Your Monday Funnies: 18.2.19

Glad tidings in that I am all recovered from my, er, upsets yesterday and so here are your 'funnies' for the week:

 

An Irishman, is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he
comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.  He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.  He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for
a little longer.

He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found
Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, oi I haven't found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in
The water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found
Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the
Preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'

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A Glasgow policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford car.

He radios for backup.

"What's the situation?"

"A big darkie is dancing on a Ford's roof."

You can't say that over the radio," replies the operator. "
You have to use the politically correct terminology"

“OK" he says:

"Zulu....Tango....Sierra"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

After my recent Prostate Exam at St Vincent’s Hospital,
which was one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had,
the Doctor left and the nurse came in.

As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....

She said...."Who Was That guy?"

 

That's it, back later.

 

 

Comments

[Whitewall]

Glad to hear your plumbing is in good order!

[JK]

Oh what the heck

http://www.ktlo.com/2019/02/19/arkansas-senate-names-bowie-knife-states-official-knife/

[JK]

http://www.ktlo.com/2019/02/19/arkansas-senate-names-bowie-knife-states-official-knife/

http://www.ktlo.com/2019/02/19/documents-man-thought-dog-was-spying-on-him-for-police/

[JK]

http://knuckledraggin.com/2019/02/special-forces-in-todays-army/

[Bob]

JK, the official Indiana eating utensil is the spoon.

[JK]

Well Bob,

A spoon maybe just fine for that terrapin soup y'all is known for favorin' but hardly worth putting on the placemat when it's froglegs that's the special of the day.

[Bob]

JK, it is if they're served with peas.