at 02:05
Thank you for the update SoD.
I'm glad you were amused by the polish plumbers, and I hope they didn't forget any tools inside him.
Posted by: Cuffleyburgers | Thursday, 13 July 2017 at 07:54