Some corkers today, thanks to my little elves in the joke mine!
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So, she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, "Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!"
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, "Are you a patient of Dr. Bumbutu's?"
She said "Yes I am. How did you know?"
He winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock . . ."
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A refuse collector is going along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his dustcart.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back of the house, but still can't see it.
So, against the rules of the refuse collector's code but in the spirit of kindness, he knocks on the door. There's no answer.
Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again – much harder. Eventually a Japanese bloke comes to the door.
'Harro!' says the Japanese chappie.
'Gidday, mate! Where's ya bin?' asks the collector.
'I bin on toiret' explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the little foreign fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
'No mate, where's your dust bin?'
'I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man – still
perplexed.
'Listen,' says the collector. 'You're misunderstanding me.
Where's your w h e e l i e bin?'
'Ok. Ok ' replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin ...
'I wheelie bin havin sex wirra wife's sister!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest, while being set on fire.
No further studies are expected.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
(I have a suspicion that I might have told you this one before but there's no bore like and old bore, so here you go . . .
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
"I'll leave the key under the mat.
Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.
Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike.
He won't bother you."
"But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
"I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda 's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen.
But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied:
"Get him Spike!"
See - Men just don't listen!
Harro David! That suspicion of giving the same joke twice?
Well it wasn't the one featuring the parrot siccing Spike. Wheelie.
Posted by: JK | Monday, 22 October 2018 at 16:10
Yes it was.
Posted by: Andra | Tuesday, 23 October 2018 at 09:19
Wheelie?
Posted by: JK | Wednesday, 24 October 2018 at 03:02