Another fine selection from my 'joke cellar'!
The Queen & Dolly Parton Go To Heaven!
They die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then pees into a toilet and pulls the lever. The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of
God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.
(Oh well, there goes my Knighthood!)
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Tricky thing pronunciation!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!"
Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?"
Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful."
Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Shockin', shockin', get back to work immediately!
Recent Comments