The first one answers a long-term puzzle:
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple
creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be Prime Minister.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress -$5000.
Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to
them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the
time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A kid in school was asked if he knew who God was.
He answered, “Wasn’t he the bloke who saved the Queen?”
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."
When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" Asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch
from the kitchen and yells, 'How many times do I have to go
through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear
who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything
away.. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to
fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who
set the damn table.
'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the
cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses
downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence.
Listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***IN' PORRIDGE YET!!!!!!!
Poor Lenin. He died young, badly and short.
Posted by: Whitewall | Monday, 04 December 2017 at 12:57
Here's a giggle ...
https://www.rte.ie/news/brexit/2017/1204/924955-brexit-blog/
By George and all the Saints, the mother of battles has finished the "bare your bum" phase, and now the real clash of arms is set to begin.
Game of Thrones eat your heart out (oh yes, I forgot, you did already, but you know what I mean).
Lots of "Ooooooh, Aaaaaaah" and "That's going to hurt in the morning" from the spectators on the sidelines.
I must thank you Brexiteers for something: You've certainly made politics, economics, and social, bloody exciting in Blighty (bloody as in no need for me to put 50p in the swear box, Gaffer).
Will it be worth trashing the country for a lifetime and maybe forever?
Bollocks, yes, why not, I don't give a fuck any more, just give me ents until oblivion (ok, 50p in the swear box).
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Monday, 04 December 2017 at 22:59
Death of a "snake heads dancer" ...
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/dec/04/ali-abdullah-saleh-obituary
Relentless ents, courtesy of the sickos with the political gene dominant.
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Tuesday, 05 December 2017 at 00:26