To begin, here is some shrewd advice:
How politics works ...
I TOLD MY SON, "YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE."
HE SAID, "NO."
I TOLD HIM, "SHE IS BILL GATES' DAUGHTER."
HE SAID, "YES."
I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, "I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON."
BILL GATES SAID, "NO."
I TOLD BILL GATES, "MY SON IS THE CEO OF THE WORLD BANK."
BILL GATES SAID, "OK."
I CALLED THE PRESIDENT OF WORLD BANK AND ASKED HIM TO MAKE MY SON THE CEO.
HE SAID, "NO."
I TOLD HIM, "MY SON IS BILL GATES' SON-IN-LAW."
HE SAID, "OK.
THAT'S HOW POLITICS WORKS.
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We had a power outage at my house this morning, thus my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad and my new surround sound music system had all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.
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A fine selection of vintage Aussie jokes:
A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you still needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
Why are murders in Tasmania so hard to solve?
Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.
An Englishman wants to marry an Irish girl and is told he needs to become Irish before he can do so. It is a very simple operation where they remove 5% of your brain.
Anyway the Englishman wakes up after the operation and the doctor comes up to him looking all worried and says "I am terribly sorry, there's been a mistake to be sure, we accidently removed 50% of your brain instead of 5%!"
The Englishman sits up and simply say "She'll be right, mate".
Oh dear, better watch out for incoming!
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