Alas, I have an appointment with 'Nurse Ratched' tomorrow morning so to avoid industry in the western world grinding to a halt I will provide your 'Monday Funnies' early!
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Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the soldier replied, "Land-mines."
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A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit. As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats. A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog. The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog? Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"
The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "oh! You Americans. You are so rude.
Fluffy is in that seat, and i see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."
The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out. The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.
"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... you eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong bitch out the window."
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Seven dwarfs went to meet the Pope. "Go on Dopey, ask" chanted the other six. "Ok" said Dopey, "Sir, are there nuns in Alaska?"
"Yes" said the Pope.
"Go on Dopey, ask him" urged the other six dwarfs. "Ok" said Dopey, "Sir, are there black nuns in Alaska?".
"Yes there are" said the Pope.
"Go on Dopey, ask him" said the others. Dopey blushed and asked "Sir, are there midget nuns in Alaska?"
"No, I don't think so" said the Pope.
All six of the other dwarfs leapt up shouting "Dopey shagged a penguin! Dopey shagged a penguin!"
See you later . . .
So David, you'll be taking a whole week off?
Posted by: JK | Monday, 25 November 2019 at 01:03
More likely to get penguins in Embra than in Alaska.
Posted by: Doonhamer | Monday, 25 November 2019 at 17:35
Love the penguin joke! Pity there are no penguins in Alaska.
Posted by: Andra | Monday, 25 November 2019 at 20:56