A fine selection of 'groaners' to start your working weeks!
A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eying each other and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted.
"Rear toilet? Five minutes", he suggests. She agrees and goes off. He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her. "Right, get that condom on", she says. Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.
But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to, So, she humiliates them by making an announcement over the PA system.
"To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."
And what were you thinking?
I worry about you sometimes!
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My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 kilograms, only 15 to go.
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How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than men who mention it.
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WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF HISTORY
1. STORMY DANIELS
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON
WHY , YOU ASK?
1: STORMY IS A HOOKER.
2. O. J. IS A SLICER.
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER,
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST
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Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted. The waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist’s desk, I noticed that she was a large unfriendly woman who looked more like a Sumo wrestler than woman.
I gave her my name, and in a very loud voice, she said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
“NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”
The room erupted in applause!
DON’T MESS WITH US OLD RETIRED GUYS.
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Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation
during an endless wait in the Toronto Airport Terminal. The first lady was an arrogant Torontonian married to a wealthy business
man. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Timmins.
After a little while the Toronto woman started by saying, " When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me. ?
The lady from Timmins commented, " Well, isn't that fantastic? "
The first woman continued, " When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz. "
Again, the lady from Timmins commented, " Well, isn't that fantastic?
The first woman went on, " Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, Timmins lady commented," Well, isn't that fantastic?
The first woman then asked, " What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child? "
" My husband sent me to charm school, " declared the Timmins lady.
" Charm school? " the first woman cried, " What on earth could they
teach you?? "
The Timmins lady responded, "Well as an example... Instead of saying, 'Who gives a F...? ' I learned to say , ' Well, isn't that fantastic'!
That's it, back to work, I'm off outside to top up my tan because we have yet more sunshine - unbelievable!
' Well, isn't that fantastic'!
No doubt Masterpiece Theater will be in touch with her!
Posted by: Whitewall | Monday, 21 May 2018 at 11:51