I know, I know, late again, I'm worse than British Rail!
One Christmas Eve, Santa was under a lot of stress.
He and Mrs. Claus had just had a fight, it was nearly time to leave and his sleigh wasn't loaded, and the elves were talking about going on strike.
Then an angel walked into his office and asked, "Hey, Santa, what do you want me to do with this Christmas tree?"
And so was born the tradition of there being an angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they've only been dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift - romantic, yet not too personal.
He asks the girlfriend's younger sister to accompany him to buy them then she can point out a pair she'd like.
They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then buys.
The sister then picks up a pair of panties for herself and buys them.
But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realising. As a result, the sister gets the gloves and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.
Without checking, the guy rushes the gift to his sweetheart, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it:
"I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. There's no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for the coming Christmas Eve.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
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Santa comes down a chimney one Christmas Eve and to his surprise finds a gorgeous brunette waiting for him, wearing the sexiest lingerie imaginable.
"Santa," she purrs, "Can you stay for a while?"
Santa says, "Ho, ho ho! I've gotta go! Have to deliver toys to children, you know!"
She comes close, starts playing with his beard, whispers in his ear, "Santa, don't you have a gift you would like to give me?"
Santa says, "Ho, ho, ho! I've gotta go! Have to spread Christmas cheer, you know!"
The brunette takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her breasts and says, "Santa, are you sure there's no gift you'd like to leave?"
Santa says, "Hey hey hey, might as well stay. I can't get up the chimney this way!"
Sorry for the delay but my Aussie joke-smith is still malingering 'down under there' so I had to find all these by myself! Didn't I do well?!
Sorry, did you say something . . . ?
you did well!
Posted by: Ian J | Monday, 09 December 2019 at 17:45
Thank you, Ian, and I assume your cheque is in the post . . .
Posted by: David Duff | Monday, 09 December 2019 at 17:53