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Friday, 13 October 2017


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I hadn't noticed.

What did BT say the problem was?

Did a chubby local oik nick the copper cable to keep his trousers up?

Conversation in the Tippling Philosopher tonight, "Oi Denzil, day fink thaz wot them forkin Metros mean by 'broadband?" - flashes enormous pot belly with sparkly new copper cable belt.

Oooh arrrrr!



I'm sure that being some funny shiite, but I don't speak that dialect.

..and about bloody time.

One more stunt like that and it will be the defaulters table for you Duffers.

A new psychological disorder re-appearing in the populace after a 40 year remission: Bumpkinitis Desperatum ...


This terrible affliction renders the sufferer unable to perform basic mathematical calculations, like netting off, and then proceeds to insistence that 1+1=3.

Sufferers may torture others who do not accept that 1+1=3 by placing their heads in a basket and placing rats in the basket until the others comply.

Tractor factory 5 year plans are made and figures bearing no relation to reality are assigned to the output achievement of said tractor factories.

In the final stages, the meaning of numbers is lost to the sufferer completely, and the sufferer appeals to the community of fellow sufferers to form a power base with which to apply the delusion and torture to the entire nation ...

Authoritarians have a genetic predisposition to the condition, and when exhibited in such folks it is known as "Socialism" in those of a Metro nature, and "National Socialism" in those with a Bumpkin nature.

There is a narrow band outside of the cities and before the rural areas, like Surrey for example, where people have a natural Libertarian outlook, and this provides some immunity in them to the scourge of Bumpkinism Desperatum.


In the event of an epidemic, or worse still a pandemic, the narrow belt of folks with immunity flee or are exterminated by the converging city Metro and rural Bumpkin communities of Bumpkinitis Desperatum sufferers.

Shortly, the two communities commence a war of extermination upon each other over minor differences in their delusions over numbers.

The condition quickly dissipates, and out of the ruins and rubble the survivors are joined by those who fled and have returned, and conversations are heard like, "What the fuck was that all about? What were we thinking of?" And "Never again."

Institutions are installed to inoculate against it all happening again.

However, although worthy, the inoculation is futile, as the cycle of recurrence, being roughly 40 years, is unaffected.

This lead one survivor of the worst excesses of one such cycle to coin the phrase, "Turtles all the way down", by which it shall forever be known.


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