Just to warn you that I'm out for most of the day so make the best you can from today's funnies - oh come on, there's usually a giggle and a half in there somewhere, thanks to my indefatiguable elves beavering away in the joke mine!
Two ladies, lifelong friends, find themselves single after their failed
marriages.
They are excellent supports for one another and enjoy one another's company to get over their separations.
One day, after a long boozy lunch they find themselves back in Betty's home and Jane realises that maybe the friendship is going to go in a new direction.
"Jane", says Betty, "Can I be frank with you?"
"No, I'll be Frank".
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Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'
'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'
'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be buggered if he needed glasses'.
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A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments.
I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door.
With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
"What? You're coming empty handed?"
That's your lot today, I have things to do and people to see!
Here's a good one, Dad's Army ready for action! ...
https://metro.co.uk/2019/09/29/conservative-party-conference-proves-too-exciting-for-some-audience-members-10829710/
SoD
Posted by: Loz | Monday, 30 September 2019 at 10:10
https://dailytimewaster.blogspot.com/2019/09/oh-brother.html
Tourists. Oirish no doubt.
Or mebbe American university students.
Posted by: JK | Monday, 30 September 2019 at 18:25