Your Monday Funnies: 25.2.19

Yes, yes, I know I'm late - again! - but I was despatched on shopping duties this morning by 'you know who'!  Need I say more?

 

CATHOLIC MORNING COFFEE

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS

When she walks into a room, people say, “ JESUS"!

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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,

"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."

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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad , what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

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First you forget names, then you forget faces.

Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse when you forget to pull it down!

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THE OLD RANCHER:

Mr. Peabody, the local banker, saw his old friend Tom, an 80-year-old
rancher, in town.  Tom had lost his wife the year before. Rumour had it he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.  Mr. Peabody asked Tom if the rumour was true. 

Tom replied, "Yes, it is true."

Mr. Peabody asked, "May I ask the age of your new bride to be?"

Tom replied, "She'll be 21 in November."

Mr. Peabody, being a wise man, knew the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an 80-year-old man.  Mr. Peabody wanted Tom's remaining years to be happy. So he tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for a hired hand that very afternoon.

Four months later, Mr. Peabody saw Tom in town again.

Mr. Peabody asked, "How is your new wife?"

Tom replied, "Good. She's pregnant."

Mr. Peabody was pleased his sage advice had worked out so well.
He asked, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too!"

Never underestimate old men!!!!!!

 

That's it - better late than never - and I heard that!

 

Comments

[Whitewall]

Worth the wait!

[Penseivat]

Five coffees in St Mark's Square? That's the Papal budget for the next 3 months gone!