DUFF & NONSENSE!

"Change UK" desperately needs to, er, change!

Here they are, or four of them anyway, with 'Big Chief' Chuka sitting next to Anna 'Sour-brie' who is gallantly attempting a smile as a change from her normal scowl.  What a pity they are not all in the photo thus recording the greatest collection of 'numpties' in the history of Parliament!

Sarah Wollaston, Chuka Umunna, Anna Soubry and Heidi Allen of Change UK

For the benefit of my non-Brit readers, this is roughly half of the 'Remainer' MPs who stomped off in a huff from their main political parties in order to form a new, dynamic grouping who would change the face of Britain when they led us in triumph to Brussels in order to, er, well, surrender, actually!

So off they marched a few weeks ago but gradually it has dawned on them that, actually, no-one is following!  As Isobel Hardman explains in The Coffee House:

Change UK has been holding post-mortem meetings about its failure to win any seats in last week’s European elections, I understand. Members of the newly-formed party met up this week to discuss what to do next after it only secured 3 per cent of the vote overall. [My emphasis]

Already, there are disputes between the individuals and so far no agreement on what their official policy will be.  I will be well and truly 'gobsmacked' if any of them are returned to Parliament after the next election - so not all bad then, especially if it includes Ms. 'Sour-brie'!

 

'Liberal Islam' - an oxymoron, surely!

Well, no, actually because there is a liberal Islam in existence although you will need to visit Rwanda to find it!  Of course, as you may recall there was a time not so long ago when Rwanda plumbed the depths of depravity in a civil war which resulted in millions of people being slaughtered by their own people.  Perhaps it takes mass butchery to nudge people towards a liberal, live and let live society.  A high price but at least such an outcome helps heal the wounds.

I am grateful - yet again! - to 'The Speccie' for pointing up this rarity in human affairs and introducing me to a truly extra-ordinary man, Sheikh Salim Hitimana.  He is the Mufti of Rwanda and thus the leader of the country's Islam-worshippers.  Not only is he a wise religious leader but also a shrewd operator.

‘Before the genocide, there were perhaps 200,000 Muslims in the country, and no Rwandans wanted to enter Islam,’ he says. During the genocide, Muslims stood out for refusing to take sides and for risking their lives to shelter those under attack. ‘People started to think: who are those people? Why don’t those people commit genocide like us? People became attracted to join us.’ The country’s Islamic population has grown fivefold, he says, to more than a million.

Also, he has recognised the two great defects that lace through the two contrary practitioners of Islamism:

The Mufti wants to preserve an Islam that adheres to scripture, without the new politicised elements of sartorial — and therefore social — control. ‘I introduced a religious fatwa against the niqab in 2016,’ he says proudly. ‘We saw that niqab abroad, but in Rwanda we have stopped it. Everything you have to practice here must be mentioned in the Quran.’ There’s nothing Islamic, he says, about the niqab — and Rwandan Muslims, he believes, do not have to look radically different from the rest of the population.

Rwandan Islam has followed the Shafi’i school of Islamic thought, which differs greatly from the harsher Hanafi, found in Pakistan, and Hanbali, found in Saudi Arabia. To understand Islam, it’s crucial to understand these distinctions.

He is, I would suggest, a good man and a wise man and perhaps eventually he might be one of those rarities, a recipient of a Nobel Peace Prize who really deserves it!

 

 

'Hoonoo'? Well, not me!

In mooching gently through various reports engendered by the breaking story that Martin Luther King was, in 'Pythonesque' terms, "a very naughty boy" I discovered a new fact which, of course, is hardly surprising given my general ignorance.  'Hoonoo', for example that MLK has a statue in Westminster Abbey?  Well, I didn't but even more surprising to me was that his statue is merely one amongst ten modern, er, 'saints' selected to have their statues placed in niches round the main entrance to the Abbey.  This occurred about twenty years ago.

What is even more embarrassing to an 'ignoramus' like me, is that MLK apart, I only recognised one of the names of the others - Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  Even so, I am not exactly sure what he did but I seem to recall that he was one of the few who offered vocal opposition to Hitler and his treatment of Jews.  Anyway, here is the entire list, and as I am on shopping duties this morning, I leave it to you to find who they are and why they qualify as, so to speak, 'latter day' saints:

MLK, Maximillian Kolbe; Dietrich Bonhoeffer; Manche Masemola (South Africa); Wang Zhiming; Grand Duchess Elizabeth of Russia (killed by revolutionaries); Bishop Luwum of Uganda (murdered by Idi Amin); Oscar Romero; Esther John (Pakistan); and Lucian Tapiedi (New Guinea).

My thanks to Randolph Parrish at The American Spectator.

 

 

I know, I know, I keep on promising but nothing much happens but stick around

Even so, now that Matteo Salvini, leader of Lega, the party that did even better in the European elections than 'our Nige' did here, is now determined to junk all those irritating German, ooops, sorry, European rules and regs and drive Italy down an economic Autostrada of his own choosing.  So, at long last my forecast that it would be Italy 'wot dunnit' could come to pass.  According to A E-P in The Telegraph, this will result in a monstrous financial and economic crash.  Back in the day, Greece was weak and feeble and easily bashed into line but Italy is Europe's second biggest manufacturer and:

“We’re not Greece,” said Claudio Borghi, Lega chairman of Italy’s house budget committee. “We are net contributors to the EU budget. We have a trade surplus and primary budget surplus. We don’t need anything from anybody. And we are in better shape than France.”

'Junck the drunk' and his useless, outgoing Commission has, within 48 hours, issued an ultimatum threatening dire consequences to Italy.  Good luck with that one, 'Junck', and no doubt you will enjoy handing over a smoking parcel to your successor!  For me, it will be like watching a really 'yuuuuuuge' pile up at Monza!

 

 

Mueller is a sinister and dangerous agent of The Big State

So, there were allegations of unlawful conduct by the President.

Special Investigator Mueller was appointed to investigate and provided with an enormous team and powers to back them up.

Two and a half years later, they found nothing, zilch, nada, a big fat zero! 

Then, in the past 48 hours, Mueller issues this statement:

“if we had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime we would have said that”.

In other words, Mueller implies that Trump is guilty as hell but, dammit, he couldn't actually find any proof - not a grain, not an iota, not a smidgeon - but what the hell, we all know the guy's as guilty as hell so let's string him up!

The high-pitched hum you can hear in the background is the sound of 'Atticus Finch' spinning in his literary grave.

Finally, a friendly word to my American e-pals.  Whilst Trump and his Republican cohorts can, no doubt, indulge in sundry sins of omission and commission, the current Democratic Party, with their insane, hysterical fury and stupidity, are capable of monstrous acts of wickedness which will change for ever the nature of your country!

 

 

An absolute 'must read'!

For those like me who are bemused at the flock of 'wannabe' Tory leaders, not least because I have never heard of most of them, I urge you all to read Allison Pearson's summary of the 'runners and riders' in this increasingly over-crowded field.  She is a shrewd judge, I think, and I give you her thoughts on my two favourites - by the way, 'Mick and Maureen' are two imaginary 'average punters':

9. Dominic Raab
The 45-year-old former Secretary for Exiting the European Union has moved swiftly to the front of the field without being particularly well-known. He has only been MP for Esher and Walton since 2010, but made an impression when he stormed out of the Brexit job after failing to persuade the PM to get on the front foot in the negotiations. He has the powerful patriotism of the outsider whose family Britain has welcomed (his paternal grandparents were Czech refugees and several of his father’s relatives were murdered at Auschwitz). The death of Raab’s father, from cancer, when he was 12, may have given him the drive to make things right, to reach the highest office. (Both John Major and Tony Blair lost their fathers around the same age.) Unlike most of his rivals, he was educated at state school. While reading law at Oxford he captained the karate club and boxed for the university. A cool customer with fire in his belly.

Mick and Maureen say: “Seems good, but we’d need to know him better before we make up our mind.” (8/10)

10. Boris Johnson
Needs no introduction, which is already a big plus. Written off as a disorganised buffoon by his critics, but still the only Conservative who reaches the parts others cannot. A taxi driver told me the other day that he had the former Foreign Secretary in the back of the cab and he asked him to pull over at a cashpoint. A crowd gathered within seconds and Boris was soon signing autographs for excited passers-by. This does not happen to politicians. Rumours that Boris is going vegan, under the influence of his new girlfriend, added to his disappointingly well-behaved haircut and curious references in his column to “kindness” may give cause for concern; activists look to Boris for red meat, not spiralised courgettes. For all his faults, the party may yet take a risk on its clown prince, the persuader who can rival Farage for sheer shameless box office.
Mick and Maureen say: “BORISSSS!” (8/10)

I am tending even further towards Raab especially as he has a Jewish background which, not definitely but usually, indicates some intelligence!

 

Who'd be a teacher?

Frankly, these days, with minimal discipline, zero means of punishment and militant parents, you would be better off stacking shelves in Sainsburys than being a teacher!  Those gloomy thoughts occurred this morning when, for no particular reason, I thought of my old maths teacher, Mr. Jones.  Fancy spending your life droning on and on about maths in the full and certain knowledge that 99% of your 'audience' were not the slightest bit interested!  In retrospect, I think Mr. Jones coped by simply blanking out his 'audience' by turning his back on them and, starting in the top, left-hand corner of the board which stretched nearly the width of the school-room and reciting a sort of running commentary, he filled it all the way to the bottom right-hand corner with screeds of equations.  That left us free to draw Spitfires or footballers and flirt with the burgeoning young girls who shared our class-room.  Needless to say, none of learned much about mathematics!

Even so, being something of a pontificating old bore - don't say it or you will get a hundred lines! -  on subjects which interest me, say, history or Shakespeare, there is part of me that would love to be a teacher.  My enthusiasm for those subjects would drive me on and on … but how long, I wonder, would I be able to maintain my enthusiasm when it became clear that my 'audience' were bored to tears by it all?  And of course, these days, I gather there is virtually nothing in the way of suitably harsh - and I do mean harsh! - punishment to keep the wretched pupils in order! 

I had a very brief experience of what it is like to be a teacher when I used to give my talks - you can see the details in the top, left-hand corner of my blog under the heading "Speakers Corner" - but the similarities to being a real teacher were very slight.  For a start, I was dealing with adults, not children, and they were actually paying me to bore them teach them, so in a sense they were volunteers, not 'pressed men'!  Even so, after a while I would see eye-lids beginning to close, or some faces turning yearningly towards the windows!  And of course, my very occasional hour here and there was nothing compared to full-time teaching.  Even so, all I can do is repeat the title of this post - "Who'd be a teacher?"

 

 

Peut-être, mini-Macron is really maxi-Macron!

In my usual lazy way I took the instant headlines at face value and assumed that mini-Macron had been given a slap by Marine Le Pen in the EU elections last week. Pas du tout, according to Gavin Mortimer at The Coffee House and his opinions are worth something given that he lives in France.  His opening paragraph sums it up with my emphasis added:

If there’s one politician in Europe as triumphant as Nigel Farage right now it’s Emmanuel Macron. The European election results were not, as many outside France have declared, a humiliation for the French president. On the contrary, they were a success. Publicly the Elysée described the result as “honourable”, but in private the president was reportedly cock-a-hoop. “Basically, we’ve won, it’s a triumph and Macron is jubilant,” said one of his staff.

Of course, like every other nation France and its leader have their problems but, on the whole, according to Mr. Mortimer, Macron is sitting very comfortably.  I do hope so because he is so virulently opposed to giving Britain even the pickings of his nose to assist our Brexit that he could clinch what I personally desire, a no deal Brexit!

 

In which I offer myself as the next leader of the Conservative party

Well, everyone else and his uncle (or aunt) are pushing themselves forward for the job, so why not me?  True, I may not win but at least I will get my five minutes seconds of fame like the rest of them!  Why do they bother?  Is it just to increase from zero to 0.1 their name recognition amongst the Great British Public?  Well, at least I have a hundred or so followers on this blog which makes me more 'famous' than most of the nonentities in the Tory party jumping up and down and squeaking, "Me! Me! Me!"

Also, I would really get things done!  For a start, as Prime Minister I would immediately execute most of the Labour party, all of the 'il-Lib-non-Dems', that dreary, wet, Greenie woman and most of those incomprehensible Scot-Nats.  To show my even-handed approach, I would also order the elimination of several leading Tories, starting with that fat, saggy, old 'has been', Ken Clarke, closely followed by that smug, smooth, slippery operator, Dominic Grieve - well, he's a lawyer by trade so no-one will grieve for him - Ho-Ho, very witty Wilde!  I will spare that ghastly, little up-start, John Bercow, who is an embarrassment to the whole country in his role as Speaker.  Instead of execution, I will have his vocal chords removed by surgery so he cannot speak and then have him chained up outside Parliament to caper for the tourists - which is more or less what he does now!

Oh hell, it's nearly ten - things to do - people to see - I must get on.  Still, a man may dream, may he not?

 

 

Martin Luther King NOT a saint after all - 'shlock-horror'!

Well, of course he was not a saint, he was a man!  And, as 'as any fule do no', saints are as rare as snow flakes in hell which, of course, is not to say that MLK was a bad man.  No, he was just a man with the usual mix of 'vice and virtue' but the courage and tenacity with which he fought his long and dangerous campaign entitles him to be described as both courageous and dedicated.  He brought about a revolution in America without firing a shot!  Even so, revolutions, with or without shots, rarely occur without cost.  In his case the cost included his life! 

Needless to say, any revolution instantly produces an 'army' of resistors who will stoop to any tactic to bring down the trouble-maker.  A raft of stories will be released denigrating the character of the culprit and some will be false and others true.  Also, if the revolutionary becomes famous around the world then the stories will not cease with his death.  Thus has it been for MLK and the latest, rather disgusting, details of his sex life have appeared in a biography by a hitherto distinguished historian called David Garrow.  

As Ms. Monica Showalter points out in The American Thinker, these alleged revelations pose something of a problem to the Left in America who are always exceedingly happy to tear down statues and disfigure monuments of historical figures who failed their 21st century 'woke' test!  Will they now mount a campaign against MLK for indulging in a sort of '#MeeToo' life style?  Possibly, they're certainly dumb enough!

This bit of Shakespeare occurred to me:

“The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones.”

 

 

Memorial Day, USA

I had no idea so I am grateful to Mr. Jay Cost at The National Review for teaching me that the last Monday in May, in other words today, is set aside in America as Memorial Day to acknowledge the sacrifices of their servicemen who perished on duty in sundry wars and conflicts.  So far, so good, but as this painting indicates, the first sacrifices were made against us, their British cousins.  Shockin', shockin'!

The March to Valley Forge, 1883, by William Trego (Wikimedia)

Heavens to Betsy it was actually a revolution against good, ol' King George III who, I am assured, was a very decent, old chap although, to be honest, he was subject to the odd fit of insanity.  Also, he was awfully hard up and really needed the money he tried to raise off those 'fat cats' in Boston.  Honestly, there was no gratitude back in those days!  Anyway, after considerable sacrifices of the ultimate kind by the new American army - and navy (in case 'JK' is reading this) - we Brits grumped off back home and invaded India instead which was, on the whole, much easier to run!

All that was a light-hearted piece of nonsense which should not be taken seriously.  The serious fact is that countless American servicemen and women have given their lives since then, mostly in noble causes and it is entirely right that they should be memorialised by their own kith and kin.  We in this country have much to be grateful for in their sacrifices and so, metaphorically, I salute them on this solemn day.

 

 

Dammit! Janet Daley has said it all - and so much better than me!

Since early morning as the election results came in I have been mulling over in my mind the words of wisdom - don't say it! - I intended to impart to you this morning - and then I read Janet Daley in The Telegraph!  Instantly, my favourite 'Noo Yawk' expression entered my head - "Faggettaboutit!"  In just her first two paragraphs she sums it up:

Message to all those demanding a second referendum: you’ve just had it. Or, at least, you’ve had the clearest possible indication of what its result would be.

After three years of sound and fury, bloodcurdling threats, diatribe and disputation the country’s position is – almost exactly where it was three years ago. [My emphasis]  The share of the vote won by the brand new party which argues for the hardest possible Brexit is virtually identical to the combined votes of the two parties, the Lib Dems and Greens, who support Remain. 

Exactly so and I urge you all to read her entire column.

For me, the most important result is that both the Tories and Labour have received an almighty kick in the groin.  The message from the electorate, in street jargon, is crystal clear - "Don't mess with us, bro!"  Dare I say that I am actually exceedingly grateful to the EU for providing this otherwise useless and pointless 'election' which, at last, has given 'us, the Peeps' an opportunity to express our views without the need for all that messy street demo stuff.

Even so, as 'My Darling Jane' indicates, nothing has changed.  The country is divided almost exactly as it was during the referendum, roughly 52 - 48.  However, the collateral damage inflicted on both the Tories and Labour is of such magnitude that what passes for their group minds will, like a hanging in the morning, concentrate them wonderfully!  The most important is the Tory mind-set because they are actually in government and about to choose a new Prime Minister.  Boris appears to be favourite but, as we have just seen, we live in strange times.  Who-ever they choose needs to be a fervent Brexiteer but equally, an intelligent Brexiteer. 

As y'all do know, I have always been in favour of Brexit and I always suspected that a deal with the Brussels' hierarchy was never going to happen.  Thus, the first thing the new Prime Minister needs to do is face that reality square on and galvanise the planning for a 'No Deal' exit in October.  The first thing he, or she, should do is appoint an equally fervent Brexiteer as 'Minister for a No Deal Brexit' with over-riding powers to organise the country in preparation.  This will allow some time and space for the new PM to execute the next most important task - re-setting the Tory party  philosophy.  He or she needs to ask, what is the Tory party for?  What are its guiding principles and aims?  Having decided, these must be driven through with passion and purpose.

Finally, it would be churlish of me to end this post without expressing my profound gratitude to the most extra-ordinary politican since Margaret Thatcher.  What Nigel Farage has achieved, virtually single-handed, against the monstrous, bureaucratic stodge at the top of our country is almost unbelievable.  If anyone deserves an Earldom, or some such, it is him!

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 26.5.19

Hey-ho, it's off to the races!   The runners and riders for the Tory Party Classic are forming up and you will never see a bigger collection of monstrous and deluded egos, er, outside of the candidates' list for the Democratic Party, of course!  I have lost count of the number of hopeless dreamers who have rushed forward to offer their names.  I have never heard of most of them.  Why do they do it?  Well, as W. C. Fields never said, but should have, "You'll never go broke over-estimating the egos of politicians!" 

 

Peter Hitchens makes uncomfortable reading:   So no change there then!  His column in today's Mail begins thus:

If your car breaks down and won’t go, do you think you will solve the problem by giving it a new coat of paint? Not unless you are very stupid. So why does anyone think that ditching Theresa May and replacing her with Al ‘Boris’ Johnson will make any important difference?

If you are a Tory party supporter, have a large whiskey to hand when you read him!

 

'MDK' obviously needs me:  Of course, I am referring to My Darling Keeley Hawes who, er, 'smote' me when I first saw her in an early series of "Line of Duty" during which, alas, she was shot dead!

She isn't a classic beauty but there is just something about her that 'presses my buttons', so to speak!  Looking at that photo, it may be the way her upper lip very slightly protrudes over her lower lip which gives her an air of vulnerability.  Anyway, according to The Mail, she has confessed to suffering with frequent depression.  The solution, 'My Darling Keeley', is only a 'phone call away!  (Er, not a word to the 'Memsahib', chaps!)

 

There's trouble brewin' on them thar prairies:   Greenies vs. cowboys, according to The Telegraph which reports that some 'yuuuuuuge' conservation group wants to buy 'zillions' of acres of prairieland in Montana and re-introduce native animals to the area, such as bison, elk and prairie dogs.  The cowboys are not amused because they say it will put them out of business.  See y'all soon down at the 'OK corral'! 

 

Oh no, I'm in love again!   This time the lucky lady is Ms. Madeleine Kearns and I needs must tread carefully because she hails from Glasgow - or 'Glesga', as our friend Jimmy would have it! - although she is now based 'over there' and is learning journalism at The National Review Institute, an excellent choice.  She has written a review of two feminised Shakespeare productions in New York and they are shrewd and perceptive.  Go, girl, go!

 

Where's that damned crafty Frenchman hiding?   No, no, not 'mini-Macron', I mean Talleyrand.  I came across his name the other day when I was up here cruising the net, ooops, sorry, I mean tidying my attic, of course!  Anyway, his name popped up somewhere and as I have a weakness for wily statesmen, which is why I am enjoying Thomas Cromwell's life so much, it reminded me that I had an excellent biography of Talleyrand - somewhere!  Can I find it?  Can I hell!

 

(Sir) Lewis wins again!   What an incredible driver he is!  Surely now, the greatest of them all.  Mind you, Monaco has to be the most boring race of the season.  It is virtually impossible to overtake so that makes the practice sessions more interesting and exciting than the race!  Even so, how those guys thread their cars through the narrow, twisty streets is quite incredible.

 

No more rumbles 

 

 

I hope Mrs. May isn't reading The Telegraph today

Well, to be honest, I doubt that she has read it for years, certainly not whilst she was PM.  My guess is that she is more at home with The Independent or The Guardian.  Anyway, today sundry commentators are lining up to put the boot into the wretched woman and whilst I dislike extreme political bullying she absolutely deserves what she is getting today because, almost alone and single-handed, she brought disaster down on her own silly, stubborn head - and on her own country!

Ms. Sherelle Jacobs is a lady but she pulls no punches.  Even so, she is shrewd enough to spread the blame over the majority of the Tory party itself:

“Impotent” will be the epithet of Mrs May, but the affliction is institutional. From the disastrous election of 2017 and the day the PM unveiled her deal at Chequers, to the three thumping defeats of the Withdrawal Agreement, the Cabinet and the 1922 Committee have slithered out of countless opportunities to oust her, as the spiralling crisis only crystallised their cowardice.

I think, I hope, that a thumping majority of the people of Britain recognised this last Thursday and that tomorrow, when the European election results are announced, it will be crystal clear to the dimmest of dim Tory MPs that if they continue to flout the wishes of the majority of the British public "There will be blood" and it will be Tory blood!

'MDJ', aka'My Darling Janet (Daley) puts it this way:

We desperately need grown-ups now. Whoever is to fill this immediate vacuum – and all those who even declare themselves willing to make the attempt – will have to meet this absolutely indispensable requirement.
Every word they utter and every move they make will have to be judicious, responsible and generous.

Assuming that the next leader has been – because this must be the case – committed absolutely to leaving the EU, the generosity is particularly crucial: it will have to extend even to implacable critics, and to the irreconcilable Remain contingent in Parliament and in the country.
Reconciliation – which is not the same thing as compromise – must be paramount.  [My emphasis]

Charles Moore, former Editor of The Spectator, offers this shrewd comment:

I kept saying to myself, “beware of pity”. It was sad to watch someone who has tried so hard being forced to admit defeat, and painful to see the tears start into her eyes.  But I still say “Beware of pity” because, if Theresa May’s account of what went wrong is accepted, the same mistakes will be repeated.

Mrs May quoted the late, great rescuer of children from the Nazis, Sir Nicholas Winton, “Never forget that compromise is not a dirty word”.
Indeed. But she never did compromise with differing views about Brexit within her party and agree a negotiating position.

Instead, she developed a position in secret, and did not sell it frankly for what it was. The whole thing, including the dreaded backstop, was her way of staying in a version of the Customs Union, but she would not admit it.
Her often repeated statement that “No deal is better than a bad deal” was insincere. Brussels knew it, so they knew they could squash her.

So, alas, the next crucial decision will be taken by the Tory party - God help us! - when they choose her successor.  Fasten your seat belts!

 

 

 

The Dems really are dumber than a really dumb thing!

It is always exceedingly worrying when a normally fairly staid political party goes into hysterical meltdown but that, alas, appears to be the turn taken by the Democratic Party since their 'Holy' icon, 'HillBilly', was not just defeated but - 'shlock-horror!' - was defeated by a clown-like opponent with absolutely no class or political experience whatsoever!  Mind you, if their eye-balls are swivelling now, they had better brace up because a nuclear-level shock-wave is approaching over the horizon and should reach maximum force during the run-up to the next Presidential election.

With brilliant timing, 'The Donald' has authorised this statement:

Today, at the request and recommendation of the Attorney General of the United States, President Donald J. Trump directed the intelligence community to quickly and fully cooperate with the Attorney General’s investigation into surveillance activities during the 2016 Presidential election.

The Attorney General has also been delegated full and complete authority to declassify information pertaining to this investigation, in accordance with the long-established standards for handling classified information. Today’s action will help ensure that all Americans learn the truth about the events that occurred, and the actions that were taken, during the last Presidential election and will restore confidence in our public institutions.  [My emphasis]

The delicious irony oozing from this action is almost impossible to describe.  The 'Dumb Dems' went into a frenzy when they realised that, against all the odds and expectations, 'HillBilly' lost the election and without thinking they launched a spectacular campaign to allege that, in Brit cockney language, "It woz the Russians wot dunnit!"  With, dare I say, a 'yuuuuuuge' fanfare they introduced us to their 'fav' 'Prosecuter-General', the mighty Robert Mueller who, living up (or down - you choose!) to his ruthless reputation for investigating every single nook and cranny found, after two and half years, er, well, nothing, actually!

Not satisfied with that utter fiasco, the 'Dumb Dems' also attempted to mount a ludicrous and despicable attack on a decent man whom Trump had nominated for the Supreme Court.  Within days it become clear to all but the politically purblind that the whole campaign was a vicious and dirty set-up.  By now they are dribbling at the mouth in their inchoate fury and appear determined to try and actually impeach the President of the United States!   Every one makes mistakes but the biggest and the dumbest is to carry on repeating them.

Over the next year, President Trump, via his 'hit-man' A-G, will out-do Mueller in digging deep into Dem behaviour before and during the last election and, with security restrictions lifted, he will shine a searchlight into their nefarious practices which should go down like a pile of 'brown stuff' with American voters.  Yes, like all men, Trump is flawed but compared to 'HillBilly' and the rest of the loons and crooks running the Democratic Party, he is a veritable 'angel'!

 

 

 

The times, they really are a-changin'!

I still remember vividly learning via the BBC that Everest had finally been conquered by Edmond Hillary and Sherpa Tensing Norgay.  The news broke, happily, on the morning of Queen Elizabeth's coronation at which, as a 14 year-old Air Cadet, I was privileged to be a spectator just outside Buckingham Palace.  I am quite certain that 'Her Maj' spotted me in the crowd and offered a gracious wave in my direction!  It was 66 years ago, a different time and a very different world.  It was an amazing feat by two extra-ordinary men but, oh dear, how things have changed!

This photo from The Daily Telegraph illustrates the difference better than any words:

A photo taken on 22 May 2019 shows heavy traffic of mountain climbers lining up to stand at the summit of Mount Everest Credit: AFP 

Today there are actually queues of people waiting to reach the summit.  All they need are some wily 'char-wallas' working the crowds in order to earn a ruppee or three!  I can't explain it but somehow I found this news deeply depressing.  For me, a truly magical moment from the past is ruined.

 

 

Time to Mann-up!

As I have mentioned before several times, I am exceedingly leery of the American justice system.  Of course, it is 'yuuuuuuuge' and therefor bound to throw up anomalies and contradictions and dodgy decisions but perhaps worst of all, it can be excessively long-winded and dilatory. Take The National Review (and Mark Steyn, too, come to that!) vs. Michael E. Mann, the 'inventor' of the 'Hockey Stick' chart which proves - absolutely and definitely proves, I tell you - that man-made global warming really and truly and cross my heart and wish to die, is occurring!  

Michael E. Mann took exception when the NR and Steyn stuck two fingers up in his direction and shouted, in effect, "Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!"   He opened court proceedings against both parties which were mounted in the DC circuit, so hardly out in the boondocks, and yet both cases, despite urgings from the NR, and Steyn, are still unheard and are about to enter their eighth year!  That is a national disgrace for a country that claims it has the greatest judicial system in the world!

 

 

Has she gone yet?

As an ex-actor, even as amateurish as I was, I do understand the urge to spin out your best scenes and lines for as long as possible but, Darling Theresa, yours is the longest exit in Parliamentary history!  Things weren't going too well from the opening curtain but the minute you delivered those memorable lines years ago about "Brexit means Brexit" you have been 'dead woman walking', or rather, tottering in that strange gait of yours.  Anyway, it's over, you're history, although I doubt whether your 'performance' will rate much more than a footnote in the history books to come.

In the meantime, we needs must ponder on who is best to replace her.  Hmmmmn, tricky one that!  Boris is, apparently, the favourite but why do I hesitate even though he claims to be an ardent Brexiteer?  Most of the (so-called) experts in the media point to his somewhat shambolic private life and his whim-impelled ability to suddenly change course.  Well, it would make for 'interesting times' but, by and large and on the whole, I think I prefer calm and constant times!

As for the remainder of the herd, I simply do not know enough to judge them.  Hunt is, or appears to be, calm and steadfast but I'm not sure what he stands for.  I had hopes for Sajid but he seems prone to wobbles from time to time.  Dominic Raab impressed me recently but for the life of me I can't remember why!  I suppose the best one can hope for is a Tory leader who can expose Corbyn for the terrorist-loving monster he is.  Well, we shall see what we shall see - but I just hope it's sooner rather than later!

ADDITIONAL:    It's June 7th - HOORAH!

 

 

So that should clinch it for 'our Nige'!

Yes indeed, where I lead, zillions follow, so that should clinch a 'yuuuuuuuge' majority win for the 'Brexit Party' in today's European elections because I have just returned from our village hall where I voted - natch! - for 'our Nige'.  To be honest, this is the first time I have ever voted in a European election because until now I considered it a waste of time and effort.  And again, to be honest, until now I saw no way of assisting in the political annihilation of the wretched Mrs. May.  This now appears to be a certainty and in a few days she will be 'dead woman walking' - and good riddance!

Of course, the main event is yet to come which will be the next general election in Britain.  The Tories are, perhaps (but again, perhaps not given their stupidity), now going to be forced into deciding whether to ditch the wretched May and follow the people's lead towards the European exit with or without the non-deal the Europeans have tossed to us, or will they persist with their ludicrous effort to be all things to all men.  The British people will watch closely and having (I hope) given the Tories a gashing wound today, their second stroke at the next election will be final and fatal!

 

 

The Lords of the Admiralty caper like idiots!

It is often an error to write of something about which you know next to nothing but - hey! - I'm used to it as y'all do know!  And that bring me neatly onto the subject of the dismissal of Commodore Nick Cooke-Priest RN, hitherto the commander of Britain's one and only modern, multi-zillion, 'whizzy-do' aircraft carrier although I am not too sure if it actually has any aircraft yet!  Apparently, 'the Skipper', as I shall refer to him, committed the egregious crime of using his official car to drive himself home at weekends - even though he paid for the petrol!  Yes, I know, shockin', shockin' but even so, as I am sure 'JK' and 'AussieD' will confirm, in the gamut of 'crimes and midemeanours' carried out by matelots of all ranks, driving home in your 'official' car hardly deserves 20 lashes, or the modern equivalent of that punishment, being summarilly dismissed from your command.  Surely a quiet word in the Skipper's ear or maybe a small fine would have been sufficient.  Perhaps our beloved, scrofulous, dandruff-ridden hacks from the appropriately-named 'Fleet Street' should take a long hard look at the perks enjoyed by our less than mighty Lords of the Admiralty!

 

 

So farewell then, Niki Lauda, I salute your memory

'Back in the day', F1 motor racing was truly a very dangerous activity.  During the years from 1970-79 when I was something of a fan, eight drivers were killed whilst racing in Grand Prix.  It was in that period when one of the greatest drivers, Niki Lauda, rose to prominence particularly during his epic duel with James Hunt. 

Niki Lauda on the red carpet at the West End premiere of Rush in 2013 Credit: Getty Images 

Alas, in 1976, Lauda was involved in a massive crash which left him trapped in a blazing car until a very brave man rescued him.  Despite his injuries which plagued him for the rest of his life and caused the Last Rites to be read over him in hospital at the time, he was back to racing in a matter of weeks.  He went on to win two more World Chamionships before eventually retiring.  A truly great racer and, by all accounts in his obits, a good man.

 

 

This Parliamentary farce will run longer than 'Game of Thrones'!

And so they drone on and on and on in Westminster, not once, not twice, not thrice but now for the fourth time and pulling the creaking (non)Brexit wagon along is that donkey, Mrs. Theresa May.  In certain circumstances her stubbornness might have been praise worthy but it has been clear for all, except her, to see that the House will never agree even on the number of commas in her pathetic, so-called 'Brexit plan'.  I am left wondering what is driving her on in the face of such adversity.  I would like to say that it was courage but, alas, I fear it is simply donkey-like stupidity combined with over-weening ambition and love of power and position.  She is, quite simply, determined to avoid facing what is to her unthinkable, that is, resigning and handing over the keys to No.10 to some other self-delusional cretin who thinks that, Canute-like, they can achieve the impossible!

Mind you, her glue-like determination to hang on in there has one great advantage - it moves us closer to the 'No Deal' option which was, is and always will be, not just the very best option but the only option!  At the risk of repeating myself - who 'moi'? - let me say, yet again, that the Euros will never, ever make a deal that would allow us to depart peacefully.  I don't blame them for that because we are, after all, a nice, fat 'milch cow' on which they can suckle comfortably.  For example, today British Steel has just collapsed despite the pound dropping in value since 2016 which should have made our steel cheaper on international markets.  However, as Ross Clark points out at The Coffee House, that was not enough to defend against the flood of (subsidised) steel from China.  Even so, the EU 'apparat' has done everything it can to strangle British Steel:

The final trigger for British Steel’s collapse into administration, however, was not low steel prices but arguably a demand from the EU for £120 million worth of payments under its Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS) – which is supposed to provide an incentive for heavy polluters to cut their carbon emissions.

Under the scheme, heavy industries which face international competition are given free allowances of carbon credits to meet the EU demands – a circular economy of paper which does rather little to help the planet.

The trouble for British Steel is that while Britain has agreed to remain bound by the ETS until December 2020, the EU has decided to stop issuing free allowances to UK firms – at least until we have voted to ratify the EU withdrawal agreement. In other words, British companies still have to make payments under the ETS scheme, but no longer receive the free carbon credits to help them meet their bills.  [My emphasis]

With 'friends' like that, who needs enemies?

 

ADDITIONAL:    An excellent explanation of the 'Theresa May phenomenon' by Andrew Lilico in The Telegraph.  Well worth a read if you are as non-plussed as me!

 

 

 

'Sahib' Chaplin still makes 'em laugh!

As y'all do know, I have a great fondness for genuine eccentricity and the sillier it is the more I like it.  Well, they don't come much sillier and eccentric than in the Gujurati town of Adipur somewhere in the middle of India.  According to The Telegraph, every year on April 16th the people of Adipur dress up as Charlie Chaplin and have a parade and a party.

Young residents enjoy the celebration   Credit: GETTY

You will need to read the original article to find out how all this arose but as so often with these sorts of eccentricities it all began years ago by some Indian 'nutter' with an obsession for Charlie Chaplin.  Good for him and I hope the people of Adipur continue to enjoy their eccentricity for many a year.

 

 

He said, she said and so it goes on and on and on . . .

This is truly delicious!  If there were a dozen leading officials and politicians in 'Obamarama's' cabal then you would have two dozen different stories!  The latest involves that slimy, former Director of the FBI, James Comey and that sinister, former Attorney General Loretta Lynch.  This time, for a change, it does not concern 'The Donald' but instead it hinges on the Hillary Clinton email investigation - remember that one?  'HillBilly' hopes you have forgotten about it but it is such an enormous, stinking heap of putrescence that the smell simply will not go away.

According to Comey, via Zero Hedge:

While testifying last year at a closed-door House Oversight Committee hearing last June, Comey said Lynch had pressured him to minimize the significance of the Clinton email probe [my emphasis] - an encounter which he says left him questioning her impartiality, and - along with Lynch's clandestine tarmac meeting on a hot summer's day in 2016 - contributed to his decision to hold a July 2016 press conference announcing the FBI's conclusions. 

Ms. Lynch, on the other hand, with her amour propre burnished to a gloss, denied it all and suggested that Comey was 'a lying, dirty rat', or something like that:

Lynch, meanwhile, told congressional the House Oversight and Judiciary committees on December 19: "I did not. I have never instructed a witness as to what to say specifically. Never have, never will."
"I didn't direct anyone to use specific phraseology. When the Director asked me how to best to handle that, I said: What I have been saying is we have received a referral and we are working on the matter, working on the issue, or we have all the resources we need to handle the matter, handle the issue. So that was the suggestion that I made to him," Lynch added - telling lawmakers that she was "quite surprised" to hear how Comey would later describe the conversation "because that was not how it was conveyed to him, certainly not how it was intended."

Bear in mind that these are the two top officials in 'Obamarama's', er, so-called Justice and Investigation departments.  One is tempted, at this point to quote 'HillBilly' at her worst when discussing the deaths of several American diplomats on her watch:

"What difference, at this point, does it make?"

 

 

 

Oh no, not more books . . . !

I may have mentioned before that a neighbour/friend and I swap periodicals.  I give him The Spectator and he gives me The Saturday Review section of The Times.  I have just opened, rather late, the last edition he gave me and what do I discover?  Books, more books and even more books!  Following my recent birthday, the books surrounding my armchair look like the Berlin wall!  Will I live long enough to read them, I wonder?  So I need more books like a hole in the head but - dammit! - they are so tempting.

For a start there is "The British Are Coming: The War for America 1775-77" by Rick Atkinson.  The Times gives it a rave review but, of course, this volume of only - only!!! - 550 pages merely covers the first two years!  Apparently two more volumes are expected later.  My first thought was my old Jewish accountant's favourite expression, "I should live so long my life already!"  Next up was "Working with Winston: The Unsung Women Behind Britain's Greatest Statesman" by Cita Stelzer.  This is based on the numerous ladies who provided secretarial skills for 'Winnie'.  There is a great truth that if you really want to know about a 'great man', ask his valet!  In this case, I'm sure the ladies in the Churchillian 'back-office' can provide some classic insights.

Finally, there is a review of a man hitherto unknown to me and I sincerely hope he stays that way!  I refer to the late Mr. Richard Holbrooke, an American, er, 'political advisor' who seems to have been up to his elbows in every bloody American conflagration from Vietnam onwards!  From the various reviews I have skimmed, nobody liked him because he was, in the main, an enormous pain in the arse!  Mind you, his life story, "Our Man: Richard Holbrooke and the End of the American Century" might throw some sonsiderable light onto American foreign affairs, so perhaps I will keep it book-marked!

 

 

What exactly did 'Change UK' change to?

For the benefit of my foreign readers, and I suspect, several of my Brit readers, too, I should explain that 'Change UK' is the name - well, it was yesterday but who knows today? - of a political group - it is still not exactly a party - formed from sundry malcontents from all the main Parliamentary parties who huffed off a couple of months ago.  I think, at the last count there were 7 or 8 of them, all sort of human, except Anna 'Sour Brie' Soubry who is obviously a wind-up toy!  They are led, if that is quite the right word, by that dopey, black bloke called 'Chuck Yer Munna', or something like that!

Anyway, I have been keeping a careful eye open to try and discern what they are actually for!  So far, it appears, the only thing they agree on - although I'm not too sure about 'Sour Brie' who never agrees with anyone on anything - is that they want to revoke Article 50 which was passed by Parliament with an enormous majority only a couple of years ago.  Good luck with that one, 'Chuk Yer Munna', and in the unlikely event that you get your way, stand by for riots on the streets - led by me!

 

 

Right, pay attention all you Tory voters!

Next Thursday, you will all get fell in, tallest on the right, shortest on the left, and on my word of command you will proceed in an orderly way to your nearest polling station.  Once there, and again on my word of command, you will carry out a full-blooded massacre of the Tory party!  No mercy is to be shown, all of them, without exception, are to be chopped off at the knees and left to crawl back on their stumps to Tory HQ!  You will achieve this by voting for almost anyone else, er, except Labour, but allow me to nudge you in the direction of the new Brexit Party which is an excellent place to start.  However, if necessary, choose 'The Monster Raving Loony Party' but just remember that our motto is - Anyone But Tory!

There is already a certain amount of sweat being raised in Tory circles, especially in Parliament, but now you must seize the chance and induce total moral panic!  Your average Tory MP is a gutless creature and if you demonstrate utter ruthlessness on Thursday you will be amazed how quickly they will turn their coats on that wretched woman and her euro-weeny cohorts and steer our government towards a straightforward, no deal Brexit!

 

 

Your Monday Funnies: 20.5.19

Some corkers today to get you wage slaves started for the week!

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.  Inside, he finds a couple in bed.  He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the home owner’s wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.  If he wants sex. Don’t resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.  Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.  This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.  Be strong, honey. I love you!'

His wife responds: ‘He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.  He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.  I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too.'

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.  So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy".

 

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"


"Like I'm talking to a fxxking wall"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 



RECENT RESEARCH SHOWS THAT THERE ARE 5 STAGES OF SEX ...

The 1st stage of sex is Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face .

The 2nd stage of sex is Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd stage of sex is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex in your bedroom.

The 4th stage of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "Screw You".

The 5th and final stage of sex is Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

That's it - better get back to work!

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 19.5.19

Bright and relatively early this morning:   Despite having enjoyed an exceedingly pleasant dinner with 'SoD' and his lovely lady at a local Italian restaurant.  Amongst other things, 'SoD' gave me a Regimental tie - made of silk!  Ultra smart and that forced me to smarten up my appearance last night from my usual 'scruffy, old geezer' look, a mode which, to my surprise, seems not to have taken off in the fashion world!

 

Let's hear it - again - for the Aussies:    Excellent news from 'down under there' where the Lefty-loons have been treated more or less like any visiting English cricket team - bowled out with a pathetic score!  Will the (non)Democratic Party in America face the same outcome 'over there' next year?  I suspect they will, not least because there is a growing 'shit-storm' building up over their shennanigans prior to the last Presidential election.  Take cover!

 

Sort of good but also sort of sad:   Yesterday I gave myself a break from the machinations of 'our Tom' Cromwell and 'our King 'Arry' and I began to read a few pages from Antony Beevor's latest book, "Arnhem".  Already, I just know it is going to be excellent history but, alas, also 'yuuuuuugely' depressing!  In many ways, Montgomery was an excellent fighting General but why did the bombastic, little prat have to emulate the equally obtuse Gen. Patten and thereby produce even greater military cock-ups?

 

As usual, Peter Hitchens tells it the way it really is:   There has been much 'huffin' 'n' puffin'' from all quarters on the ludicrous state of affairs in which 70-year old veterans are being prosecuted 40+ years after the events whilst their murderous IRA opponents were given 'carte blanche' protection from the law.  Hitchens sums it up thus:

I shall keep saying this until it sinks in. The United Kingdom surrendered to the Provisional IRA, under heavy American pressure, in 1998, and the persecution of British soldiers was part of the terms of that surrender. The Tory Party supported the nauseatingly named ‘Good Friday Agreement’ at the time and still defends it.

 

Hurrah, Britain finished bottom!   Thank God for that, Britain finished last in the Eurovision song contest!  I don't think I have ever heard even a semi-decent song from that ghastly chorus of no-talent morons so perhaps the 'galumps' who keep entering us will realise that even if Cole Porter wrote our songs and Frank Sinatra sang them, the Euros will never vote for us because they detest us!  When the realisation occurs, please tell Mrs. May the same attitude prevails on our (non)Brexit talks!

 

Dominic Cavendish needs to 'man up'!   Cavendish is the theatre critic of The Telegraph and I have just read his mealy-mouthed, pathetic critique of the feminised Henry IV at The Globe Theatre, about which I 'grumped' a few days ago.  This photo sums it up:

Sarah Amankwah in a scene from Henry IV, Part II Credit: Tristram Kenton

Cavendish, with his 'oh so metropolitan sensibilities' describes Ms. Amankwah as "a woman of colour".  No she's not, Dominic, darling, she's black!  We're all 'coloured' in different pigments so just spell it out, you know, as in "Tell truth and shame the devil".

 

And another two books!   These delivered by 'SoD', so thanks be to him!  One is serious and the other is hilarious.  The serious one is The Europe Illusion: Britain, France, Germany and the Long History of European Integration by Stuart Sweeney.  It commences from 1648 so it looks like a long read - which is ecellent.  The other, gifted to me at my own request, is seriously serious history!  I continually quote one of its key phrases, "A Good Thing" and "A Bad Thing" and, of course, that comes from "1066 and All That" by the renowned historians - no, honestly! - W.G.Sellar and R.J.Yeatman.  It must be over 60 years since I last read it and at the time it left my crying with laughter.  So thanks, 'SoD', you're a diamond!  An example:

                                     Chapter XLIII

                                               India

It was in the 18th century that Indian history started.  Indian History is a great number of wars in which the English fought against the Waratah Confederacy and various kinds of potentates called Sahibs, Wallahs, Jahs, Rajahs, Hurrahjas, Mahhurrahjas, Jhams and Jhellies.  Most memorable amongst these were the terrible Napoo Sahib, the Maharrata of Pshaw, the Chandra Gaff and the Taj Mahal.

Talk about laugh, I expect you nearly did!  Anyway, that's me finished for today - I have some serious reading to do!

 

 

No more rumbles 

 

 

 

 

The day after . . .

First let me offer up an exceedingly large 'Thank You!' to all you D&N readers who offered so many good wishes yesterday in celebration of my birthday.  I can say, along with Aufidius in "Coriolanus", but without his double meaning, that "I was moved withal."  I would also like to express my enormous gratitude to various personal friends who, with great insight - I mean, how did they know I am a 'book-a-holic'? - offered me a fascinating addition to my, er, 'library'.

For a start, the 'Memsahib' gave me a copy of Antony Beevor's latest military history "Arnhem: The Battle for the Bridges" - and no, 'SoD', you can't borrow it straight away, you will have to wait and given the size of it, that might be some time!  Mind you, 'SoD', whilst I take on that behemoth of a book, you might like to borrow what looks like another intriging book called "The History of Tactics" by Capt. H.M. Johnstone, R.E. which might prove useful for you at your War Games club.  It begins with Frederic the Great which is a pretty shrewd place to start a book on tactics!

Another friend gave me a history book based, so to speak, on an unusual slant.  It is called "The Hungry Empire: How Britain's quest for food shaped the modern world", written byLizzie Collingham. Yum-yum, can't wait!  Also, the 'Memsahib' won extra 'brownie points' by giving me the DVD set of the latest episode of "Line of Duty".  This will assuage my feelings of guilt and loss when I tried, in my usual cack-handed way, to record all the episodes so that I could watch it all in one hit, so to speak.  Needless to say, with my ineptness in operating 'do-flicker-thingies', my machine failed to record a single episode!  That resulted in several weeks of avoiding all mentions of the series in the media.  Now I am going to set aside an entire day and watch the whole damned thing in one go!

The only slight 'downer' on my birthday was that some old and dear friends asked us round for supper and a game of canasta, a regular routine over the years.  It always take the form of us chaps vs. the ladies.  On this, er, special occasion, I thought the ladies might acknowledge the moment and throw the game.  Not a bit of it!  We were well and truly thrashed!  So no change there then!

Ooops, sorry, one more:   I forgot this one given to me by an old friend from my AmDram Society called "Swearing Is Good For You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language" - yeeeeeees, quite!  It may have stemmed from memories of my usual opening speech to the cast of any of the shows I directed, in which I decried the use of bad language during rehearsals but would admit that when matters became became tense I was very likely to revert to 'original Aldershot' from my army days!

 

 

 

Yes, it's true, today I am 80!

Presumably, at some time I must have let the cat out of the bag and mentioned that today is my 80th birthday because yesterday one or two of the excellent e-pals I have acquired over the years sent their birthday greetings, for which I am very grateful.  Even so, to be honest, I am not a great celebrant of birthdays; to me, it's just another notch on the measuring stick of life.  Apart from the odd bit of cancer and arthritis, I am in fairly good shape so I am happy to have reached my four score years.  Even so, I am not minded to cling on indefinitely.  For example, I have a friend who is, in effect, 'dead' but is kept alive, or at least, kept breathing via myriad tubes and constant care and that is not a fate I would wish for!  

Looking back over my past 80 years, I simply cannot help shaking my head in wonderment.  It has been a rickety-rackety life but, and this still amazes me, an exceedingly lucky life!  I never had any ambition, or even an aim in life.  I just drifted along following a twisty road and, through no effort on my part, it all worked out exceedingly well.  Oddly enough, I was also lucky in the thing I avoided, not through any skill or thoughtfulness on my part, but simply through my ignorance.  Had I discovered theatre earlier in my life I suspect that I would have thrown myself into it head first - and that would have been disastrous!  Instead, I toddled on doing this, that and the other, none of which really interested me but which more or less provided me with a living.

Needless to say, the greatest stroke of luck I ever had was putting my then girlfriend 'in the family way'.  For others, that has often proved to be a disaster but not for lucky me!  Yes, I was careless but, looking back at it, I suspect it was because I didn't care if it did happen.  I am not a great believer in the concept of 'love', partly because it strikes me as one of those concepts that means different things to different people.  What I do absolutely and profoundly believe in is 'friendship'.  Back in the day, Patsy was my 'friend', in the very best and deepest  sense of that word.   Happily, she has remained that for the past 55 years.  So yet again, 'Lady Luck' touched me with her magic wand!

So there you have it and that is quite enough introspection!

 

 

Sam Wanamaker must be spinning in his grave

The late and exceedingly great Sam Wanamaker must be weeping as well as spinning in his grave.  He it was who had the idea of building a replica of Shakespeare's Globe Theatre in more or less the same spot on the South Bank of the Thames.  It was a brilliant notion and it has provided me, and no doubt millions of others, with unforgettable theatrical experiences.  Today, authorities in charge appear to be intent on producing theatrical nightmares!

Here is an extract from The Spectator's review of their latest production of Henry IV Part I.

Henry IV Part 1 looks like a pillow-up-the-jumper am-dram effort. Hal and Falstaff, both played by women, stride up and down the boards shrieking their lines at the sky without interacting, or even looking at each other. It’s hard to grasp that this is an Elizabethan Secret Millionaire. A royal prince has joined a crew of drunken mercenaries who are plotting to mug some pilgrims as an amusing pastime in between real-life battles. Sarah Amankwah’s Hal has a surfeit of biddable chirpiness but no hint of introspection, still less of majesty. She’s miscast, perhaps. Certainly mis-costumed. She’s togged up as a chic commando, in a scarlet beret and matching jacket, like an aerobics teacher at a 1980s disco. There are levels of pathos and rumination in Hal that this production can’t fathom.

As you will have guessed, Ms. Amankwah is black!  The very epitome of a young.

medieval, royal Prince of England!  Well, sort of, I suppose, if you're deaf, dumb and blind!  Both Falstaff and Hotspur are also played by women.  So never mind poor old Sam Wanamaker, just spare a thought for poor, old Will Shakespeare!

 

 

This Brexit lark is just more of the same old same old!

I am now well into John Schofield's excellent biography of Thomas Cromwell and two things have leapt out at me.  First is the insidious and unstoppable erosion of the Catholic faith following the writings and preachings of that very naughty German, Martin Luther.  It is no wonder that all the great dictatorships of modern times always seize control of the means of communication.  Alas for the Church of that time, the invention of the printing press and its rapid extension round Europe made control of communications almost impossible.  However, what has surprised me somewhat, is the speed at which Luther's message was picked up and absorbed by so many.

It is one of the great ironies of all time, that the steady encroachment of 'Lutherism' into England occurred at a time when 'our 'Enery' was eager, nay slavering, to be rid of wife #1, Catherine of Aragon, and hot to marry wife #2, Anne Boleyn.  Even the best legal minds in the realm could not wriggle their way through the Papal strictures forbidding such an act, so that was all the encouragement 'our 'Enery' needed to be rid off this European entanglement.  Thus, the first 'Brexit' was a 'Royal Brexit' - God bless yer Majesty!

I suspect that my next history book is going to be on the subject of Luther and his 'revolutionary' movement!

 

And blessings be upon 'The Land of Kindle'!

Thank God for that!  After my disappointment, about which I moaned a few months back, after I bought a biography of Thomas Cromwell which almost resembled his daily diary given the sheer amount of detail in it, I have now found a new biography by John Schofield which is concise and informative and, thus, readable.  Already I can see why 'our Tom' is a tricky subject given that he had to follow a path of intricate difficulties where one miss-step might take you up the stairs to the chopping block!

Mr. Schofield tends to the sympathetic side of Master Cromwell but I gather that other biographers can be much harsher.  What shines out so far is the man's intelligence.  From relatively humble beginnings via an adventurous military youth abroad, he slowly ascends the ladder to wealth and influence - and danger!  I have only just reached the beginnings of his rise to Royal circles which, given 'our 'Enery's' volcanic nature, to say nothing of the Boleyn family's ambitions, he might, in retrospect, have done better to avoid!

It's a terrific story and Mr. Schofield tells it well and clearly.

 

The Rise & Fall of Thomas Cromwell: Henry VIII's Most Faithful Servant

by John Schofield

 

 

 

On this alone, I thank God that Trump beat 'HillBilly'

No doubt President Trump deserves criticism for a variety of sins of omission or commission but, in my opinion, he is spot on in his campaign of opposition against the over-weening and exceedingly dangerous ambitions of China.  I draw a distinction here between the people of China who over recent times have suffered cruelly at the hands of both their own leaders and foreign invaders.  The fact that (on the whole!) they are now enjoying the fruits of prosperity is, in the immortal words of Sellar & Yeatman, authors of the greatest history book ever written, "A Good Thing".  However, they should make the most of it while it lasts because they are now in the clutches of some power-mad thugs with delusions of grandeur and ambitions to rule the world.  This will only end badly, for us but even worse for them!

Having just finished Tim Bouverie's superb history of Chamberlain vs. Hitler, I am now all too well aware of how our politicians will duck and dive and try anything to appease foreign megolomaniacs - to be fair, so would many of their voters!  I suspect the same holds true today in the face of increasing arrogance and belligerance from the Chinese government in all quarters of the globe.  Trump is absolutely correct to start drawing lines and defending them.  Yes, it may well cause disruption but that will be nothing compared to the calamities that will ensue if China continues to swagger its way round the globe unapposed.  

Box clever, Donald, but keep boxing!

 

 

Those dumb Democrats better watch out!

Two and a half years ago we were all subject to an hysterical campaign by the Democratic party assuring us that Donald Trump was on the take from the Russians who had influenced the election result and cheated 'HillBilly' from what was rightfully her entitlement to be the next POTUS.  Two and a half years later, Trump has appointed an experienced and reputed bulldog of an investigator to look into corrupt malfeasance by - guess who? - yes, the Democratic party along with very senior allies in the Dept. of (non)Justice and the FBI who stand accused of mounting a scurrilous campaign against the Trump/Republican campaign for the Presidency.

The Dem efforts to build a story has collapsed in worse than ignominy because not only has their invention fallen flat, it has now opened all sorts of hitherto secret doors into their own murky operations.  It's early days yet but the timing could not be better for the Trump re-election campaign because over the next 18 months the lids over Democratic sewers will be lifted.  The stench will almost certainly cloud around 'HillBilly' but also, with a bit of luck and a following wind, may well engulf the ultra sanctimonious 'Obamarama'!  In any event, the Dems are going to find themselves on the defensive particularly when the 'perps' concerned rat them out!

The biters bit, such fun!

 

 

Farewell, Lt. Col. Cole, the last of 'the intrepids'

This blog is in danger of looking like The Times obituary column!  Sorry and all that but there are some peoples' deaths that touch me in one way or another.  To be honest, until today I had never heard of Lt. Col. Richard Cole USAAF but I certainly do recall reading and admiring his wartime exploit in the Doolittle raid that took place in December 1941.

Richard Cole, second right, with James Doolittle, second left, and other 'Doolittle Raiders' Credit: NYT/USAF

Just two weeks after America had been slammed by the Japanese at Pearl Harbour there was a determination on the part of the High Command that 'something must be done'!  Frequently in military history this can result in a tragic farrago that achieves nothing.  However, in the case of the Doolittle raid, whilst the military damage inflicted was minimal, the shock to the Japanese authorities was immense and a warning of things to come.  In addition, the morale of the American people was instantly galvanised.

The Raiders' Mitchell planes on board the 'Hornet' carrier Credit: Aviation History Collection/Alamy

This was the first time that bombers had ever been deployed from aircraft carriers and none of the crews had attempted it before.  It was realised that a return to the carrier was impossible so the plan was for the aircraft to fly on to air strips in China controlled by the Nationalists.  Some made it, some did not.

Richard Cole at a Doolittle Raider reunion in 2013 Credit: Nick Tomecek/Northwest Florida Daily News

Happily, Lt. Col. Cole did make it and lived to the ripe old age of 103.  We salute your memory, Colonel!

 

 

So, farewell then, Doris, but I wish I could remember your films!

Alas, I do not have much to say in remembrance of Doris Day who has just died at the grand old age of 97.  I can barely remember any of her films but my impression is that she always played cheerful and wholesome and could belt out a good song.  Also, by and large, I seem to remember that her performances left me feeling better rather than worse - no mean feat given some of the drudgery inflicted by other actors.  I gather that like most Hollywood stars, her choice in men was abysmal and she suffered for it.  Even so, 'back - way back - in the day', it was nearly always a pleasure to see her name on the posters.

 

 

Your Monday Funnies: 13.5.19

Some corkers to start your working week with a grimace smile:



I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large fries, ear of corn & a jumbo hot dog. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

………………...…………..

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it… eventually'.

..…………………………..

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.

……………...…………...

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!

…...……......…...……...

A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

...………………………...

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

……………….........…….

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

…...………….........……..

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going to take that.'

..…...………...………….

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?

...…………………………...

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

...……………………...…..

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

Two naked statues, a man and a woman, had been standing looking at each other in a park for a hundred years. One day, an angel came to visit them and said since they had stood there so patiently through all the summers and winters they would be rewarded by half an hour of human life to do whatever they have wanted most.

The two statues came to life, looked at each other a bit shyly, laughed a bit and said, "Shall we?" and "Yes, let's do it!" They dashed for the bushes, from which shortly was heard giggling, laughter and the shaking branches. After a quarter hour, they came out from the bushes all hot, flustered and happy.

The angel said they had only used half their time and why didn't they start all over again. The statues giggled a bit and the man statue said to the woman statue: "Ok, let's do it again, only this time we'll do it the other way around. YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL shit on its' head."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

Golf ethics:

What if you were playing in the golf club championship tournament finals
and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honour and hit your ball a modest 250 yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match."

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about 10 feet from the pin. About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!" The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.

Now here is the ethical dilemma: Do you pull the cheating sod's ball out of your pocket and confront him with it or do you keep your mouth shut?

 

That's your lot - everyone a winner!

 

 

 

The Sunday Rumble 12.5.19

Rest day today:   'For Lo, I have laboured in the vineyards of the Lord', er, well, that is, my 0.037 of an acre of a garden and so, as the sun is shining, I intend to sit in it and relax.  Well, apart from labouring up two flights of stairs in order to add further rumbles - or grumbles - you decide!

 

And now I am back in 'the slough of despond':   Yes, after my exciting break courtesy of Mr. Terry Hayes and his superlative thriller, "I Am Pilgrim", I have returned with extreme reluctance to Mr. Tim Bouverie's depressing history of one the most shameful episodes in British history, "Appeasing Hitler: Chamberlain, Churchill and the Road to War".  With depressing timing I have returned on the eve of the German invasion of Czechoslovakia.  Someone please pass the sick-bag!

 

But this will make you smile:   Today's cartoon in The Telegraph as part of a report that the pollsters are indicating that 'our Nige' and his Brexit party will out-vote the Tories at the next election.

When, oh when, will the Tory 'muppets' wake up and rid themselves of that wretched woman and her 'Remainer' cohorts?

 

'MDK' sums it up elegantly:   'MDK', of course, is 'My Darling Katy' Balls who writes for 'The Speccie' and 'The Coffee House'.  Today she summarises an interview of 'Our Nige' by Andrew Marr, the archetypal BBC creature.

The beauty of the Brexit Party campaign is its simplicity – the party’s MEP candidates come from across the political spectrum but all agree that the UK should already be out of the EU and today’s politicians are complicit in that failure. However, today’s interview is a reminder of the difficulties the party could face moving to a general election setting where domestic policies would come under greater scrutiny.

That is a shrewd point and a warning.  I suspect that, Brexit apart, if you locked six 'Brexiteers' in a room to decide on domestic issues you would get ten opinions and a punch-up!  Even so, for the greater good, let's vote as many of them as possible into the European parliament in order to truly 'frit' the Tories!

 

Jes' sayin'!   I have had a lovely couple of hours sitting on my patio in nothing but my shorts and my tan is coming along nicely.  I just know you ladies will find that fascinating!

 

Now this is interesting:   Well, it is if you're fascinated by pre-WWII European history.  Many people defend Chamberlain's pathetic weakness by claiming that we could not have declared war in 1938 because we lacked the power.  But neither, despite their 'huffin' 'n' puffin', did the Germans:

From the perspective of the Western Powers, the principal defence of the Munich Agreement has rested on the fact that neither Britain nor France were ready for war in 1938 and that Munich granted them an extra year in which to prepare - the so-called 'breathing space'.  "Thank God for Munich", wrote Harold Balfour, Under-Secretary for Air in the Chamberlain government, who recalled that in the autumn of 1938 Britain only possessed two flying Spitfires and scarcely more Hurricanes.  Of course, Balfour was right.  The Spitfires, Hurricanes and radar - all which made the difference between victory and defeat in the Battle of Britain  - were not ready in 1938 but were in 1939.  What the argument ignores, however, is that Germany was in no position to launch the Battle of Britain in 1938.  Not only - as the events of 1939 and 1940 were to prove - did she first need to defeat her immediate neighbours and secure airfields along the Channel coast before she could turn her attention to Britain, but in 1938 the Luftwaffe was not equipped for a long-range strategic bombing campaign.

"Appeasing Hitler: Chamberlain, Churchill and the Road to War"

 

'MDJ' is absolutely spot on:   Yes, 'MDJ', My Darling Julie (Birchill), is yet another lady in my life although, just like the others, she only enters it via the printed word.  Even so, 'MDJ', who was an exceedingly naughty girl 'back in the day', obviously inherited some good sense genes even if she nearly drowned them in booze and drugs and high(=low!) living during her youth.  It is exemplified in her article in today's Telegraph when she extols the benefit of 'a stiff upper lip' rather than the hysterical outpourings of 'feelings".

If it’s true that expressing emotion is the key to the life well lived, the healthiest and happiest souls among us would be those who frequently blew their tops – look around you and see this isn’t so. Angry people just get angrier, and then drop dead from high blood pressure or a heart attack; on the way there, they tend to become lonely, as people don’t generally care for being around someone who can go off like Krakatoa over an imagined slight.

Spot on, 'MDJ'!

 

Am I warming to Viktor Orbán?   Difficult to say, really, because I know next to nothing of the man.  My uninformed impression is/was that he was just another east European bully boy with dictatorial leanings.  However, today I read a piece by 'MDC' - yes, another woman in my life! - this time, My Darling Clarice (Feldman) who writes with considerable intelligence for The American Thinker site.  Today she writes:

Despite pressure from the EU, he refused to open his borders to immigrants from Africa and the Arab world, foreseeing that otherwise Hungary’s patrimony -- a Christian ethos -- would be lost. Among those who opposed them was the Hungarian-born American George Soros, who, with his money sheltered from taxation by U.S. foundation tax laws, used those funds to undercut Hungarian nationalist desires. As is often the case, the Soros NGO in effect constituted another political party against which he had to battle to preserve his nationalist agenda. He succeeded against Soros, but then faced a difficult dilemma: The country’s dependence on EU subsidies and the opposition of the leaders of the EPP (the European Peoples Party) which endorses candidates for the Byzantine and undemocratic European Parliament.

Anyone who opposes the mysterious and manipulative George Soros gains my support - for what it's worth!

ADDITIONAL:  For an alternative judgment on Viktor Orbán  try this article at the CAPX site:

https://capx.co/viktor-orban-and-the-corruption-of-conservatism/

 

No more rumbles today

 

 

 

Are we all going mad 'over here' and 'over there?

Well, it looks like it to me.  Our political class, or at least a large proportion of it, both 'over here' and 'over there', appear to be inhabiting a cuckoo universe.  Some 500 of our utterly useless members of Parliament voted to abide by the peoples' vote in the referendum and passed a motion promising to take our country out of the EU by the 29th March 2019.  Ever since then they have done everything they can to thwart it.  It's ominous enough when the 'Peeps' rebel against a Parliament but it is likely to be calamitous when we watch a parliament rebel against the 'Peeps'.  It is unlikely, I think - or hope! - that 'there will be blood' but it could be a close run thing!

Meanwhile, 'over there' one of the two mainstream political parties, the Democrats, appear to be suffering with mass hysteria.  You will see no better example of it than watching Rep. Brian Sims (D) berating an elderly lady who, alone with rosary in hand, was waiting outside a Planned Parenthood abortion factory to offer advice to women seeking their services.  This mentally deranged, bully-boy spends eight minutes following the lady as she walks up and down outside the premises, filming her and shouting abuse at her - to which she has the good grace not to reply and the courage to continue her mission.  Watch it and weep!  (And why didn't someone call the police and have this ignorant oaf arrested?)

Of course, all political parties have their fair number of 'nut-jobs' but, from 'over here', the Democratic party seems suffused with them.  I would urge my American friends to follow our example 'over here' when, in the next election we thrash the Tories for gross incompetence and dishonesty.  By damning the Democrats to the outer reaches of political hell you will, in the end, do them a favour and restore some minimal commonsense and good manners to the shouty 'stoopids' who seem to have taken over what was once a respectable and respected political party.

 

 

To 'vape' or not to 'vape'?

When it comes to cigarettes, I have bragged, many a time and oft', that I switched from being a 60-a-day man to zero in approximately 3.5 seconds!  This came about when I tried to find a space inside my large glass ashtray to stub out the cigarette I had just finished.  Attempting to push the dozens of dog-ends aside in order to find a clear space I was suddenly disgusted and somewhere inside my head a switch was thrown and I stopped on the spot.  No will-power required, I just stopped!

Over at the CAPX site, Matt Ridley has an interesting article on the different approaches to smoking and 'vaping'.  I noticed the other day that my local pub, 'The Tippling Philosopher', has a "No Vaping" sign on the doors and I assumed that it stems from the inordinate amount of 'smoke' that vaping pipes seem to produce although I gather from Mr. Ridley's article that it is not in the slightest degree noxious.  However, there appears to be a campaign afoot to stamp out vaping and Mr. Ridley wonders why?

Take, for example, this recent pronouncement by the mayor of San Francisco: “Tobacco use is the leading cause of preventable disease and death in the United States. Tobacco kills more than 480,000 people a year in this country. That’s more than AIDS, alcohol, car accidents, illegal drugs, murders, and suicides combined.” Therefore, he goes on — in one of the great non-sequiturs of history — he is going to ban e-cigarettes, which have caused none of those deaths and could prevent them, but not ban real cigarettes, which caused nearly all of those deaths.

Well, to be fair, you wouldn't normally expect much in the way of intelligence, let alone commonsense, from any mayor of San Francisco.

The vaping revolution took the world by surprise. Invented in China in 2006, the e-cigarette has caused massive declines in smoking in Britain — more than almost any other country — because of an early decision by the Cameron government to resist calls to ban it. It is the reason we have the lowest cigarette consumption per capita in the G7, and the second lowest in Europe, and one of the lowest incidences of lung cancer.

Well, at least 'Dim Dave' managed to get one thing right which was more than the EU has managed:

The Department of Health got the point, saying in 2017: “We will help people quit smoking by permitting innovative technologies that minimise the risk of harm. We will maximise the availability of safer alternatives to smoking”. But, then, in response to the EU Tobacco Products Directive [my emphasis], it banned advertising of e-cigarettes, and mandated excessively small refill bottles and low nicotine limits. Thus, the opportunity for competition and consumer choice to drive innovation in harm reduction is increasingly stifled, even in Britain, in favour of paternalistic regulation premised on “nanny knows best”, and the fossilised straitjackets of regulation.

Perhaps we could vapourise all of the EU 'apparat'!

 

 

Who turned the heating up?

As all my regulars here at D&N already know, my knowledge of science can only be described as lamentable.  Even so, I do deserve an 'E' for effort as I try to keep half an eye on scientific matters, particularly when I suspect that some of them are, shall we say, less than scientific and more political!  Thus it is with so-called Global Warming.  My mentor in this abstruse subject has always been Mr. Anthony Watts ever since I discovered his site "Watts Up With That".  Way back in the day I came across his site and admired his somewhat different approach to all this AGW panic.

Instead of worrying about the stats produced by 'Warmer' fanatics, he concentrated on the means by which they obtained these stats, that is, the actual measuring devices themselves.  Helped by an army of volunteers from across America, he was able to show that many of these devices had been 'on site' for decades but, unknown or ignored by the 'Warmers', it was evident that the immediate surroundings had changed radically.  What had been a virtual 'green site' in the '40s was now surrounded by concrete and bricks and reflective windows, to say nothing of the myriad air conditioning units pumping out their warm air in the immediate vicinity.  The stats confirmed the panic of the fanatics but they were 'false flags'.

Needless to say, the science has moved on to increasing levels of sophistication including satellite readings.  Here are the main measuring organisations with their exceedingly varied estimations of exactly - er, sort of - how much global temperatures have increased in degrees/centigrade per decade:

AIRS: +0.24 (from the 2019 Susskind et al. study)
GISTEMP: +0.22
ECMWF: +0.20
RSS LT: +0.20
Cowtan & Way: +0.19
UAH LT: +0.18
HadCRUT4: +0.17

Which climate dataset is the right one? Interestingly, the HadCRUT4 dataset, which is managed by a team in the United Kingdom, uses most of the same data GISTEMP uses from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s Global Historical Climate Network. Among the major datasets, HadCRUT4 shows the lowest temperature increase, one that’s nearly identical to UAH.

The other problem with the 'AIRS' reading is that it is based on only 15 years of measurement, far shorter than the basic minimum required of 30 years.  As Mr. Watts reminds us:

The 15-year period in this new study is too short to say much of anything of value about global warming trends, especially since there was a record-setting warm El Niño near the end of that period in 2015 and 2016. [My emphasis]  The El Niño event in the Pacific allowed warm water heated by the Sun to collect, dispersing heat into the atmosphere and thus warming the planet. Greenhouse gas induced “climate change” had nothing to do with it; it was a natural heating process that has been going on for millennia. [My emphasis]

As that well-known climate scientist, er, Prince Hamlet put it, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

 

 

'Prime Minister' Farage - gulp! - blimey!

Could it happen?  Could 'our Nige' actually win the keys to No. 10?  Well, according to some polls and some 'political know-alls', it is certainly possible.  If Mrs. May continues to stumble-bum her way from one disastrous error to another, and if 'Jezza' Corbyn and his sinister 'apparat' carry on like a "Carry On Up The Kremlin" film, then 'our Nige' could nick it from under their silly Westminster noses.

If so, what sort of a Prime Minister would he be?  Well, if you know, do tell me because I haven't a clue!  I admire him enormously as, arguably, the greatest political force since "that woman"!  Virtually single-handed, he has shifted British politics to an entirely new course.  If the results of the forthcoming European elections are as utterly devastating to the traditional parties as the 'experts' believe, then that will mean Farage's moment has come.  It will suggest that he and his totally inexperienced cabal are capable of seizing power from the traditional parties.

Government is a tricky business and I am not sure if the people surrounding Farage have what it takes to run a powerful and complex government machine.  Mind you, looking at the utter nincompoops - yes, that means you, Gavin Williamson! -  who have been in command recently, it is now clear that 'our Nige' and his mates, or even you and yours, to say nothing of me and mine, couldn't do a worst job!

We shall see what we shall see!

 

 

 

"I am Pilgrim" by Terry Hayes

You may have noticed, but probably did not, that I haven't mentioned Neville Chamberlain and his gang of incompetents for some time.  That may have been a relief for y'all but the person responsible is Mr. Terry Hayes, author of "I am Pilgrim".  To recap my experience with this book, I must have bought it 3 or 4 years ago and began to read it and was seriously impressed with it - until I lost it!  As I am never short of books to read, I swore a bit but got on with something else.  However, even a few chapters made such an impression on me that I never quite forgot it.  A few weeks ago, somehow, in some way, I was reminded of the title and I determined to buy a copy and start again.  At that moment 'the fickle finger of fate' pointed at me and thus, as I was attempting to tidy the utter shambles in my eyrie in the roof, blow me down, I found it.

However, I was deeply into the history of the worst cabinet in British history, er, until the present one, of course, so I decided to split my reading time between the two books.  In the end, the excitement and tension and expertise in Mr. Hayes' book won and Chamberlain was tossed aside.  Mind you, it runs, in paperback form, to nearly 900 pages plus, it has a convoluted plot and a myriad of characters so it became almost a non-stop read.

This, as you may have guessed, is a 'rave review'!  Mr. Hayes writes good, clear English but his plot-line wanders around the world.  It begins with the 9/11 attack in New York and soon we are introduced to his American hero, an ultra-secret agent on the point of retirement but who has been invited to attend a crime site in the city by an NYPD detective.  From that point on it is rather like riding a roller-coaster as the story line extends to Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Turkey and Bulgaria.  In essence, our 'hero' discovers a lone, Islamist terrorist who has the means and the motive to achieve a monstrous slaughter in America which will make 9/11 look like a minor incident!

The skill with which Mr. Hayes lays out his plot is simply superb.  He has experience in the film industry and you sense that his ability to invent scenes and then manouvre his characters in and out of them stems from his movie background.  The tension rises and I must warn anyone with a weakness for nail-biting that they should beware chewing down to their nuckles!

Ah well, it's back to dear, dumb Neville for me - ohdearwhatapitynevermind!

 

 

 

A humble petition, Your Majesty, from your loyal subject

Please, please, Ma'am, can you get a grip of all your various and exceedingly numerous 'youngsters' and tell them to stop reproducing!  In the last few years it has been a non-stop reproduction process and every time it occurs our 'meeja' lose all restraint and go berserk.  For example, this morning, following Harry and Meghan's totally normal, everyday procedure, I had to plough through 22 pages of The Daily Mail before I found any news of other events.  

And if I may presume, Ma'am, may I humbly entreat you to issue an invitation to Meghan's dear, old Dad when the christening becomes imminent.  Yes, yes, Ma'am, I do realise that he sounds like 'a very naughty boy' but he would, perhaps, inject some much needed humour into the proceedings - and I'm sure he and 'Phil' would get along very well together!  

 

 

The script of a commercial for 'Barney Magroo'

I understand that Mr. Barney Magroo (Purveyor of Fine Wines and Spirits to the Gentry of Arkansas) has decided that in this prohibition-free era, he should venture forth from his still up in 'them thar hills' and, under the guidance of his Public Relations manager (known here as 'JK'), he should become 'legit'!  To that end, I offer him the script for a new TV commercial written by some new kid on the block called Master W. Shakespeare.  Despite my having once played this role, modesty forbids that I hint who should deliver these magisterial lines!

Good faith, this same young sober-blooded boy doth not love me; nor a man cannot make him laugh; but that's no marvel, he drinks no wine.

There's never none of these demure boys come to any proof; for thin drink doth so over-cool their blood, and making many fish-meals, that they fall into a kind of male green-sickness; and then when they marry, they get wenches: they are generally fools and cowards; which some of us should be too, but for inflammation.

A good sherris sack hath a two-fold operation in it. It ascends me into the brain; dries me there all the foolish and dull and curdy vapours which environ it; makes it apprehensive, quick, forgetive, full of nimble fiery and
delectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to the voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes excellent wit. The second property of your excellent sherris is, the warming of the blood; which, before cold and settled, left the liver
white and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimity and cowardice; but the sherris warms it and makes it course from the inwards to the parts extreme:

it illumineth the face, which as a beacon gives warning to all the rest of this little kingdom, man, to arm; and then the vital commoners and inland petty spirits muster me all to their captain, the heart, who, great and puffed up with this retinue, doth any deed of courage; and this valour comes of sherris. So that skill in the weapon is nothing without sack, for that sets it a-work; and learning a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, till sack commences it and sets it in act and use.

Hereof comes it that Prince Harry is valiant; for the cold blood he did naturally inherit of his father, he hath, like lean, sterile and bare land,
manured, husbanded and tilled with excellent endeavour of drinking good and good store of fertile sherris, that he is become very hot and valiant.

If I had a thousand sons, the first humane principle I would teach them should be, to forswear thin potations and to addict themselves to sack.

By Jove, that should work up a good thirst in Little Rock!

 

 

 

Take cover - incoming 'luvvie-talk'!

A production of Chekhov's play "Three Sisters" has opened recently in London.  Alas, I cannot remember the reviewer's exact words but it was along the lines of : 'Three Sisters' opens. Nothing happens. 'Three Sisters' ends.  That is cruel but sort of true but also not the entire truth.

The three sisters, Olga, Masha and Irina, live, or exist, in a small town in the vast hinterland of Russia, than which there is no more emptier space in the entire universe!  They are, what I can only call, ardent 'yearners'.  They yearn constantly for all the things they do not have - mostly love and Moscow!  It sounds like an utterly miserable play, and it is, but throughout it is laced with Russian humour - and that is a quality that takes some getting used to!   I once played the role of Col. Vershinin, the commander of a local regiment and a prize pontificating prat of the first order!  Masha falls for him and both of them think they have discovered the love of the century.  Perhaps they have but as he is married with two children it will never come to anything, and so they part.

All these dreamers and 'yearners' seem ridiculous at first sight but gradually their frail humanity gleams through and, if the production is good enough, you feel their humanity and their frailty, and also, in the end, their courage.  The play ends with Olga, the elder and matronly daughter delivering this speech as the sound of the town band is heard in the distance;

OLGA [embraces both her sisters]. The music is so happy, so confident, and you long for life! O my God! Time will pass, and we shall go away for ever, and we shall be forgotten, our faces will be forgotten, our voices, and how many there were of us; but our sufferings will pass into joy for those who will live after us, happiness and peace will be established upon earth, and they will remember kindly and bless those who have lived before. Oh, dear sisters, our life is not ended yet. We shall live! The music is so happy, so joyful, and it seems as though in a little while we shall know what we are living for, why we are suffering. . . . If we only knew -- if we only knew! 

Done right, that is one of the most moving passages in theatre.

 

 

 

Ms. Julie Birchill, and George Orwell, are spot on!

Ms. Birchill, a lady I would hesitate, nay, tremble, to take on in an argument pulls on her 'bovver boots' (I bet she wore them back in her day) and gives those oh-so superior, Lefty, metropolitan prats who lord it over us 'untermenschen' a hefty kick where it hurts!  She quotes the results of a poll by the 'YouGov-Cambridge Globalism survey' which showed that we Brits are more open and agreeable to immigration than any other European country except Poland. 

Only 37 per cent of us Britons [my emphasis] are of the opinion that the cons outweigh the pros – less than any other people except the Poles. We showed the highest level of support of any country for qualified professionals coming to the UK with a job offer, with 80 per cent agreeing they were good for the country. In a further trouncing of the knee-jerk “gammon” stereotype, more British men than women are in favour of immigration.

It will come as a shock to all those Brit-hating liberal, Euro fanatics who insist that the 'plebs' are a bunch of proto-fascists who hate all foreigners.  

George Orwell had these types bang to rights: “It is a strange fact, but it is unquestionably true that almost any English intellectual would feel more ashamed of standing to attention during God Save the King than of stealing from a poor-box.”

The simple truth is that you do NOT have to be a foreigner-hating bigot just because you value the many good things achieved by your own country.

 

 

The Sunday Rumble: 5.5.19

'Will no one rid me of this turbulent Prime Minister?'   And so she goes on and on and on, ever deeper into a suffocating bog of non-Brexit ordure.  She is fooling no-one, except herself, and her last effort in which she pleads for 'dear Jeremy' to give her a hand out of the latrine, is beyond stupid and into the a land of make-believe.  The only worry I have is that if she and Labour stitch up a deal in the next few days and then ram it through parliament it may give her a chance to dodge the European elections, the result of which will make yesterday's massacre of the Tory party look like a bun-fight!

 

Oooops, sorry for my absence!   Well, I did my gardening but when I came in for tea I took 'a short course in death'.  Dammit, all that fresh air is bad for you!

 

Don't mess with 'The Donald'!   According to a news report, 'The Donald' has decided that the USA/China trade talks are going nowhere so he has decided to up the 10% tariff on $200 billion of goods to 25%!  In addition, he has warned that a further $325 billion of Chinese goods could be added to the list if a trade deal is not agreed.  That should wipe the smirk off Xi Ping-a-ling's face!

 

Pompeii:   Entirely by accident I caught a programme on 'Channel 5' tonight on the subject of Pompeii.  It was fascinating and there is another episode tomorrow at 21.00hrs.  I once visited the neighbouring city of Herculaneum and it was, quite literally, a day I will never forget.  Herculaneum is smaller than Pompeii and it was generally populated by the wealthier citizens from the bigger city.  As I understand it, the stuff that landed on Herculaneum from Vesuvius carbonised - whatever that means! -  and thus preserved the town in much better detail.  I have been lucky to have visited various places and cities and sites around the world but Herculaneum, frozen in time from AD79, made far ans away the biggest impression.  Try and catch the programme on Pompeii if you can.

 

No more rumbles today - and, boy, will I sleep well tonight!