Your Monday Funnies: 15.10.18

Bright and early this morning, well, early-ish!

Another medical breakthrough.

A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.

He asked if they were interested. Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband continued to experience no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the mailman dead on the porch.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there and then on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck and proceeded to serve up the breakfast.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's buggered."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each
other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was
finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered:

'Is that one word or two?'

 

That's your lot, busy morning today, back this afternoon.

 

 

Comments

[A. N. O'Mous]

Sir,

For your visual amusement:

https://flightaware.com/squawks/view/1/7_days/popular_new/69622/A_fun_mistake_on_Thomas_Cook_s_special_livery

[David Duff]

Thank you, Mr. O'mous, it was a true 'cock-up'!