Here I am again, slaving away in the joke mine to start your week with a laugh a giggle a snort of derision - whatever!
A rather frustrated woman went to the supermarket to try to take her mind off her overly erotic thoughts.
As she moved through the aisles she saw bananas and apples and so many things that made her recall rather than forget her erotic mood. She ended up buying far more than she needed.
When she arrived at the checkout there was a young man packing bags. As he packed her bags his muscles gleamed under the fluorescent lights and she could make out the contours of his fit body under his tight T-shirt and trousers. She could hardly control herself.
After she paid she asked the young man if he could help her to her car with her many heavy bags of groceries.
The young man willingly obliged.
She placed her hand on the young man’s bum and said “I have an itchy Pussy”.
To which the young man replied,” You’ll have to show me where it is because all these Japanese cars look the same to me.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Medicare Help-Desk:
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
"Mrs. Sanders, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well.. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful ! Can you do the test again ?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.
"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now ?"
"The MEDICARE Help-desk recommends that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Seamus went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.
Inside he found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
When the priest came in, Seamus said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replied, "You moron, you're on my side."
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. `
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.
The man replied,
'Well your Honour, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
but, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!!'
Comments